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Need some support

This is a discussion on Need some support within the Parenting forums, part of the Life Beyond Horses category

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        07-18-2014, 12:35 AM
      #21
    Showing
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by tinyliny    
    that is a pittance. To think that he pays 270$ a month?!!! For two kids????

    Does he want he kids not to partake in the good life that he is? I dunno, around here, 135/person a month is barely anything. It cannot begin to feed, cloth, shelter and insure one child. Not even half of the cost of one.

    Sorry, I just think that is so outrageously chintzy, for someone with that kind of income.

    I meant, Drafty, all this in reference to the income you stated as 9K/month, not in refernce to YOUR income.
    That's my friend's ex. My ex makes between $3400-4400/month (I'm not sure exactly, all I know is what he made 11 years ago when we got married...assuming a "standard" $0.50 per hour raise every year, that would mean he makes at least $5.00 per hour than he did when we got married).

    I'm definitely going to be contacting my friend's lawyer. I don't want to take my son away from my ex (I'm not that cold-hearted), but I definitely think that less than 30 days per year of seeing my son is ridiculous.
         
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        07-18-2014, 05:28 PM
      #22
    Yearling
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by DraftyAiresMum    
    Our divorce decree states that I am allowed "reasonable parenting time." That's it.
    there is your in
    Argue that the "reasonable parenting time" clause has not been met.

    There were a few other things

    1. Don't give up trying to get in touch --- my parents divorced when I was 4-5 and I did not head again from my mom until I was 19 .. I am still resentful

    2. Brother or not, a sex offender is a sex offender, not a person for a child to hang out with -- your father should get slapped in the back of his head for that -- if I was your ex, I would be mad as hell too

    3. I imagine you are in your 30's ... you might be better able to demonstrate to the courts your ability to take care of a child if you and your boyfriend had your own house --- going back to school is an excellent first step

    I hope everythign works out for your son and ultimately he ends up in the best position possible. It just sounds like a bad situation over all.
         
        07-28-2014, 05:31 PM
      #23
    Green Broke
    I was divorced young.....had two kids....and paid child support for 16 years.

    There were times I didn't have the money....but did without in order to pay.

    I've thought about the child support issue for years. There's no good way to do it. Some one is always going to think they got a raw deal.

    Here in Tennessee, I believe, a percentage is taken of the non-custodial parents income. This may have changed, but 1 child was 21%, two children 33%, and three was 50% of income.

    My brother lived with a gal who let custody go to an ex spouse and it caused her a lot of mental issues. Please, go talk to someone, make a plan to become more involved with your child. What ever you do, don't let this drag you down.

    My suggestion if you want custody is pay child support and show the court you do support the children, you can support the children and you will support the children. This will make the judges decision more favorable to you.
    Skipsfirstspike and Blue like this.
         
        08-02-2014, 12:04 AM
      #24
    Showing
    Drafty, you shouldn't be asking your son what he and his father do or don't do. You're concern should only be about what you and your son will do during his time with you. Kids of split families quickly learn to play both ends against each other and can get very good at it.
    gunslinger likes this.
         
        08-02-2014, 07:37 AM
      #25
    Green Broke
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Saddlebag    
    Drafty, you shouldn't be asking your son what he and his father do or don't do. You're concern should only be about what you and your son will do during his time with you. Kids of split families quickly learn to play both ends against each other and can get very good at it.
    And they have just as many shifts as the Dallas Cowboys defensive line when it comes to playing both ends against the middle.

    Saddlebag pegged this one and I couldn't agree more.
         
        08-02-2014, 11:10 AM
      #26
    Showing
    In Canada, instead of wasting a judge's time, couples have to see a court appointed mediator. Time spent with children has nothing to do with support payments and more to do with co-parenting. The judge makes his decision of financial support based on financial status and expenses. Payments on a big boat or supporting a horse don't cut it. In Ontario, court awarded payments must be sent to the Attorney General's office who in turn direct deposits it in the recipient's bank account. The AG's office will go to great lengths to find the deadbeat (a term often used for non payer) and has the power to confiscate tax returns, driver's licence and even jail. Should a person's financial status take a bad turn there's the option of review. A court appointed neutral person can be appointed who takes the children when going from one parent to the other if the parents are unable to get along during this time.
         
        08-02-2014, 02:57 PM
      #27
    Showing
    I never bad mouth my ex in front of my son. EVER. I don't want it to sound like that. The only times I've asked him about anything his dad does, it's been a simple curious it's question and never to wring information from him.

    I couldn't care less how my ex lives his life. I do care that my son spends less time with his dad and more time with his grandparents than anything else. And that is not something I've ever asked him. That information has been deduced by years of having to drop my son off at his grandparents' house, my ex either not answering his phone or my son not being home (and at his grandparents' house) any time he does answer the phone. In five years, I have talked to my son once on the phone and that was only because my ex had called me because he couldn't get a hold of my parents and when my son heard that I was on the phone, he demanded to talk to me (this was almost four years ago).

    In Arizona, child support is based on three things: income of both parents, parenting time (more specifically, time spent with each parent), and any monies paid toward the upkeep of the child (health insurance, school supplies, etc). Finances (aside from income) do not factor into it.
    Posted via Mobile Device
         
        08-04-2014, 12:13 PM
      #28
    Green Broke
    I sure hope this works itself out soon for you. Every cloud has a silver lining......and hopefully, once this storm passes you and your kid will both be in a better situation.

    Have patience and try not to worry to much. While I know you can't be happy about all this the child seems to be loved by many others and taken care of.....

    The courts see this all the time so listen to the judge and he'll help you find away to work yourself back into your child's life.

    Keep your chin up.....and know there's two sides to every coin.....flip it often enough and eventually it'll land on heads. Patience....my dear..patience.
         
        08-04-2014, 02:26 PM
      #29
    Showing
    Thank you, gunslinger. I'm just kind of numb about it at this point. I'm more worried about actually getting down there and back for the appearance than anything. My car, while it would make it, is old and would not be safe on the freeway (it's an '86 Ford Escort GT). My boyfriend's truck, while a nice ride, is a big Dodge diesel, so will probably end up costing me $100-150 in fuel. The only reason I'm not worried about the hotel is because I work for a national hotel chain and got my hotel room on the cheap, but it's not a very well-rated hotel and it's kind of in a rough part of town.

    I also don't want to see or speak to my ex-husband. Just something I don't want to deal with, especially in front of a courtroom full of people.
    Posted via Mobile Device
         
        08-04-2014, 03:14 PM
      #30
    Green Broke
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by DraftyAiresMum    
    Thank you, gunslinger. I'm just kind of numb about it at this point. I'm more worried about actually getting down there and back for the appearance than anything. My car, while it would make it, is old and would not be safe on the freeway (it's an '86 Ford Escort GT). My boyfriend's truck, while a nice ride, is a big Dodge diesel, so will probably end up costing me $100-150 in fuel. The only reason I'm not worried about the hotel is because I work for a national hotel chain and got my hotel room on the cheap, but it's not a very well-rated hotel and it's kind of in a rough part of town.

    I also don't want to see or speak to my ex-husband. Just something I don't want to deal with, especially in front of a courtroom full of people.
    Posted via Mobile Device
    Do you have an attorney? I don't think I'd go into this without one and you'd be at a huge disadvantage should you appear unrepresented.

    As I've mentioned earlier, I was divorced young and in those days men seldom got custody so I kind of understand how the situation must look to you.

    As I'm not an attorney and not qualified to give any legal advice except to hire one I have appeared in court once or twice and can share some of the things I've learned.

    Dress nice, not elaborate but well enough to uphold the dignity of the court. No blue jeans, tea shirts or tennis shoes. You are somebody so show them.

    Yes sir, yes ma'am. Be polite. Don't interject and wait for your turn to speak. Be courteous.

    Make no excuses but explain the circumstances. Obviously you have some regrets and I don't think it hurts to humble ones self over any regrets we might have.

    You also have some things you'd like the court to grant you. State those things you'd like.

    Keep your dignity intact. You can't undo what's already been done but you can work to change things. Things might come out that hurt your feelings but don't be snarky.

    No matter how it comes out it's not the end of the world and there's another day tomorrow.

    I think one of the things you really need to do is speak to the boys dad. You don't have to kiss his butt, but be civil and try to find something you like about him......even if it's his shoes.

    You two have a common interest, that being the child. Try to move on from an adversarial relationship and bolster your position by being nice and keeping things civil. I think this is the one thing that could help you the most.

    You're probably going to have to pay something. I suspect the judge might ask you what you can afford to pay.

    In closing, I've been through this myself. I walked around bitter and mad at the world for about 3 years or so I guess. I found peace with it all when I realized there was only so much I could do about it and none of it was in my control.

    Frankly, this was one of the saddest, darkest chapters in my life. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to learn to live with. It got better over time and now seems like a distant memory. No hearts ever broken that can't be mended. Love yourself. Be humble, be patient, and be kind.

    Above all, remember, no matter what happens, this isn't the last play in the game.
         

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