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Horses after kids?

This is a discussion on Horses after kids? within the Parenting forums, part of the Life Beyond Horses category

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        02-03-2013, 07:20 PM
      #31
    Foal
    I guess im lucky O.o im finally getting back into horses. My daughters almost 2 and im finally able to buy another horse. My husband is fine to take her after he's done with work and my parents and my MIL loves to watch her.
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        02-03-2013, 08:30 PM
      #32
    Yearling
    Y'all are lucky. I was not able to get a horse until my youngest moved out. I got a horse that month! I'm jealous because I waited 23 years for that.
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        02-20-2013, 03:39 PM
      #33
    Foal
    If you want it, you'll find ways to make it work. Until I started back at school, I woke up at 4am, which gave me enough time to get to the barn and squeeze in a ride before DH woke up. It takes a lot of planning - I grocery shop literally in the middle of the night (Walmart), do a lot of freezer meals that are quick to cook. I also gave up my boarding business and pay someone else to keep my horses. It was hard to give up control, but it was either micromanage or ride, and they're too expensive to keep if you don't get to enjoy them.

    I don't think we will have another until he's ready to start school, can't afford 2 in daycare plus horses. I dread doing baby craziness again, but the baby itself is the best thing in the world!

    I don't have a lot of support, but I do have a great husband who loves being a father. I will say, it seems like a lot of men show their true colors once they have a child. It's amazing how many lazy jerks there are out there, thank god for mine.
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        02-21-2013, 03:07 PM
      #34
    Yearling
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by bubbleslove    
    I don't think we will have another until he's ready to start school, can't afford 2 in daycare plus horses. I dread doing baby craziness again, but the baby itself is the best thing in the world!
    .
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    I have to say from my own experience, its a lovely age gap. There are 4 years between my two, and she is like his second mother! I know not all kids are so welcoming to a sibling, but it couldn't have worked out better for me. Saying that..... no way would I go down that path again, I had finally achieved a sense of freedom (3 hours playschool to go out and ride my horse!) and it was taken away again. Pros and Cons, but I wouldnt change the way it happened at all.
         
        02-21-2013, 03:39 PM
      #35
    Foal
    That's what I'm afraid of :( I'll finally get my 'me time' back and then backslide 4 whole years! If we could afford it all I'd probably just get it all over with within a couple years (sounds terrible right?) but not going to happen. Oh well!
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        02-21-2013, 03:59 PM
      #36
    Yearling
    I went from chasing CTR's and Endurance rides all over the place every few weekends or so and conditioning 2 hours at a time every other day and spending 25 miles out on the trail on weekends for fun. I also worked full time THEN

    Here comes baby #1 - absolutely no time for horses and still hardly can get in the saddle and she is 13 now. Baby #2 is three and I am a stay-at-home mom now, but still can't ride - no sitter and can't justify paying for one (preschool or otherwise) since the purpose of me being here is to be the babysitter. Can't very well take her with me in the saddle for 10 miles a trip at a 10 mph trot down country roads...

    Those of you who mentioned parking the stroller next to the fence - well I envy you - I don't have that kind of patience. Tried it once and ended up with nothing but a pissed off horse, crying kids and me about to commit murder on the next victim that crossed my path.

    People say - 'oh! You are a stay at home mom AND your horses live with you so you must ride all of the time everyday and must enjoy it so much!' LOL - I feed my horses in the eve with a flashlight after supper. I might get to go into their pasture on a weekend if the oldest daughter happens to be playing with the youngest. If I want to ride for more than an hour (even in my own arena!) I have to schedule into the day and remind the family that I will not be here from X to X time.

    My hubby runs his own business and works 60 hr weeks - he is the family bread winner so I don't haggle him when he wants to sleep in on the weekends and just sit still on the couch and relax without crazy hyper kids jumping all over him. I have girlfriends who are in the same situation who's marriages are on the rocks (or worse) because they demand 'me' time without considering it is a team effort - I am not so dumb as to realize that he is the reason I still get to keep my horses here (I have four) and buys a years worth of hay every year. I don't complain but do I miss it and sometimes I do get teary eyed especially when friends call and tell me all about the new endurance rides they tried out - how their horses are doing - fun stories, etc. Are there days I wake up and wish I wasn't a mommy and wish I had my previous life back? You betcha. But I do love being a mommy - and I do love taking the kids for rides around the house.

    The youngest is getting old enough to start a preschool program or even a mothers-day-out program where she can go for half days a couple of times a week. Going to try to find something that fits our schedule and isn't too expensive since the whole point of me staying home is to save the money that we'd be paying someone else to babysit our kid and keeping me home to spend quality time with her as a mom. Going to bring up the subject with hubby later on - if he says yes, I might get a little time in - if he says no, then it looks like I'm still grounded until she starts kindergarten - then it's back to a full time job again - etc etc etc....

    Many of my friends gave up horses all toghether and never got back into them even tho they had good intentions. Many became the soccer mom/sports mom/horse show mom....the latter being somewhat horse involved, but they are still grounded.

    I have my horses - always have and will - even if all I do for months is feed them at night with a flashlight!
    FlyGap and Elizabeth Bowers like this.
         
        02-22-2013, 01:21 PM
      #37
    Yearling
    Ok, i'm just going to throw in my life experience, to put some light on life.
    Yes, i'm married, have an amazing and loving husband, who would make a great father, but his priorities are f*%$ed. Me, I decided I never wanted kids, but wanted a life companion. Always had horses, my whole life they were there LITERALLY!!
    Ok, I DID NOT have the baby itch when I got pregnant, when I found out I was 16-18wks. I cried for two weeks straight, I thought I was going to have to sell my horses. We currently still live in this horrid tin can trailer. I hated being pregnant, I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat tomatoes, or drink hot green tea. But I did ride my horses until I was about 20-22wks, then I physically could not get my big @$$ up into the saddle. My in-laws drove me nuts, telling me all the time if I rode the horse I was going to lose my child, I wasn't allowed to do hardly anything!!! I went ballistic! Then with the loving reassurance of my feionce (at the time) I finally accepted the fact of being pregnant, and did some soul searching. I was beginning to get excited for our bundle of joy, whom was a big surprise to us. We got married that November (found out I was prego in Sept.), 6 days later I lost my son. I was only 23 weeks. He lived for 2 days. My life had shattered around me. I fell into such a deep depression, I wanted to die. I literally did nothing for months. I felt I had failed, it was my fault, a few of my in-laws accused me of killing my son. Lets just say they are not part of my family, and never will be. I knew it wasn't my fault, it couldn't have been helped, and we still don't know why it happened. My husband knew I needed something to get me back into life. I found a photo-less ad for my paint I own now, I showed it to him, and requested pics. She was my valentine's day gift too, she came home in April. She is the reason I got back into my life, and got back into living and enjoying everything about it, and how precious it really is. I will never give up my horses. I can't, not after how much they have done and helped me through. Since that was my first experience with pregnancy, i'm absolutely terrified to try again, if I even do. For now I do have kids, 4-legged ones, 9 to be exact. And they are enough.
    I hope this gives some insight as to how much life can change within a single day.
    I do apologize for the novel.
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        02-26-2013, 01:03 AM
      #38
    Green Broke
    OH my gosh Elizabeth.... my heart just broke for you!! I simply cannot imagine the pain of losing a child. That is a horrible horrible thing that I wish no parent should ever have to endure, especially with such unsupportive people around you. I'm so sorry. It is amazing what healing powers a horse can have! It sounds like you have a wonderful husband too! Hugs and prayers to you!
         
        02-26-2013, 12:31 PM
      #39
    Yearling
    Thanks Upnover. Yes I think it is possible to have kids AND horses, but as of the moment it's not for us. We're still up on debate on a few subjects. But will I ever give them up NO, I hope by that time we'll be making enough $$$ to be able to support our hobbies and kids. My mom found a way to do it, i'm sure I can too.
         
        02-26-2013, 01:57 PM
      #40
    Yearling
    I am sorry for your loss Elizabeth. I lost a baby before I had my son, but I was only about 16 weeks gone. I managed to chalk it up to "wasnt meant to be" very quickly and figured there must have been something wrong... I had a d&C and was back in work the next morning.

    Pay no notice to those who insult you and try to dictate what to do. When I was preg with the one I lost I got alot of grief over my riding and I stopped quite quickly. Oddly, as I didnt know about my son for so long I rode until I was 6 months pregnant with him. I've learned to the best way is to do what is right for you, and sod the rest of them :)
    Elizabeth Bowers likes this.
         

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