Only child parenting... - Page 2 - The Horse Forum
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post #11 of 36 Old 11-14-2012, 01:16 PM
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I am an only child and turned out just fine!
I'm 24, I graduated on time and now have a pretty good job with the University, a month ago yesterday I got married and we are waiting for a long long time yet to have kids.

I won't even BEGIN to tell the drama of my multi sibling cousins.

You can do it! Sounds like you are off to a great start and I am sure she will be a great kid that you will continue to be proud of.
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post #12 of 36 Old 11-14-2012, 08:57 PM
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My children were raised as only children really. I was told I couldn't have any more children after I had my son. I had lost two babies before him and had three bouts of cervical cancer after him. Didn't have much cervix left... anyway
15 years later I had my daughter, after being told I would never carry another child IF I ever did get pg. My son had moved to his dad's at 13 and was an only child there too and so both my children have been raised as only children.

My children are very respectful, very caring children. Much more mature than other children their ages seemed to be.

I loved having one child at a time to dote all my attention on. My daughter is now 16 and my son is 31. Even though they have never lived together, they are very close and both think they are my favorite :)
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post #13 of 36 Old 11-15-2012, 10:50 PM
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Wow, scary similar Fly and MHF! Mine was also a miracle baby and even as a preemie was 22 inches.
Very complicated pregnancy added to pre-term labor at 25 weeks and confined to bed. Didn’t even have a chance to buy any supplies or goodies before the doctor said I wasn’t even allowed to get up except to pee.

I too worry about the only child thing. Thankfully so far he is a mamma’s boy and unfailingly polite. I try so hard to help him be as well rounded as I can, but after a he11ish childhood of my own, I was glad when the doctor said… how you were able to even get pregnant the first time is beyond me, but whatever you do… DON‘T do it again!

Adoption is something I really did wanted to do once he was past the toddler stage, but my son has heath issues that keep me super busy and between him and trying to keep afloat I seriously doubt I could come up with enough left of me for another child, so I have given up on the hope.
Tis fine though, I like being able devote all my mommyness to him.

HorseMom- I parent like you do. While I can be the momma bear big time, I try to ascertain what actually happens and who the correct person is to replace the backside on. And if it is my own child I do so accordingly.
(Actually all I really have to do is use the “look”… works every time!)
He is spoiled with love, but not rotten at all.

I must admit though…..growing up on a farm as an only child makes for some interesting friends!
( And great photos to show to his perspective fiancé years from now.)
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post #14 of 36 Old 11-15-2012, 11:45 PM
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My son is 18 months old and we're seriously considering him being an only child. Right now, he's ridiculously spoiled and I firmly believe babies should be. There's plenty of time in life for rules.

I think it would be irresponsible of us to have another child when we probably can't afford to, just so our son isn't an only child.
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post #15 of 36 Old 11-15-2012, 11:55 PM
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My son is 7, and he's an only child because I had bad Post Natal Depression that went undiagnosed and therefore untreated for 4 years. I make a lot of effort to not spoil him, to mix with other children outside of school and so on.

Yes, I had planned to have 2 or 3, yes I regret that the PND took that choice away from me, but I love love love the fact that my son gets full-on focus and attention from me when he needs it.

There are ups and downs of having only one. My life is a lot more balanced between the three of us (husband, child, me) than if there were more children I think.
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post #16 of 36 Old 11-16-2012, 12:30 AM
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From an "outsider's" perspective (as in, I am neither a parent nor an only child) the one thing I noticed, growing up close friends with a number of single kids, is that the single kids were often socially on-par with the homeschooled kids I know.
As in, they are wonderful, mature, intelligent, people who could easily relate to adults but they had a much harder time relating to people their own age in a normal way (either much too clingy or much too "who needs other people - leave me alone, you're too 'immature' for MY mind"). That's not to say they could never relate easily but most of the singles I know that achieved that were either super extroverted from the beginning or made a conscience decision to learn how to socialize with their peers.

Of course, I was always one of the "odd" ones and also had to make the decision to figure out how to interact with my peers in a way they found less "strange" (I grew up very close with my brother - basically like twins that happened to come out a year apart and our parents have always talked to us like we're grown-ups, even before we could talk so we showed up for kindergarten with huge vocabularies, talking the way adults do, etc - made for an interesting time, haha) but I was able to do it, unlike some of the singles I know.
There's nothing wrong with being different but I've always felt sympathetic to the super introverted kids who grew up without a sibling, spending a lot of time alone from a young age, etc. Maybe it's one of those "don't know what your missing" things but I know as a VERY introverted person who grew up rather socially (my mom knew I was going to be really introverted from the time I was very little so she made an effort to get me out there so I wouldn't end up more inside myself than I was already going to be), it was darn hard for me to assimilate into life. As it is, I'm only now, nearly done with college, coming into my own where all my friends appear to see me as "the cool quirky one"...and of course, that makes no sense to me but annnnyway.

Basically, my bottom line: socialization with a variety of peers!

On the other hand, sometimes I wish I had been an only child! None of this 'brother getting away with stuff because he can' junk!
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Last edited by Wallaby; 11-16-2012 at 12:32 AM.
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post #17 of 36 Old 11-16-2012, 12:48 AM
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You are worried about her being a "monster"? Because she is an only? Really? I hope that was a bad joke. I am an only child. I know many people who are onlies. IME onlies mature quickly and speak more "adult" like due to the fact that they tend to interact with adults more. Onlies are generally great at keeping themselves occupied, and are often independent children, they have to be. As far as her being the only one around when you get older, I always find it odd when people try to predict what their futures will hold in regards to who will be around to help them.

As someone else said, she may have a bunch of kids, a hubby, and live nearby. Or she could be single, no kids and live in africa. Do not make any assumptions about your kids and the future, no matter how many you do or do not have. As a nurse in the home setting, I see elderly folks with a variety of assistance. One might have four kids, but they all live out of state and a neighbor assists them. Another may have two kids that live locally, but fight constantly over their care. To each his own, and you never know how life will turn out.....if you are lucky enough to make it to old age.
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post #18 of 36 Old 11-16-2012, 01:33 AM
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well said. well said. ^
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post #19 of 36 Old 11-16-2012, 01:42 AM
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I think she will be just fine. I have a cousin that is an only child. She is actually my cousin's child. Cousin is 11 years older than me and her daughter is 10 years younger. KiKi was always lumped in with the grandchildren not as a great grandchild. Her grandparents, my aunt and uncle, spoiled her to almost epic proportions.

In spite of that, she has grown up to be the most lovely of persons. She and her hubby are raising 2 boys and KiKi takes care of her hubby's mother AND grandmother that live with them. She is very low key with her children.

Only children do have the advantage of parents that have time for them (not all of course) and that can be a good thing. I have 3 only children...just ask them!!
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post #20 of 36 Old 11-16-2012, 02:22 AM
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As an only child my parents still joke that I'd often barge into a room and ask "who's turn is it to play with me?!" Lol.

I had a lot of time around adults but was also fortunate to have bestfriends with plenty of siblings to adopt me. While I wish I had a sister to confide in, spend time with more etc (OR a brother with cute friends lol) I found bonds that are I'm assuming ate similar in my long time best friends and even my college roommate.

The biggest thing that makes me sad however about being an only child is the fact that my children will have no cousins and I will never be an aunt. I know I could marry into that, but my current long term relationship is with a guy who is also an only child. Talk about small family get togethers later in life...considering my mom is one of five and my dad one of three, there are lots of cousins, aunts, uncles etc and I love it, but that will not be my future for my children and I can't exactly change it.
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ETA: Re-read the OP, we're not all monsters! I would argue my time spent with my parents and the multitude of adult family and family friends taught me to behave from day one. Granted, my parents weren't/aren't wild by any means and they always held me to a rather high standard of behavior in public. They spoiled me in the fact that they strove to provide me with the best opportunities and means they could, but always reminded me to be appreciative. Yes I have a car but I didn't get a brand spanking new one...yes they pay for my college but I work my butt off and thank them through top grades and a small side job. You could argue I "grew up" fast in that I didn't mess around as much as most kids but in the long run I don't feel any worse for the wear in being prepared for the real world.
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Last edited by Zeke; 11-16-2012 at 02:28 AM.
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