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I've run out of ideas.

This is a discussion on I've run out of ideas. within the Parenting forums, part of the Life Beyond Horses category

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        10-03-2012, 12:07 AM
      #51
    Trained
    I paniced a little after reading that. I truly thought I typed not but I have a brace on my right arm from the wrist to past the elbow. Forgive me.
    Glad everyone understood. And got a giggle out of it. At my expense may I add. LOL Shalom
         
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        10-03-2012, 12:16 AM
      #52
    Green Broke
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by busysmurf    
    ??? Not sure to what you're referring to.
    Posted via Mobile Device
    It just seems that rather than being able to talk about what works for them, most parents have to make their opinion right by making all other methods wrong, ridiculous, etc (then again, I guess the same could be said about training philosophies and horses, lol)
    It just seems that instead of saying, "I spanked and it worked for me" it has to be "Anything other than spanking is just psychobabble crap that doesn't teach your kid a darn thing" or instead of "I choose not to use physical discipline, I have successfully done x, y or z" it has to be "What YOU are doing is ABUSE and you should be ashamed of yourself - *I* can get my child to behave without having to BEAT them"
    Maybe I'm just burned out on the whole right/wrong mommy/parenting war thing, I don't know.
    texasgal likes this.
         
        10-03-2012, 12:26 AM
      #53
    Trained
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by dbarabians    
    I paniced a little after reading that. I truly thought I typed not but I have a brace on my right arm from the wrist to past the elbow. Forgive me.
    Glad everyone understood. And got a giggle out of it. At my expense may I add. LOL Shalom
    I thought you were being sarcastic, made me LOL!
         
        10-03-2012, 12:42 AM
      #54
    Super Moderator
    Busysmurf,

    My kids are so different you'd think I adopted one. I have two "only" children. The thing with the "look" or the word or the time out or whatever, is that your child has to buy into the paradigm that parents are in control, that some things are worth working for and some are worth avoiding. My first son just did not buy into the paradigm that he was not in control of his own life, as a 4 year old. Most children grow up understanding that adults have authority, and because they acknowledge this, the "system" works. My son did not follow that at all. He was way more interested in pushing back, on nearly everything. It was how he identidified himself.

    Anyway, I sound like I am whining, so I need to put a quarter in the jar. Waht I meant to say is that there are kids who are just a lot harder than others. My younger son bought into the rules, and he plays by the same set and is textbook in how one can parent him. The first child was totally outside of the expected. Sometimes they are.
    FlyGap likes this.
         
        10-03-2012, 08:27 AM
      #55
    Started
    The one thing that will work for every parenting style imo, is consistency. I am not my children's friend (while I am now but they are older) I am their parent. They have lots of friends but only one set of parents so I need to do that job to the best of my ability.

    If you spank, use time out, take things away... it needs to be done the same. Not one time can you let it slide. At my house I don't repeat warnings and I have never made idol threats. My children knew what they could and could not do at a very young age.

    Stay consistent in what you do and you will see great results. Just as there are rewards for great behavior there are punishments for bad. Good luck with your son.
    texasgal and Chiilaa like this.
         
        10-03-2012, 09:28 AM
      #56
    Foal
    What you have descried sounds a lot like my son. My wife and I started to notice problems with him when he was in the second grade. There were no major problems before that because he pretty much got whatever he wanted, and it took the school work to elevate his frustration level for it to become noticeable to the point where we needed to do something. Long story short, he is on the high end of autism. Not Asperger’s, we’re told, but shows many of the same symptoms. We had the school evaluate him and adjusted his school work. We took him for counseling for his anger and inappropriate behavior/ frustration, and have had him in a horse riding for autistic children (this is why we own horses now, but another story). He is 11 now and has turned into a great young man. He is off the chart smart when it comes to his school work. We no longer worry about him at school and with other children. I think he can talk to horses too, he can get them to do anything.

    We struggled a long time before he was diagnosed. I too, struck out thinking he just need more discipline. I offered a spanking and timeout one day for something he would not do, he said OK, spank me and I’ll go to T/O and started crying. I think the light finally lit at that point. I was raised by a strong hand and that is how I raised my daughter and she has turned out (in my eyes) perfect. However this approach would not have worked with my son. Had I not change my way of thinking when I did, I know my and his life, would be hell now.

    I would have your son evaluated. Read “The best kind of different”, By Shonda Schillings.
    tinyliny likes this.
         

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