The horses need to be re-homed first of all. Especially if you think your father will get revenge on you by selling them to slaughter. If you contact law enforcement or anyone, they won't help the animals unless they are starving/neglected.
I would start riding every day and get them going really nicely. Since you have internet access, you can start advertising them for sale.
Look for no-kill rescues for the rest of your pets. Get them placed. Where I live there are many many no-kill rescues that will take surrendered pets.
I realize how heartbreaking it will be to give up your furry friends... But this is something you need to do.
Once your pets are out of danger, you need to go to law enforcement or child protective services. Be sure to mention that your father won't let you fill out a Fasfa.
There is also early emancipation: A Teenager's Guide to Emancipation | CTLawHelp.org â€“ Connecticut Legal Information
- If you need some relief from family problems, you might be able to stay with a friend or in a youth shelter for awhile. Most youth shelters will need your parent's permission to let you stay overnight. Or, you may want to talk to a trusted counselor or teacher.
- If your parents made you leave home or they will not let you return, or if it would be dangerous for you to return, you may be eligible for financial help even if you are not emancipated.
Since you have internet access, it is within your reach to find help. This is the time to start planning how you are going to leave...
I ended up homeless during high school because my house was destroyed by a tornado. I ended up living at different friend's houses for over 6 months! A friend with horses had me muck stalls for her, and I got to stay in her spare bedroom. At the same time, I was applying for every scholarship I could, and working on college applications!
There are many barns who will hire someone to muck stalls in exchange for free rent/living expenses. It may involve cleaning, pulling weeds, fixing fences and mucking, etc.
You should also talk to your friend's families once the animals are placed, in case you need a temporary place to stay. Even just for a few nights.
It is entirely possible for you to get out of the environment you are in. It will just take a lot of work and determination on your part.
You biggest enemy will be yourself. If you feel depressed, it will prevent you from doing what you need to do to get out.
Get the animals placed, talk to your friend's parents, and see if your friend's parents will drive you to the police department or help you set up meetings with social services.
You will need to put your concern for your mother aside. It is not your job to protect her!
It is very easy to end up trapped in that sort of relationship. I had an abusive ex-bf. He was so sweet and kind at first, charming to everyone, but he had a hidden side that didn't show itself for over a year! Then the abusive behavior started. He would threaten to kill himself if I tried to leave. If he ever got angry about something in the car, he would drive dangerously (at high speeds etc). I must have been insane to stay with someone like that! Abuser's are very manipulative and capable of being extremely charming towards everyone else (like the police). He could talk himself out of tickets...
I tried to warn his next girlfriend, but at that point he was back to pretending to be charming and nice. She has been with him for several years now, and I'm certain he is using the same controlling behavior towards her.
My point here, is that it is the psychological control that will prevent you from getting out of the situation. You cannot leave because he will hurt your horses, your pets, or your mother... You are too stupid to leave, you are too depressed, you don't know how to survive on your own, you don't have money, you don't have a place to live etc.
I'm sure you've heard of learned helplessness (as regards to horse training). The same applies here. You are being taught that you don't have the resources you need to get out. He is denying you access to those resources (such as financial aid).
It takes a very strong person to break out of a situation like that. It is entirely possible with the right support.
Another thing to consider (and I strongly advise this)... Is to look for mental health counseling. You are in an extremely stressful situation, in a bad environment... You will not be walking away without some mental "scars" that need healing. Colleges often offer free mental health services, along with group therapy, medication or anything else you need. Child services may know of some programs as well.
Counseling is not just for the mentally ill. It is for anyone who is struggling with unresolved issues whether they be abuse related or depression/anxiety.
Only a strong person can get out of the environment you are describing.
I had a friend in High school who also grew up in an abusive environment. She is completing nursing school, is happily married, and has children.
As a young child, I had another friend who's parents were drug addicts. They never had enough food in the house, no running water, no shoes and would run down the street barefoot. The kids would go to my house to shower using the hose! She ended up in foster care, and is now working as a vet technician.