I started riding when I was very young (age 3) on a horse my dad got for me. My QH mare would do anything I ever asked her to do. She obeyed verbal commands, reining, and leg pressure. I always felt protected. And she would have died for me- I have no doubt. She passed away when I was 13. I rode here and there on a few of my dad's other horses, but no one was my Roxy. When I was 15, I took a ride on a friend's horse- a horse that I had ridden numerous times with no big problems. That horse turned on me in a bad, bad way during that last ride. He bucked me, trampled me, and was pawing me into the ground before my friend could get to me. I ended up with a broken nose, concussion, dislocated shoulder, a couple broken ribs, torn ligaments in my knees, and a fear that hasn't subsided.
I'm 28 now and have a farm of my own. We've gotten a couple horses and I've gradually worked my way up to being able to care for them (grooming, cleaning hooves, etc.) But I can't make myself ride. Even in the round pin. I want so badly to have my confidence back and not be afraid. I want to go trail riding with my friends and family. I don't want to always be the one left at the barn while everyone else is enjoying a fun, relaxing experience. I want another bombproof horse. One that I will trust and he/she trust me. I want that connection. Which I now have the confidence while on the ground, but my butt needs to be back in that saddle. And I don't know how to make myself do it without freaking out and spooking my own horse with my nerves and fears. It's so bad that I can be brushing him down and if he flinches over anything, I jump and my heart races.
I need help, suggestions, anything. Or if anyone has a bombproof horse available for sale/trade that would be fine with a 28 yo rider starting as fresh as a 3 yo again. I might be interested!
I guarantee you there are thousands of riders out there and horse owners who have gone thru some serious accidents or unusual situations and have the same or similar fears you have. You can heal from it and get confidence back, you just need the right horse, and I think a professional will be best to take you through that.