I really appreciate that. I wish I could tell you that my last few sentences in that post were always how I act, but sometimes, I come off very childish, even at age 20. I don't know if you've ever read my thread about feeling poorly about myself or something like that in the General Discussion sub-forum, but it explains why I am still living at home and doing some of the things I do. Anyway, what I was going to say is that I spend a lot of time in my room with the door closed to avoid the chaos.
Also, I do fight with my brother, but it really does not make a difference except for the fact that I let off some steam by hashing it out. I feel like I'm giving up whenever I do it, but just getting away from him when he's being a royal pain is best. I have such a hard time believing that someone can care so little about other people and their feelings. And I really get steamed when my brother is disrespectful to my mom, who gives him everything. And he has no respect for her. Just writing this post makes me tense up thinking about it!
I have talked to my mom, and OP, maybe this is something you can do, about what I see in her handling of my brother. I know it is not my place, but I'm hoping if I mention it enough she will see that she needs to change her ways. She does listen to what I say and does not take offense. I know what she needs to do, but I can't make her do it. And my dad...well, he's not the type to take advice. But that's a different story for a different time.
OP, I also want you to know that the people that support me most are not family members (minus my mom and dad and half-sister) but people from church, from my job, and my friends. Morally. I know yours is also a matter of money, and while these pillars of support don't provide money, they may provide connections to people that may be willing to teach you to ride for free, to pick you up for lessons, or to exchange lessons for barn work. Someone WILL notice all of your accomplishments. And I know better than most that it is SO HARD to be the "good kid" and have all of your accomplishments go by the wayside. You get an A for English, they expect it. Your brother gets an A for English, they take him out to celebrate.
I know I started accepting the way my parents parented more when I found other support outlets. Do you go to church? Do you do things in the community? These are all places to meet those special people. At a job, too. Because of my church family and my work family, I've become more confident, happy, and realized my potential. They think the moon and the stars of me, and it's so difficult for me to understand why. But to have that support feels AMAZING.
I'm closer, at work, to all of the managers and older people working there than people closer to my own age. They think I'm pretty cool too. This is where I learned who I really am. Your first job will teach you so much. Obviously, I haven't left mine yet - I never wanted to leave my work family. They are a whole bunch of fun and really know who I am and I can talk to them.
And of course, I don't know where I'd be without my friends. My best friends are amazing people. They are the people that will always be there for me and offer the best support.
OP, just delve into your world and meet people. You will find people that will become another family to you. Surround yourself with positive people. And be yourself. If it's like my situation, your parents will never change. You need to accept this (and this takes a while!) and move on - not deserting them, but finding other people who can fill the needs that your parents don't.
And the other thing. Grow in yourself. Spend time with yourself - you'll figure out a lot of things that way. You'll realize a lot of things, too. I have learned more these past six months about life than I ever have before, just by thinking.
If you do even half of this stuff, your work will pay off, and you will be on a great track. Focus on improving yourself, since you cannot improve your parents or your brother. Improve for you.
Another long post by me. Hope you find what you're looking for in it, though.