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Advice needed

This is a discussion on Advice needed within the Parenting forums, part of the Life Beyond Horses category

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        09-28-2012, 11:54 AM
      #11
    Started
    Jaydee they are merely friends. My daughter likes him but only as a friend. She takes him to school but than she said he rarely if ever talks to her once they get there. I think he is trying to find his own way. He doesn't want a girlfriend here as he is not staying. They laugh and have fun together...he said that Madison and her friends are "quite entertaining" But more brother and sister type relationship for them.
         
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        09-28-2012, 12:16 PM
      #12
    Super Moderator
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by WickedNag    
    Jaydee they are merely friends. My daughter likes him but only as a friend. She takes him to school but than she said he rarely if ever talks to her once they get there. I think he is trying to find his own way. He doesn't want a girlfriend here as he is not staying. They laugh and have fun together...he said that Madison and her friends are "quite entertaining" But more brother and sister type relationship for them.
    I hope I didn't offend you - its just that I have 4 sons and still have memories of some very young girls weeping at our door when they realised that the relationship was just a friendship!!!
    This young man is fortunate that he has found people like you to support him so I hope you can help sort something out for him. He's a long way from home and familiarity
         
        09-28-2012, 12:36 PM
      #13
    Started
    No offense taken. I have to say I love my daughter and the good head she has on her shoulder. She has a good friend that asked her about surviving without a boyfriend in her day to day life...She told Madison that she couldn't do it. Madison said to her I don't have time to be bothered with a boyfriend in her day to day life. They are too needy! The last one she had was worried about how long it was taking her to brush her teeth after lunch (yes I have one of those) and was always sending a friend in to hurry her up... she quit seeing him after two weeks as she said she wasn't ready to have someone tell her how long she could take to brush her teeth! LOL she is quite independent and more worried about making it to Mini Nationals next year and if she can start placing at APHA shows with her horse than if a boy likes the way she looks in her jeans!

    And just cause I think she is stunning here is another picture of her

         
        09-28-2012, 01:15 PM
      #14
    Green Broke
    WN-your daughter is a lovely girl & I'll bet you are relieved that she is much more concerned w/horses than boys-LOL. IN CA host families received $$ when they had a student-& I don't think it would take too long to get approval. He sounds like a nice young man-talk to the host & find out his alternatives. Hope things work out for all involved.
    Northernstar likes this.
         
        09-28-2012, 01:35 PM
      #15
    Started
    Deserthorsewoman... I don't think he thinks of himself as a failure but I am worried that he might for changing families and I am trying to reassure him that it ok to change host families. If I can get him over here I wonder if you could yahoo messenger him through my id and you could talk to him. Or even if I could pm you my phone number and arrange you talking to him. I didn't mean to sound stupid when I asked if you could speak German... lol I know there are different dialects there and not sure which he is. He is from Munich.
         
        09-28-2012, 01:39 PM
      #16
    Started
    CAcowgirl...there will be no funding for us. But he does get his own spending money for clothes and school from what I understand. I would have to supply his food and basic needs. I am checking with an organization now as to what it takes with their program to get approval but it may very well be different for the one he is with.

    I don't want him to have a bad experience here. I have grown to care very much about this young man in the past 6 weeks. After he talked to me so in depth last night I take it that he has also grown to care very much for our family as well. I am trying so hard to include him in things we do and keep him involved with my daughter and her friends so that he is meeting kids his own age instead of always been with grade school kids. I think he needs to go to the dances, movies and out to McDonalds with other teens. :)
    Northernstar likes this.
         
        09-28-2012, 02:33 PM
      #17
    Trained
    Im surprised the organization wouldn't match them up by age, actually.
    There were, and maybe are, organisations who do the "au pair" thing.....basically babysitting the host family kids in exchange for stay and school.
    I PM'd you
         
        09-28-2012, 02:36 PM
      #18
    Trained
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by WickedNag    
    deserthorsewoman... I don't think he thinks of himself as a failure but I am worried that he might for changing families and I am trying to reassure him that it ok to change host families. If I can get him over here I wonder if you could yahoo messenger him through my id and you could talk to him. Or even if I could pm you my phone number and arrange you talking to him. I didn't mean to sound stupid when I asked if you could speak German... lol I know there are different dialects there and not sure which he is. He is from Munich.
    Im actually from 80 miles south of Munich. So no problem with dialects
         
        09-28-2012, 02:47 PM
      #19
    Super Moderator
    If you create a strong bond with him, this may provide a future opportunity for you daughter to go to Germany and stay with his family for some time. Wouldn't that be cool?
         
        09-28-2012, 06:37 PM
      #20
    Foal
    Hi, I've been lurking for awhile, but felt I needed to register so I could respond to this... we have hosted two exchange students from Germany. Wonderful girls, still facebook with them both.

    WickedNag, the best thing to do is talk to his exchange advisor maybe without him present. Every program has different rules, but it isn't hard to get approved for placement of an exchange student. It would be nice if they all got "perfect normal" families, but that isn't the real world, and most of them know that coming over. Some of them do come thinking that everyone in the US is "rich", so the first time I had to say we couldn't afford something, it really shocked our girls.
    It is also very common for exchange students to change host families. Sometimes more than once.
    If your entire family is on board with him moving in, go for it. Otherwise, maybe he can spend time with both families if the lines of communication can stay open.
    Talking to someone in German may just make him more homesick, and increase the chances of him failing placement. That is why they are discouraged from calling home too early or to often.
    If his English is good enough that he can convey his thoughts and concerns to you, then you are the ear that he needs. Treat him like you would one of your own, and you will do fine.
    Northernstar likes this.
         

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