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Need some support

This is a discussion on Need some support within the Parenting forums, part of the Life Beyond Horses category

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        07-13-2014, 08:31 PM
      #11
    Trained
    Thanks, Foxtail.

    It's especially hard when everyone judges me without hearing the whole story. My boyfriend's family thought ill of me for the longest time because I hardly ever see my son. One of his brothers (ironically, the one who has offered to help me) even went so far as to call me a horrible mother for giving up custody of my son. Even my own family doesn't understand.

    When I lived 15-20 miles from my ex, I was so broke/poor that I would save the money that would have gone to feeding me all week, just so that I could feed my son and do something special with him on the weekend when I had him. I took him to the zoo or to the desert museum or to a movie. But I wouldn't eat all week, just so that I could do that for him. I'd also take him to the $.99 store every weekend and let him buy a toy. That was the best I could do.

    When my son was here last summer, my boyfriend called my parents and asked if he could pick up my son and take him with him to do the vending machine route that he runs for his mom. My parents said sure. My son had the most fun that day. My boyfriend took him to several different accounts, including the police station, and even had my son stock the police station's snack machine all by himself after showing him how to do it. After they were done, my boyfriend took him to get ice cream. All I heard about for the next two days was how awesome my boyfriend was and how much my son loved him.
         
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        07-13-2014, 10:26 PM
      #12
    Yearling
    Drafty, only you need to know and you know it was the right thing to do. Your son is lucky to have a mom like you who thinks of him first.
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        07-14-2014, 11:08 AM
      #13
    Foal
    I'm pretty much a newbie to HF however, unfortunately I've either delt with or had to support my hubby through much of the same crap you are going through. First and I may have missed it, but what does your divorce decree/parenting plan say about visitation? Are you awarded certaind days and times for visitation? And your ex has denied you these times? Are you able to afford an attorney to handle this for you? What are you being sued for exactly? Contempt for unpaid child support or an increase in child support? My heart goes out to you!! Don't beat yourself up. I was at a point in my life in the same position as you are now. Sometimes life deals us a raw hand. You were not/are not a bad mother...you did what you thought was best for your son.
         
        07-14-2014, 07:11 PM
      #14
    Trained
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by gatorsgirl27    
    I'm pretty much a newbie to HF however, unfortunately I've either delt with or had to support my hubby through much of the same crap you are going through. First and I may have missed it, but what does your divorce decree/parenting plan say about visitation? Are you awarded certaind days and times for visitation? And your ex has denied you these times? Are you able to afford an attorney to handle this for you? What are you being sued for exactly? Contempt for unpaid child support or an increase in child support? My heart goes out to you!! Don't beat yourself up. I was at a point in my life in the same position as you are now. Sometimes life deals us a raw hand. You were not/are not a bad mother...you did what you thought was best for your son.
    Our divorce decree states that I am allowed "reasonable parenting time." That's it.

    I can't afford a lawyer.

    I'm being sued for the unpaid child support (amounting to $19,800).

    In our divorce decree, it states that I am ordered by ___________ to pay $300 per month in child support. Notice the blank? Yeah, it's blank in the divorce decree, too.
         
        07-15-2014, 11:11 AM
      #15
    Foal
    Love the completely vague divorce decrees. My husband's was like that as well. Makes exercising visitation a nightmare, especially with an unreasonable ex. Try to get it better specified. That way when you show up on your assigned days and your ex refuses to let you have your son, you will be on much better footing when fighting for your rights. What will most likely happen when you go to court is that you will have arrears (the $19,800). You will be ordered to start paying child support and a portion of those arrears will be added to your monthly obligation. Figure out what you should be paying with the income you make. If it is less than $300, request a modification. Like I said before, I have either been through this personally or dealt with it with my husband and his ex (she constantly had him in and out of court) and the one thing I can tell you is that it really is easier letting an attorney handle it for you. If there is any way at all, I really recommend trying to find a way to retain one...especially if your ex has one. It makes an already stressful situation just a tad less. Feel free to ask me any questions you have, I'll try to answer. :)
         
        07-15-2014, 11:51 AM
      #16
    Weanling
    Oh, Drafty. I am sorry you are having to go through all of this.

    I don't think many people need the whole back story in order to know you're a good mother. The only thing I needed to hear was that you'd given custody to your ex because you were unable to provide the life for your son that he deserved. YOU ARE a good mother. It takes a GOOD person to do what's best for someone else, and put their own feelings aside.

    If you can afford $500 a month, you can afford to have your son more often. Go get 'em!!

    Let me just reiterate something I said above. YOU ARE a good person. YOU are a good person. You are a GOOD person. You are a good PERSON.

    If you need anything, I am here. This friendship goes both ways.
         
        07-17-2014, 07:24 PM
      #17
    Trained
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by gatorsgirl27    
    Love the completely vague divorce decrees. My husband's was like that as well. Makes exercising visitation a nightmare, especially with an unreasonable ex. Try to get it better specified. That way when you show up on your assigned days and your ex refuses to let you have your son, you will be on much better footing when fighting for your rights. What will most likely happen when you go to court is that you will have arrears (the $19,800). You will be ordered to start paying child support and a portion of those arrears will be added to your monthly obligation. Figure out what you should be paying with the income you make. If it is less than $300, request a modification. Like I said before, I have either been through this personally or dealt with it with my husband and his ex (she constantly had him in and out of court) and the one thing I can tell you is that it really is easier letting an attorney handle it for you. If there is any way at all, I really recommend trying to find a way to retain one...especially if your ex has one. It makes an already stressful situation just a tad less. Feel free to ask me any questions you have, I'll try to answer. :)
    It's all going to ride on how much my ex makes. As it stands right now, with him making what he did when we got married eleven years ago (he still works for the same company and has for the past 24 years, so he's gotten plenty of raises since then) and me making what I do now, the amount of child support I have to pay per the child support calculator is actually zero, even factoring in the fact that my ex pays his medical/dental/vision and everything. He has no child care costs, aside from minimal school supplies and food (his family babysits for free and his mom buys all my son's clothes and I'm sure she provides him with his school supplies, too). That's even with my ex having my son the majority of the time.

    The one thing that I am going to request that the courts dictate is visitation. Letting me see my son less than 30 days per year is absolutely ridiculous, regardless of the fact that I live 250 miles away. I'm going to see about joint custody, as well. I'm done letting my ex have all the say in my son's life, especially when he doesn't let him do anything he wants to do.
         
        07-17-2014, 09:25 PM
      #18
    Trained
    Too late to edit my last post.

    I didn't enter the info on the site right. As things stand now, using my ex's last known income, I would be paying $240/month.

    And of course my sister is completely raining on my little parade. I know she thinks she's being helpful, but no.
         
        07-17-2014, 11:18 PM
      #19
    Trained
    Again, too late to edit.

    Just talked to my friend who just went through a divorce. Her ex pays her $270/ month for their two kids and he makes literally nine times what she does (she makes about $1000/month and he makes $9000/month).

    She's going to send me the number of the family law attorney that helped her with her divorce. She said that he was amazing and he takes payments.
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        07-17-2014, 11:24 PM
      #20
    Super Moderator
    That is a pittance. To think that he pays 270$ a month?!!! For two kids????

    Does he want he kids not to partake in the good life that he is? I dunno, around here, 135/person a month is barely anything. It cannot begin to feed, cloth, shelter and insure one child. Not even half of the cost of one.

    Sorry, I just think that is so outrageously chintzy, for someone with that kind of income.

    I meant, Drafty, all this in reference to the income you stated as 9K/month, not in refernce to YOUR income.
         

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