I need advice/suggestions about getting over fears of riding. Please!
I started riding when I was very young (age 3) on a horse my dad got for me. My QH mare would do anything I ever asked her to do. She obeyed verbal commands, reining, and leg pressure. I always felt protected. And she would have died for me- I have no doubt. She passed away when I was 13. I rode here and there on a few of my dad's other horses, but no one was my Roxy. When I was 15, I took a ride on a friend's horse- a horse that I had ridden numerous times with no big problems. That horse turned on me in a bad, bad way during that last ride. He bucked me, trampled me, and was pawing me into the ground before my friend could get to me. I ended up with a broken nose, concussion, dislocated shoulder, a couple broken ribs, torn ligaments in my knees, and a fear that hasn't subsided.
I'm 28 now and have a farm of my own. We've gotten a couple horses and I've gradually worked my way up to being able to care for them (grooming, cleaning hooves, etc.) But I can't make myself ride. Even in the round pin. I want so badly to have my confidence back and not be afraid. I want to go trail riding with my friends and family. I don't want to always be the one left at the barn while everyone else is enjoying a fun, relaxing experience. I want another bombproof horse. One that I will trust and he/she trust me. I want that connection. Which I now have the confidence while on the ground, but my butt needs to be back in that saddle. And I don't know how to make myself do it without freaking out and spooking my own horse with my nerves and fears. It's so bad that I can be brushing him down and if he flinches over anything, I jump and my heart races.
I need help, suggestions, anything. Or if anyone has a bombproof horse available for sale/trade that would be fine with a 28 yo rider starting as fresh as a 3 yo again. I might be interested!