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Need some support

This is a discussion on Need some support within the Parenting forums, part of the Life Beyond Horses category

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        08-04-2014, 02:27 PM
      #31
    Trained
    I don't have a lawyer. I have a friend who recommended one who is supposed to be amazing. I just wasn't sure if this warranted a lawyer. I highly doubt my ex has one. He filed all the paperwork with the courts himself. And this hearing is just an evidentiary hearing. My brother, who has quite a bit of experience with courts, said that there probably won't be much said or done in this hearing. The judge will probably just give me a list of documents to provide to the court within a certain amount of time, then set another date in 30-60 days to go over all the documents and make a judgement.

    I don't hate my ex. I don't want it to come off like that. He just seriously annoys me. He's always acting all high and mighty, and like his s*** don't stink. I try my hardest to be civil to him, especially when my son is around.
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        08-04-2014, 04:20 PM
      #32
    Green Broke
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by DraftyAiresMum    
    I don't have a lawyer. I have a friend who recommended one who is supposed to be amazing. I just wasn't sure if this warranted a lawyer. I highly doubt my ex has one. He filed all the paperwork with the courts himself. And this hearing is just an evidentiary hearing. My brother, who has quite a bit of experience with courts, said that there probably won't be much said or done in this hearing. The judge will probably just give me a list of documents to provide to the court within a certain amount of time, then set another date in 30-60 days to go over all the documents and make a judgement.

    I don't hate my ex. I don't want it to come off like that. He just seriously annoys me. He's always acting all high and mighty, and like his s*** don't stink. I try my hardest to be civil to him, especially when my son is around.
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    You might want to call the attorney and see if there's a charge for a consultation. The better prepared you are the better....and maybe he can help you decide when he needs to be involved.

    As far as your ex goes......well, trust me, I understand.....my youngest daughter is 36 now so there's been a lot of water under the bridge so to speak and honestly it's never really over. The best you can hope for is to make peace with it all. Every Christmas you'll likely have to deal with the ex...every birthday....graduation day.....band trip....etc.....to this very day she still shows up around Thanksgiving and that's okay....the girls are happy, the grand kids are happy.....so I'm happy.

    It's key to your future happiness to find common ground here. There's a lot of times I would have loved to said something...and early on I did....but at the end of the day, the better you two can get along the easier this whole situation will become. No, you don't have to like it....but you do have to deal with it....

    The kid loves you and he loves his dad.....you love your boy and so does his dad. Are we good with that? Is that a fair statement?

    The term house divided was coined from this situation. When you have time look at how King Soloman solved it.....

    After butting my head against the wall for years I can tell you there's two ways to do this.....the easy way or the hard way.....I tried it both ways....hopefully you're smarter than I am.....

    The way I see it, is you gave up custody of him as you decided, with much love, and at great personal sacrifice.. that he'd be better off, at least for awhile, until you could land on your feet. Yea...I'm sure that hurts...probably will for the rest of your life......but you did what you did because you loved and cared for your son.

    I didn't have any choice in the matter and was pretty much told I could spend a lot of money but I'd never get custody unless I could prove my ex an unfit mother. As much as I hated it then, she wasn't. Looking back on it all, I'm glad she wasn't. You aren't either, but now, your ex has custody and like it or not holds almost all the good cards.

    From my point of view, you're going into court with a stacked deck. Like the Kenny Rogers song says, know when to hold'em....know when to fold them......every hands a winner, and every hand a loser...yada....yada....yada....

    Be prepared to fold and hope the next deal brings better cards....

    There's no way to win out right so just play to improve your situation. Every little win is a moral victory.....and every loss a chance for another hand of cards.

    An old poke player also taught me another one of lifes valuable lessons.......Success isn't playing a good hand well, but rather, is learning to play a poor hand well.

    So, come away with what you can, call it a small moral victory, do what the court orders, and then go back and try to get a little more.

    When you wake up in the morning and drag your comb through your hair.....look in the mirror and know you've done the best you could do given the cards you were dealt and love the person you see staring back at you.....never forgetting the person you see is a good person.....and hoping the person you see tomorrow is a better person......

    Dang you've drug up a lot of old memories.......It still smites a bit even after all these years....but it quit bleeding along long time ago.....there's no longer a scab....but there's still a scar....and over the years.....it's faded to the point of not really noticing it anymore.
    KAB and Foxtail Ranch like this.
         
        08-04-2014, 04:32 PM
      #33
    Trained
    The "problem" isn't the way I feel about my ex. I'm great at being nice to people I don't like. Comes with working customer service. It's the way he feels about me. He literally hates me. He swears that I cheated on him (I didn't) and even seven years later, he won't let it go.

    I think I'll talk to the lawyer after this hearing, since I won't have time before we leave (have to drive five hours to get to the city where the hearing is).

    It's weird. On one hand, I'm not worried about the money. I'll figure out a way to pay it. On the other hand, I'm worried about what my ex is going to demand. My sister thinks that he wants me to sign over my parental rights. I'm not sure about that. Signing away my parental rights won't do anything except take away my rights to see my son. I still would have to pay child support.

    I've said it before and I'll say it again. I'm not disputing the fact that I should be paying child support. My problem is with the amount I have to pay and with the fact that I never get to see my son.

    When we were deciding who got what in the divorce, my ex said to me "If you take my boy from me, I will make your life a living hell."
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        08-06-2014, 06:31 PM
      #34
    Weanling
    Legal services in every state provides information/help pro bono. Go and renegotiate everything.
         

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