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Issue with father...

This is a discussion on Issue with father... within the Parenting forums, part of the Life Beyond Horses category

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        07-17-2014, 08:12 AM
      #11
    Yearling
    The horses need to be re-homed first of all. Especially if you think your father will get revenge on you by selling them to slaughter. If you contact law enforcement or anyone, they won't help the animals unless they are starving/neglected.

    I would start riding every day and get them going really nicely. Since you have internet access, you can start advertising them for sale.

    Look for no-kill rescues for the rest of your pets. Get them placed. Where I live there are many many no-kill rescues that will take surrendered pets.

    I realize how heartbreaking it will be to give up your furry friends... But this is something you need to do.

    Once your pets are out of danger, you need to go to law enforcement or child protective services. Be sure to mention that your father won't let you fill out a Fasfa.

    There is also early emancipation:
    A Teenager's Guide to Emancipation | CTLawHelp.org – Connecticut Legal Information

    • If you need some relief from family problems, you might be able to stay with a friend or in a youth shelter for awhile. Most youth shelters will need your parent's permission to let you stay overnight. Or, you may want to talk to a trusted counselor or teacher.
    • If your parents made you leave home or they will not let you return, or if it would be dangerous for you to return, you may be eligible for financial help even if you are not emancipated.
    Since you have internet access, it is within your reach to find help. This is the time to start planning how you are going to leave...

    I ended up homeless during high school because my house was destroyed by a tornado. I ended up living at different friend's houses for over 6 months! A friend with horses had me muck stalls for her, and I got to stay in her spare bedroom. At the same time, I was applying for every scholarship I could, and working on college applications!

    There are many barns who will hire someone to muck stalls in exchange for free rent/living expenses. It may involve cleaning, pulling weeds, fixing fences and mucking, etc.

    You should also talk to your friend's families once the animals are placed, in case you need a temporary place to stay. Even just for a few nights.

    It is entirely possible for you to get out of the environment you are in. It will just take a lot of work and determination on your part.

    You biggest enemy will be yourself. If you feel depressed, it will prevent you from doing what you need to do to get out.

    Get the animals placed, talk to your friend's parents, and see if your friend's parents will drive you to the police department or help you set up meetings with social services.

    You will need to put your concern for your mother aside. It is not your job to protect her!

    It is very easy to end up trapped in that sort of relationship. I had an abusive ex-bf. He was so sweet and kind at first, charming to everyone, but he had a hidden side that didn't show itself for over a year! Then the abusive behavior started. He would threaten to kill himself if I tried to leave. If he ever got angry about something in the car, he would drive dangerously (at high speeds etc). I must have been insane to stay with someone like that! Abuser's are very manipulative and capable of being extremely charming towards everyone else (like the police). He could talk himself out of tickets...

    I tried to warn his next girlfriend, but at that point he was back to pretending to be charming and nice. She has been with him for several years now, and I'm certain he is using the same controlling behavior towards her.

    My point here, is that it is the psychological control that will prevent you from getting out of the situation. You cannot leave because he will hurt your horses, your pets, or your mother... You are too stupid to leave, you are too depressed, you don't know how to survive on your own, you don't have money, you don't have a place to live etc.

    I'm sure you've heard of learned helplessness (as regards to horse training). The same applies here. You are being taught that you don't have the resources you need to get out. He is denying you access to those resources (such as financial aid).

    It takes a very strong person to break out of a situation like that. It is entirely possible with the right support.

    Another thing to consider (and I strongly advise this)... Is to look for mental health counseling. You are in an extremely stressful situation, in a bad environment... You will not be walking away without some mental "scars" that need healing. Colleges often offer free mental health services, along with group therapy, medication or anything else you need. Child services may know of some programs as well.

    Counseling is not just for the mentally ill. It is for anyone who is struggling with unresolved issues whether they be abuse related or depression/anxiety.

    Only a strong person can get out of the environment you are describing.

    I had a friend in High school who also grew up in an abusive environment. She is completing nursing school, is happily married, and has children.

    As a young child, I had another friend who's parents were drug addicts. They never had enough food in the house, no running water, no shoes and would run down the street barefoot. The kids would go to my house to shower using the hose! She ended up in foster care, and is now working as a vet technician.
         
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        07-18-2014, 05:39 PM
      #12
    Yearling
    Re-home the horses

    Get emmancipated

    Get a job and move out

    Invite your mom to follow
         
        07-19-2014, 12:26 AM
      #13
    Showing
    Unless your father is willing to get next to nothing for your horses, no broker will buy them. If they are sent to auction, it's a good place for many potential buyers to view many horses in one day at one place instead of running all over the countryside at great expense. The brokers have to take the horses to a holding facility, usually a farm and have to hold them for 30 days to clear any drugs out of their system. While at these facilities, the broker will still sell privately if there's a profit to be made. So don't think the worst will happen to your horses. Get your life on track then think about having animals.
         
        07-19-2014, 05:54 PM
      #14
    Foal
    Omg...your father is a monster, what he is doing IS NOT NORMAL...is is abusive straight up...listen to what people like 4horses already said on this thread, their advice is what you must take...you have to step outside your comfort zone or you will be trapped forever...and it will only get worse...good luck!!!
    2BigReds likes this.
         
        07-25-2014, 05:15 PM
      #15
    Weanling
    You poor girl... I wish I was closer so I could offer some real help. Most of what people are saying here is pretty much true, so I won't repeat it. If everything that you're saying is true (and I feel like it might even be censored... ) your father is a sick man and he's darn lucky if I never get my hands on him. I cannot stand abusive people, physically or emotionally, and having been in one-too-many of those relationships I will absolutely not let it happen again. My only hope is to be able to offer some support for those who need it. If you ever want to talk to someone privately, please feel free to PM me. Hang in there, it's going to be a rough road.
    Sevastion27 and nicoles like this.
         
        08-06-2014, 07:29 PM
      #16
    Weanling
    Call CPS asap....and get out. There are many people willing to help, and keeping you in another house...really. Your first thing to worry about is YOURSELF>
         
        08-06-2014, 08:06 PM
      #17
    Trained
    Living in a trash filled house/trailer is illegal, call child protective services.
         
        08-07-2014, 09:44 AM
      #18
    Showing
    It is unfortunate that people who degrade others seem to get this idea in their head that they are helping the other person by constantly pointing out perceived short-comings. Try to keep this in mind "tis a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. Memorize this and any time he starts, run it thro your mind. See him for what he truly is, the idiot who's words have no value.
    Sevastion27 likes this.
         
        09-03-2014, 12:48 PM
      #19
    Foal
    If you need help with college, Starbucks' new program will pay for your tuition through ASU (online I believe) if you work at least 20hrs a week for them. Why not try that. You then would have a job and it would take care of your college issue maybe? I would look into that for yourself...

    Sad as it is, you need to rehome your animals and just focus on YOU.
         
        09-08-2014, 07:41 AM
      #20
    Foal
    I would not tolerate it period... forget memorising good things to say in your mind while someone abuses you...it is ABUSE...one should not have to come up with methods for coping with abuse...they MUST leave an abusive situation or it will not improve and the damage will continue... The OP needs to follow through on reply #11.
         

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