Circumcision, and why people can't just respect your descision. - Page 8
   

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Circumcision, and why people can't just respect your descision.

This is a discussion on Circumcision, and why people can't just respect your descision. within the Parenting forums, part of the Life Beyond Horses category

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        10-20-2012, 12:54 PM
      #71
    Trained
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by nikelodeon79    
    No research here, just personal experience.

    My son is one year old and was circumcised at birth. I don't necessarily feel like the circumcision itself causes nursing issues, but rather the timing. I let other people talk me into sending him to the nursery at night, rather than keeping him with me. I instructed them to bring him in whenever he needed to nurse. They brought him in once, and then the next morning I sat there wondering where on earth my baby was. The lactation consultant came in to help us out with nursing and she went off in search of him. When he was finally brought to me, he had already been circumcised (we did elect for the procedure, but weren't told when it would be performed). He hadn't had hardly any opportunity to figure out nursing, and post circumcision he was sleepy and probably in a bit of pain so he had very little interest in nursing. The lactation consultant was upset with the hospital because they were supposed to wait until after she had met with us before going through with the procedure.

    We ended up struggling for months and finally had to give up on nursing.

    If I had it to do over again, I would still get him circumcised, but would be more vocal about when the procedure would be performed.

    As far as the reasoning for circumcision, if you look at a lot of the biblical time laws, the reasonings are for health/cleanliness. It makes sense, because they didn't have the things we have now (medicines, cleaning products, etc.). So, yes, circumcision was once about cleanliness. Now, thought an uncircumcised penis might require a bit more care (or at least a different form of care), they are not more "dirty" than a circumcised one. One of the arguments anti-circumcision people use is that people are choosing the procedure as a convenience to THEM, and not necessarily doing what's best for the baby.
    You admit yourself that your issue is not the fact that the circ was done, but in your opinion, when it was done. I would agree that there was bad timing, but I would say, as a mom who nursed twice rather successfully (once with twins), both times with boys who were circed-that most likely your issue was more one of the fact that they didn't bring the baby to you (I am guessing this was your first, so maybe you weren't comfortable asking the nursing staff what in the H%&& they were doing with him all those hours and what they were feeding him??).....than one of having anything to do with the procedure regardless of when it was done. I am pretty surprised at your "lactation consultant" and would guess that her displeasure was more the fact that the staff did not bring you the baby enough early on, which is critical to the success of nursing, than having anything whatever to do with the procedure. Her timing and their timing were poor, as she happened to come when the baby was tired, also. Sounds to me like the stars aligned poorly for you all in all. Bonding is critical. That is why rooming in is important. I did send mine to the nursery at night for a few hours only.....other than that, they were with me. (other than the one twin who was in ICU in another hospital for a week, and I pumped milk for.........which, BTW, my then 4 yr old was amazed at-and wondered why daddy didn't just go to 7-11 for the milk-why he had to stop and see mom to get it.....lol)
         
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        10-20-2012, 02:22 PM
      #72
    Yearling
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by franknbeans    
    You admit yourself that your issue is not the fact that the circ was done, but in your opinion, when it was done. I would agree that there was bad timing, but I would say, as a mom who nursed twice rather successfully (once with twins), both times with boys who were circed-that most likely your issue was more one of the fact that they didn't bring the baby to you (I am guessing this was your first, so maybe you weren't comfortable asking the nursing staff what in the H%&& they were doing with him all those hours and what they were feeding him??).....than one of having anything to do with the procedure regardless of when it was done. I am pretty surprised at your "lactation consultant" and would guess that her displeasure was more the fact that the staff did not bring you the baby enough early on, which is critical to the success of nursing, than having anything whatever to do with the procedure. Her timing and their timing were poor, as she happened to come when the baby was tired, also. Sounds to me like the stars aligned poorly for you all in all. Bonding is critical. That is why rooming in is important. I did send mine to the nursery at night for a few hours only.....other than that, they were with me. (other than the one twin who was in ICU in another hospital for a week, and I pumped milk for.........which, BTW, my then 4 yr old was amazed at-and wondered why daddy didn't just go to 7-11 for the milk-why he had to stop and see mom to get it.....lol)
    Yes, I definitely agree that there was more going on than just the circ. Had I insisted that they leave him with and been more demanding about where he was and what they were doing with him, I think things would've turned out differently.

    If I have another child (yes, he's my first), I will be more authoritative. I listened to friends and family that said, "Oh you HAVE TO send him to the nursery for the night... it's the last time in a long time you'll ever get sleep. That may be true, but the trade-off for a few extra hours of sleep just isn't worth it.
    franknbeans likes this.
         
        10-20-2012, 03:11 PM
      #73
    Weanling
    Ugh....I sent her a little note via FB (because trying to talk to her on the phone about something like this ends up sooo one sided!), that basically said-

    (and I'm shortening this a lot..)

    She needed to respect my view on the matter, even though she didn't support it, and that It really pissed me off how she refused to even change a diaper...And that she was coming out to help me in this time, and bond with her new nephew..and that with that attitude, I was questioning having her there at all. Also I said that I had been dealing with her view shoving for years on many( MANY MANY MANY) different subjects, but this subject would not be tolerated..

    She wrote back That I need to grow up, and that I was obviously searching for validation to something I know is wrong by by "getting the last word in". Amongst some other things... and that she DOES NOT shove her views on to me (TOTAL BS), which is funny because, not a paragraph later she was complaining about my traveling preferences and that I needed to get over my massive fear of flying..she is ALWAYS complaining at me about that.


    If she weren't my sister (and basically my last close family- I have a very disfunctional family), I would hate her.

    I am so thankful for my husbands family... While yes they have their issues, they are pretty darn close knit, and I want my kid to have that, as I did not.


    As for breast feeding and all that stuff...I have made it VERY clear to my doctor that I want rooming in, and if he goes to the nursury, he is not to be fed because I will breast feed if he has latching issues, fine..Ill have my breast pump:). I will have hand outs of my birth plan for all these people...yes I will be one of THOSE women lol.


    I have read all sorts of things saying that drugs they give you for pain and induction can mess up bonding (and essentially breast feeding) because they block the "only in birth" endorphin rush essential for bonding- I believe the theory, although I'm sure it is not the truth for ALL women. So I'm going to do what I can to get that darn rush...


    I have to say I appreciate everyones civility on this issue..I like to see opinions on both sides of the fence discussed to nicely!
    franknbeans likes this.
         
        10-20-2012, 03:16 PM
      #74
    Trained
    Stand firm with her. You now have a partner (your hubby) to support you. She can sit in the back seat, so to speak.
    peppersgirl likes this.
         
        10-20-2012, 03:16 PM
      #75
    Weanling
    And to a poster back in the thread (sorry! Forgot who said it).

    It is kinda thought provoking...If I weren't going to circ him, whats to say he wouldnt come at me as teenager or older and want to know why it wasnt done.. or vice versa... no matter what you do you have no idea what the childs wishes will be... If whatever I do happens to be what he doesnt want- there is going to be surgery involved either way.. to me it seems like a ****ed if you do, ****ed if you don't kinda thing..
         
        10-20-2012, 03:20 PM
      #76
    Super Moderator
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by peppersgirl    
    And to a poster back in the thread (sorry! Forgot who said it).

    It is kinda thought provoking...If I weren't going to circ him, whats to say he wouldnt come at me as teenager or older and want to know why it wasnt done.. or vice versa... no matter what you do you have no idea what the childs wishes will be... If whatever I do happens to be what he doesnt want- there is going to be surgery involved either way.. to me it seems like a ****ed if you do, ****ed if you don't kinda thing..
    ..but it can be done later and then it would be his choice, so you are not ****ed either way. I just asked both my boys and they were horrified at the idea.
         
        10-20-2012, 03:23 PM
      #77
    Weanling
    What concerns me though is there is a chance my husband will be sent to NTC around my due date ( its a month long training thing so he will possibly be missing the birth).. even though he isnt going to be in the army long enough to deploy again (stupid army!!). So it would be nice to have family there for support.. errr.
         
        10-20-2012, 03:33 PM
      #78
    Weanling
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Clava    
    ..but it can be done later and then it would be his choice, so you are not ****ed either way. I just asked both my boys and they were horrified at the idea.

    Because its not what they want...which would dissipate this argument..

    But what if I don't circ my kid, and he ends up later in life saying "mom why didnt you get this done when I was a baby??" and then he has to have it done because he wants/or has to have it done... from what I understand it does take a while to get sensation back when done...this wouldn't be an issue to a baby, but to a grown man?


    vs.


    I circ my kid...but then down the line he ends up being bothered by it for whatever reason...there again he can opt to fix it... still a procedure that I'm sure will screw up sensation for a bit...

    Obviously if the kid ends up being ok with it in the end, whatever I decide...then this wouldnt be an issue at all... but there is NO garantee that the cards will fall that way.
         
        10-20-2012, 03:40 PM
      #79
    Trained
    Like I said before-most men are fine with either one, at least the ones I know. However-the thought of anyone changing what they currently have to anything else-horrifying. Shoot, some won't even have vasectomies because they are wimps below the waist.

    So, Clava-why do you insist on being like the OP's sister? Why can you not respect her decision? Noone said you had to agree.
         
        10-20-2012, 04:24 PM
      #80
    Foal
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by silverfae    
    I have to say - penises are downright ugly whether or not they have a turtleneck - sorry guys! =P

    I think the "problems bonding" stuff comes from the breastfeeding aspect - it can delay breastfeeding because it is a painful, unanesthetized procedure and it makes many babies uncomfortable, so they may not latch as well, feed as vigorously, etc. And while the bonding in the first few days is really great and important, it's not the be all end all of whether or not you will have a good bond with your child (or even whether or not you will be successful at breastfeeding your child or not!). The first 2 years of a child's life and how you interact with them in that time will have a LOT more bearing on your child's life than the first few days.
    Looking back on this, I should have worded it differently - I didn't mean to imply that I thought this was true at all, just that I think that's where the idea that it harms bonding comes from. It made sense to me at the time, but now that I have had a couple kids and done the breastfeeding thing, I would tend to doubt it, unless there were complications.

    Also, I don't know where people get the idea that if men aren't circumcised that they are at a higher risk of infection. A foreskin doesn't hold in bacteria nearly as badly as a labia does. Not to mention, foreskins aren't really hanging out anywhere near the areas that cause infections in the way that vaginas are, except when they are babies, and when boys are babies, their foreskins are actually attached to the head of the penis and they don't come unattached until they are like 5 or 6 unless they are forced, so nothing can get in their when they are little anyway, anymore than it could if they were cut.
         

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