Need an outside perspective/emotional support - The Horse Forum

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post #1 of 13 Old 12-31-2013, 01:07 AM Thread Starter
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Join Date: Jul 2013
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Need an outside perspective/emotional support

It's really hard for me to be writing this because the bane of my existence ever since I started in the horse world has been getting too attached to the horses I've half-leased.

A little background:
I've basically been in the horse world and taking lessons for about a year now, and I'm 19 years old. It's something I've always wanted to do ever since I was a little kid but only got the chance now.

I started half leasing a horse at the old place where I took my lessons - a little mom and pop type family barn. I really loved that horse and was leasing him for about 3 months, and then the owner moved to a (in my opinion) terrible barn owned by one of her friends, and the horse became practically unrideable. I was heartbroken because of how great he used to be, but he was a totally different horse and frankly dangerous for my beginner self.

After that, I changed lesson barns to somewhere much better, and I also found another horse to half lease (not where I take my lessons), being the friesian mare in my DP. I've been half-leasing her since October and I have to say that this feels like my heart horse. I love her so much, and she's an amazing horse to be around. I feel so lucky to have been able to meet her and work and bond with her.

The problem:
The barn where she is living is family run and everyone there is great. But facilities-wise, there isn't much there. There's a small outdoor arena, but it's useless in the winter because it gets full of snow and then the footing is pretty horrible. The place is primarily a trail barn, so I don't blame them. However, as I've recently discovered when I tried to take the mare out for a walk on the trails alone (I was walking her from the ground in a halter), she gets pretty flighty and wants to go back home. Being a beginner, I wouldn't ride on the trails alone anyways, but I don't have anyone that I can go with frequently, so I'm stuck going around in the ring in the little path that I've managed to wear down around the rail. I also sometimes feel like I'm looked down on because I don't go on trails like everyone else does, but that may just be me imagining things when they ask if I'm going on trail or not.

I don't know whether I should be trying to find another horse at another barn that is better suited to what I'm doing (which I guess would be the logical choice from a riding progress standpoint), but I really really love this mare and I'm just so torn, I don't know what to do. Heck I'm tearing up right now thinking about leaving her

If you were me, what would you do? I don't know what to do, maybe I should wait it out until the summer where the ring and the trail will be better to ride and I'll maybe be able to go out alone?

Any advice is really appreciated.

"If you act like you've only got fifteen minutes, it will take all day. Act like you've got all day, it will take fifteen minutes."
-Monty Roberts
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post #2 of 13 Old 12-31-2013, 01:40 AM
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you sound pretty unhappy about the situation as it is. You have stated your choices.
Stay where you are or find a different horse and barn that is suited to you.
Decide your long term goals , if they are to trail ride or or just ride the rail in the arena ? Or to show and compete ?
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post #3 of 13 Old 12-31-2013, 02:32 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stevenson View Post
you sound pretty unhappy about the situation as it is. You have stated your choices.
Stay where you are or find a different horse and barn that is suited to you.
Decide your long term goals , if they are to trail ride or or just ride the rail in the arena ? Or to show and compete ?
Thanks for the response Stevenson, that's a really good question which I guess is the root of the problem - I need to figure out what exactly I want to do. As it stands I'd like to maybe show for fun - nothing serious. But at the same time I would like to be able to hack and do trail rides on my downtime. The thing is at this point I'm good with just trail riding or riding in an arena because I'm nowhere near competing level anyways, plus since I'm in college studying in a pretty rigorous program it's difficult for me to commit a whole lot of time into getting to showing level anyways so for me any kind of riding for fun is fine.

I just really suck at leasing I guess - I get too attached too quickly, before I know if it's going to work out.

"If you act like you've only got fifteen minutes, it will take all day. Act like you've got all day, it will take fifteen minutes."
-Monty Roberts
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post #4 of 13 Old 12-31-2013, 03:34 AM
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Does the owner have another horse? That maybe they could go out on the trails with you? Give you some pointers. Or someone in the barn you trust who is experienced enough to go out with you for a short hack? Are YOU nervous at all on the trails? Maybe see if you can set up a time with someone. See how she does when she's with a buddy. And make sure you feel confident enough as well. Sometimes even the most well behaved horses, if they feel you're weary or nervous at all even they will take advantage of it.
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post #5 of 13 Old 12-31-2013, 09:42 AM
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Being young myself (18) and having been around horses my entire life, I completely understand where you're coming from. You will come across SEVERAL horses in you life that are special to you and who you adore. The problem is, the situation doesn't always make it easy for you to be with that horse. I suggest that you find another horse to lease on. While it will be sad to leave behind the horse you're riding now, I truly think that it will be for the better. I was in a similar situation a few years ago. A friend of the family was keeping her 2 year old horse at my uncle's until she could find a place. I went up there often and fell in love with him. I started training him, was the first to back him when he was three, and bawled my eyes out when she came in and took him away. It was a really tough situation, but since then, I've moved on to bigger and better things! Anyways, I really think that you will be better off looking for a different horse. You never know what you might find! Good luck!
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post #6 of 13 Old 12-31-2013, 10:04 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thetempest89 View Post
Does the owner have another horse? That maybe they could go out on the trails with you? Give you some pointers. Or someone in the barn you trust who is experienced enough to go out with you for a short hack? Are YOU nervous at all on the trails? Maybe see if you can set up a time with someone. See how she does when she's with a buddy. And make sure you feel confident enough as well. Sometimes even the most well behaved horses, if they feel you're weary or nervous at all even they will take advantage of it.
The owner doesn't have another horse, and she said she doesn't mind coming on trails with me but I would have to pay to rent the horse she ends up taking, which gets expensive. There's one girl there around my age who I've been talking with, but she has a fickle work schedule so she never ends up going at the same times so it's been hard to coordinate with her. The only other people I'm familiar with are the owner of a two year old haflinger who is still not very trustworthy and her trainer, so I don't feel comfortable going out with them because the mare I lease is the type to want to run off after another horse and try to race them almost.

I'm not nervous (that I can tell) when I ride her, and she doesn't get nervous when she's with another horse, but she has a tendency to try to race other horses as I've mentioned, so trotting is an exercise in half halts to keep her from getting up in the next horse's butt. A lot of the horses at the barn are high strung barrel horses, or their ottb in training, so with them also being somewhat spooky and/or kicky I find it hard to really let go on the trails sometimes because I have to hold her back.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kaylaj95 View Post
Being young myself (18) and having been around horses my entire life, I completely understand where you're coming from. You will come across SEVERAL horses in you life that are special to you and who you adore. The problem is, the situation doesn't always make it easy for you to be with that horse. I suggest that you find another horse to lease on. While it will be sad to leave behind the horse you're riding now, I truly think that it will be for the better. I was in a similar situation a few years ago. A friend of the family was keeping her 2 year old horse at my uncle's until she could find a place. I went up there often and fell in love with him. I started training him, was the first to back him when he was three, and bawled my eyes out when she came in and took him away. It was a really tough situation, but since then, I've moved on to bigger and better things! Anyways, I really think that you will be better off looking for a different horse. You never know what you might find! Good luck!
Thank you so much, this is really what I needed to hear I think. I'll likely keep leasing her but keep an eye out for another horse along the way. I'm probably better off buying myself one so I don't have to deal with leases ending hahaha.

Thank you to all of you guys who replied, you've all been a great help.

"If you act like you've only got fifteen minutes, it will take all day. Act like you've got all day, it will take fifteen minutes."
-Monty Roberts
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post #7 of 13 Old 12-31-2013, 10:04 AM
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Here's a different suggestion. Why not stop leasing all together and save that money for when you're out of college and can buy and support your own horse? Take 3 lessons a week to get your riding fix in, and save the rest. When you finish college, that can be your stake for buying a horse that suits you and you'll be that much clearer on what you ultimately want to do.
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post #8 of 13 Old 12-31-2013, 10:08 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreamcatcher Arabians View Post
Here's a different suggestion. Why not stop leasing all together and save that money for when you're out of college and can buy and support your own horse? Take 3 lessons a week to get your riding fix in, and save the rest. When you finish college, that can be your stake for buying a horse that suits you and you'll be that much clearer on what you ultimately want to do.
That is a good idea! The place where I'm taking lessons now only does one class a week I believe, but I might ask to be sure. If not I also have a friend at another barn who I'm going to visit next week, I could maybe look into taking one lesson a week there and one a week at my current place.

"If you act like you've only got fifteen minutes, it will take all day. Act like you've got all day, it will take fifteen minutes."
-Monty Roberts
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post #9 of 13 Old 12-31-2013, 11:11 AM
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Quote:
If not I also have a friend at another barn who I'm going to visit next week, I could maybe look into taking one lesson a week there and one a week at my current place.
That is a very good idea. Your learning experience can grow immensely when riding with 2 good trainers. As I am sure you have noticed so far, there is more than one way of doing/looking at things in the horse world, and it really is nice to ride with different people.

Also, I'm from Montreal too! You have no idea how excited I am right now, as so far I haven't met anybody on the forum who lives in Quebec.

If I may ask, what area do you ride in? I am currently riding in the South Shore, but I used to ride at a barn in Notre-Dame-de-Ile-Perrot.
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post #10 of 13 Old 12-31-2013, 11:20 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hidalgo13 View Post
That is a very good idea. Your learning experience can grow immensely when riding with 2 good trainers. As I am sure you have noticed so far, there is more than one way of doing/looking at things in the horse world, and it really is nice to ride with different people.

Also, I'm from Montreal too! You have no idea how excited I am right now, as so far I haven't met anybody on the forum who lives in Quebec.

If I may ask, what area do you ride in? I am currently riding in the South Shore, but I used to ride at a barn in Notre-Dame-de-Ile-Perrot.
Yeah, exactly! I've seen three trainers including the one I'm seeing now and I'm still using some tricks that the others have taught me.

Haha yeah! There doesn't seem to be many of us on here, glad I found someone! I'm riding in St. Lazare - my lesson barn and lease barn are five minutes away from each other so it's super convenient!

"If you act like you've only got fifteen minutes, it will take all day. Act like you've got all day, it will take fifteen minutes."
-Monty Roberts
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