The Black Hole - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 11 Old 02-15-2013, 01:45 PM Thread Starter
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The Black Hole

Oh I love that child of mine. Yes I do.

Ok, cleaning is not my favorite thing to do, but every so often instead of just sweeping and shaking out the rugs I get the vacuum out and vacuum not only the cracks in the floor, (I have an old house with maple plank floors, of which have cracks big enough for small toys to fall through to the basement) but all the other nooks and crannies in my old house....and there are many.

Why you ask?
Because ..… it is the day after Valentines day, because it is cold, because the gardening catalogs are sitting on my desk taunting me to the fact that spring is not here yet, and because I’m going stir crazy.

I did do this before I set up the tree for the Holidays.... a while back.
For those of you who are clean freaks and do this once a week… talk to the hand. I don’t want to hear about your clean houses.
*one hand on hip… other hand has palm in your face gesture*

Where was I?
…. Oh, yeah … so, when I do this I usually clean the under the couch. Otherwise known as the toy eater Black Hole.
Now most of my furniture will get the occasion crayon or piece of paper in the small tiny crack between it and the floor. I mean that’s normal, right?
However the hole under the couch is, well, Huge!

Because I have also broken far too many Eurekas, I have long since learned to bypass those fancy upright things and just use a shop vac. I mean, if you have a kid, or a farm… you need a shop vac.
If you have a kid and a farm...…then you need a BIG shop vac!

Still, I have learned that because a shop vac is indeed awesome, it is in my best interest to swipe under said couch with a broom first. Lest I have to explain to a crying child why half of his legos for his special precious “it” character disappeared into the sucking monster…. never to be seen again.
Now keep in mind I just did this before Christmas (again, no comments from the clean freaks!)

So, I have decided that one of two very strange things are happening at my house-

1. Every single time I turn my back my child decides to stuff as many toys under the couch as humanly possible. (Very possible)

2. The toys themselves have decided they want to have a Toy Story like adventure and figure if they cram themselves under the couch, I will eventually get them with the sucking monster and set them free in the garbage. Where they will ban together, rip out of the bag, and go on a great many adventure. (Far more likely!)

Today’s finds- 5 super balls, 3 marbles, 1 plastic golf ball, 1 large plastic jet plane, 1 transformer, 1 calculator, 1 block of post its, 7 writing utensils, 1 slinky, 1 telescope (small,) 12 paper airplanes, 3 pieces of train track, part of a science experiment, a lost sheet of homework, too many dust bunnies, oodles of crumbs… enough to feed a starving family somewhere I’m sure, and so many fruit snack wrappers I lost count.

So now, I am sitting down to rest my aching back and knees…. after having to take to advil for them, and nursing a cup of coffee while said kiddo is having a ball at the Valentine‘s day party at school.
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post #2 of 11 Old 02-15-2013, 02:09 PM
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there will come a day that you'll look under the couch and find nothing but dust bunnies, and think wistfully on the days of random treasures under there.
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post #3 of 11 Old 02-16-2013, 11:02 AM
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ok reading that literally made me LOL!!

my under couch sucks in dog toys... I can understand balls rolling under there, but how do the plush toys get under there?? It must be like the toy story... under couch means safety.
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post #4 of 11 Old 02-16-2013, 02:02 PM
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^ Not a parent but I can relate to Peppers, every time the vacuum comes out our young lab is at attention and has a ball with the toys and bones and balls and dishes and teddies. we pull out from under the couch.
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post #5 of 11 Old 02-19-2013, 11:54 AM
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I just found this and LOLOLOLed!!!! What a find! Did you get to throw away the paper planes?
Usually those are met with the most resistance, not the pieces of missing legos that came in a kit that cost $100...

Bless their hearts.
I cringe when I'm called to find the lost unicorn under the bed or couch.
(WHY ON EARTH where you throwing it against the wall if you love it so?)

Attempting to locate the missing beloved creature requires a thorough dusting and then a mad cleaning spree because I avoid the "unders" like the plague... Then time to figure out how to wash it in the machine without it falling apart, I have a meeting in town so now I have to do some super math and decide weather or not I have enough water to wash the dust out of my hair.

(Oh Heavens thank you for the now found missing purple sparkly flip flop she lost two years ago and cried about for days that will no longer fit yet I will now have to pin her down on the floor to pry them off her feet and replace with decent shoes before we head to town)

There's a giant pile of dust bunny covered toys to sort through before she notices that I'm going to throw half of them away because OBVIOUSLY she hasn't missed them (mostly junk given to her from Mimi when she took her to McDonalds... XO).... Again, bless their hearts, and ours!

LOVE your shop vac idea! DH has decided that it's OK to vacuum ashes with my stupid worthless dyson & the back up 15 year old monster that has kept me sane... They're ruined. Off to buy me a new monster and lock it in the closet!

You can get a lot further with a ladder than you can with crutches!!
What do you mean what do I mean?
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post #6 of 11 Old 02-19-2013, 12:32 PM
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Heh...heh....under the

Yep......when my daughters complain about not finding their toys. My first responce is....'' Did you look under the COUCH????''
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post #7 of 11 Old 02-19-2013, 04:50 PM Thread Starter
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OMG Fly... the "twinsies" strikes again.....I just know they are exactly alike.
I forgot to mention the boot I found the other day... it was from like 1st grade or something....and yes, he tried to cram his foot into it also, just like his twin.
Just one boot to pry off though, thankfully, and I'm sure the same thing will happen next year when I find the other one.
Hope I can get that one off without a trip to the ER.

Yep... paper airplanes are waaayy more "valuable" than the most expensive Lego sets. Santa refuses to bring anymore legos to this house.

I do have a fully fuctioning Eureka..... it sits all purdy in the back room....crisp and pristine looking. I just had to replace the most recent one I broke. I think I used it three years ago??
Shop Vac on the other hand...can't even tell what color it used to be. :)

Last edited by Lockwood; 02-20-2013 at 10:23 PM.
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post #8 of 11 Old 02-20-2013, 11:58 AM
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Yep, Twins!!!
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You can get a lot further with a ladder than you can with crutches!!
What do you mean what do I mean?
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post #9 of 11 Old 02-20-2013, 01:02 PM
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This thread makes me giggle. I can totally relate!
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Life is like a camera. Focus on what's important, Capture the good times, Develop from the negatives and if things don't work out, Take another shot.
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post #10 of 11 Old 02-20-2013, 01:23 PM
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Fly mentioning the toys that we parents have to clean up from McDonalds happy meals brought back to me a rush of anger. I remember now having to clean up more utter junk that came from that source. I wanted to sue them for the tons of crap they are adding to the dump piles of the world, brigh purple or green toys that will never decompose and will be one of the lasting testimants to our civilization when unearthed by some distant future anthropologist.
Thanks Ronald !
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