Bullying in school - Page 3 - The Horse Forum
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post #21 of 33 Old 03-09-2013, 12:40 AM
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Originally Posted by Maple View Post
I do see where you are coming from DA, but I can't bring myself to tell a nearly 6yo to hit another child. I have nothing against learning self defense, but I don't feel comfortable telling my child that the only solution to violence is with further violence.
I hear you :)

On the flip side, self defense classes and martial arts also add a degree of self confidence to a person. If they can fling their sparring partner to the ground, or knock their sparring partner down, a taunting bully suddenly becomes easier to deal with mentally.

It also puts tools in their toolbox in case they are in fact attacked.

* I'm often reading and posting from mobile and Siri loves to make a mockery of the English language.
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post #22 of 33 Old 03-09-2013, 01:17 AM
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Originally Posted by Maple View Post
Alex - I don't expect them to talk to me about the other child - but I do expect them to tell me what they propose to do about it. I don't think much will be done to be honest, but I refuse to let them sweep it under the rug and think i will allow my child be treated like this... maybe other parents will ignore it but I won't.

If I'm going to be the opinionated foreign Mommy, I may as well do a good job. :)

I certainly don't expect you to sit back and do nothing. I think you are doing the right thing and pushing the school to stop the bully.

But I don't think it's reasonable to expect the school to tell you what they will do to the other child. My school district would say nothing more than something along the lines of we are talking to the other parents, or we are dealing with the other child.
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post #23 of 33 Old 03-09-2013, 07:29 AM
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Maple-all you can do is tell them what YOU will do if they do not take care of the issue. You can only control yourself and your kid. I am with Alex-if they are professional, they should not tell you what they will do with the other kid. Just like when I was running an ortho neuro unit and someone was unhappy with one of my staff. They had no right to know the details of how I dealt with my staff member-just that I did. There is privacy involved, as difficult as it is.

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post #24 of 33 Old 03-09-2013, 08:03 AM
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Unfortunately these days, everyone is afraid of getting sued over the littlest things.
Whilst i agree that a violent response may be in order, i also advocate it only as a last resort.
The school administrators have had ample opportunity to remedy the issue, but have seemingly failed to do so. I assume you have copies of all communication with regard to these incidents, as well as documented times and dates of phone calls over these events.
Personally, my approach would be twofold.
First, on my meeting with school officials, i would provide copies of all information i have in one neat, clear, and concise package. I would inform them politely but very firmly, that their inaction is causing you and your child distress, and negatively affecting their learning environment. Hint at legal action if no action is taken to remedy the situation.
Give precise timelines for your requests to be implemented, and follow through completely.
I would also prepare your child to physically defend themself should the need arise.
Personally, through most of my school days i was the bully target, simply because i wasalways the biggest kid in school. My dilemma being that if i beat someone down, i was the bad guy picking on the smaller kid; or, if i let them whip me, i was a wimp. No win situation.
It finally ended when three guys decided to pick a fight with me at recess during a pickup football game. I ended up with a split lip and black eye, but they all fared much worse, with one losing a tooth, one with bruised ribs, and the third with a concussion.
That was the last time anyone saw fit to pick on me.
Self defense is a natural right, regardless of what any reputed "authority" may have to say.
You have essentially two options here. You can stand up and take decisive action, or roll over and give up. You don't seem like the roll over type to me.
Cover your bases, promise them action, and make it happen with extreme prejudice.
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post #25 of 33 Old 03-09-2013, 09:12 AM
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I was always a tall, athletic girl so not too many people messed with me. There was a boy in the second grade that mercilessly teased some of the other kids, and reduced my smallest friend to tears. We had a parade at school, he took my pom poms, so I turned and bit the crap out of his arm. My mother called the school and went in on multiple occasions and said if something wasn't done about the little hellion, I would end up pummeling him. He never bothered me or my friends again. This was at a private, Christian school. Getting beat up by a girl can be very humbling, but my brother was 7 years older and had 100 pounds on me. I had a long fuse and he wore it out.

Another case with this delicate little boy, half my size, allergic to everything under the sun, wore suspenders and glasses to school, extremely sheltered. Because he was such a delicate little flower, he got away with everythingad teachers turned a blind eye because he was fragile. One day at recess, he nailed me in the back with a baseball diamond. No good reason, I didn't like nor play baseball. He thought it'd be funny. I couldnt cream the little twerp without killing him, so I picked him up by his shirt and said I'd clean his clock if he ever hit me again. He never did. Honestly, it is a dog eat dog world and even if you are a chihuahua, it pays to have a big bark.
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post #26 of 33 Old 03-09-2013, 09:17 AM Thread Starter
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As for police action - my faith in the gardai is pretty limited. Lets put it this way - a car was stolen at work, a co worker saw it and followed. He met a gardai car in a petrol station and pulled in to ask for help - she told him it was not her area and to call the station. Here you can not even protect yourself, in your own home if there is an intruder or you can be charged with assault.

I am going in, I am telling them something must be done or I will be looking at my options. I will have my work cut out for me - the joys of being a new comer to a close-knit Irish village, and knowing the other child's father is a big part of the community.

Stop for a minute, open your mind, learn. You may not agree with what I say, I may not agree with what you say but we will both learn something new.
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post #27 of 33 Old 03-09-2013, 12:11 PM
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Get brutal.
Throw pictures of dead children at them - Sandy Hook, Virginia Tech, Taber, Montreal - That's where it all leads too.

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post #28 of 33 Old 03-09-2013, 05:38 PM
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My son was knocked down by a bully repeatedly when he was in 5th grade. My husband spent hours teaching him to throw a good punch. He would hold a pillow and get him to hit it over and over. He was too afraid to actually hit the bully for quite a while, but he finally met his limit when the kid knocked him down and started laughing at him. My son stood up and punched the kid in the face. The bully fell down crying. He ended up with a nice black eye. This ended the bullying. It also ended my son's low self image.

Teach them to "walk softly but carry a big stick".

Carpe Diem!
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post #29 of 33 Old 03-09-2013, 07:36 PM
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This meeting with the school staff should be the last one. Request that the school behaviorial assistance attend as well. You must demand clear expectations -- not wishy-washy, "we'll have to deal with each situation as it happens" BS. I've been there too. Tell them what YOU expect and tell them it is all about protecting your own child and your own child's rights. Tell them your child is to call you or your husband immediately when there is another confrontation, not wait until after school. Your child needs to know that you are there to support her at all times.

My expectation would be that the bully is isolated in another area in the school where the bully is alone except for an adult supervisor. This means isolation for the remainder of the day; a half hour or hour doesn't cut it. This kid is a manipulator already. If it's late in the day, then the child is not to return to school the next day or be isolated the entire day. Kids are smart -- they will wait till late in the day when they figure this out unless you push the isolation to the next day.

If the confrontations continue, ask them to contact child services or you will. There is likely a problem in the household or with the child and they may be able to help sort them out.

I hate, just HATE that the systems don't crunch down immediately on misbehaviours. This third-time-you're-out business that is typically used only teaches the children that they can do "it" two times without serious consequence.

If you don't get CLEAR confirmation of expectations and actions, then escalate to the school board and don't let them put you off for weeks. If your regular schoolboard rep isn't available, go to the next step up.

Man, I have SOOOO been there. We had a kid that I finally told the school that if they didn't deal with the problem, I would call child services myself. They didn't, so I did. It worked. Whether child services helped the family or just the child, I don't know, but things did improve. Not 100%, but my child was much better off after the phone call.
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post #30 of 33 Old 03-11-2013, 01:00 PM Thread Starter
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Had the meeting today. I left the kids with a friend who has had kids in the school for a few years and she warned me beforehand that the principal hasn't a backbone and will do very little.

I informed both the principal and the teacher that this other child and assaulted my child, that there should be a zero tolerance for physical alterations. I told them that if this other girl touches my daughter maliciously again, I will be contacted the gardai and my lawyer.

The reason behind the kick in the back from the other child's mouth was because my daughter had "tagged" a different child too hard and bumped into her. An incident that had nothing to do with her.I was informed that as punishment, the child had a letter sent home and wasn't allowed playtime on Friday with the rest of the class.

I have told my daughter that if this other child touches her again, she is to 1) tell a teacher 2) insist the teacher call me immediately and refuse to go back into class until they do. I have told both the principal and the teacher I want to be notified immediately if anything else is to happen.

The principal felt justified that they had "made progress" with the other child's behavior in the last year and a half. I told him he needed to think about suspensions and the affect bullying has on students - brought up Sandy Hook, Columbine as suggested. I also told him that if my child is to retaliate, that it will be in self defense and if another child gets away with such violence, I expect her to as well.
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Stop for a minute, open your mind, learn. You may not agree with what I say, I may not agree with what you say but we will both learn something new.
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