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Parents being unfair!

This is a discussion on Parents being unfair! within the Parenting forums, part of the Life Beyond Horses category

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        06-10-2013, 04:35 PM
      #11
    Showing
    While you are technically an adult and capable of making your own decisions about where to go and with whom, I still believe that as long as you are living in their house, you should abide by their rules.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by HarleyWood    
    i pay for my car, phone, horse stuff, anything I want, and everything for my car and phone. I will be paying for college.
    These are all luxury items. When you start buying all your own food, paying your part of the utilities, and paying rent (or just move out and get your own place), then and only then will you be fully independent. Until then, IMHO, you are still under the care of your parents and should respect them and their wishes.

    While it may not seem fair because it's not what you want, they are just being good parents by trying to protect you. If they don't know the boy well, then they have no reason to trust him with their daughter. There are a lot of sicko people out in the world, they just want you to be safe.
         
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        06-10-2013, 05:44 PM
      #12
    Yearling
    Uh, you're an adult. You can buy cigarettes, vote, and make a naughty film if you want to. I think you can make your own decisions. However, there will be a reaction.
    I see both sides to this. Sometimes parents need to step back let their kids grow up, and sometimes kids need to get self sufficient and financially independent in order to break free of their parents.
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        06-10-2013, 05:56 PM
      #13
    Yearling
    I am 29 and I live with my parents due to a recent divorce, custody still pending.

    I follow my parents rules without arguing. That's right...I'm 10 years older than the OP. I pay for my own way, have my own car, get up for work sometimes at 4:30am and make sure my butt is back home before 10:30pm, even on weekends.

    I help keep the house clean and pick up after my daughter and the animals and I help with the groceries. They never baby-sit my daughter. If I need a baby-sitter, I hire one. I make all of my meals separately and my daughter and I eat at a separate time from my parents. At 7pm, my daughter and I must retire to our rooms so that my parents have "quiet time" to themselves. After 6pm, my father owns the tv.

    Am I throwing a major fit because I'm 29 and have a 10:30 curfew? No. It's their house, their rules. I respect the fact that they are ALLOWING me to live there for now. There are many other rules that I must abide by because this is their house, not mine.

    Anyone who is living under someone else's house needs to respect and honor their hosts. When us kids turned 18, we were no longer kids. We were GUESTS in our parents house and needed to act as a good guest should.

    If you don't like something your parents allow or don't allow, move out. Don't take for granted that they are your parents.

    Get your own place. Until then, obide by the rules.

    Paying for your own bills doesn't mean you are entitled while living under someone else's roof.
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        06-10-2013, 07:02 PM
      #14
    Green Broke
    Let me ask this too, have they ever met your boyfriend? Have you? I'm reading boyfriend of ONE month right, and knowing for four years, is that actually knowing or online knowing ? As your parent had I known him in person, spent time with him and knew his ways, I might consider it. If it were an online know, I would tell you that I did not approve and if you were ready to lead such an adult life get an apartment.
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    AlexS, Palomine, vikki92 and 2 others like this.
         
        06-10-2013, 09:18 PM
      #15
    Banned
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by cakemom    
    Let me ask this too, have they ever met your boyfriend? Have you? I'm reading boyfriend of ONE month right, and knowing for four years, is that actually knowing or online knowing ? As your parent had I known him in person, spent time with him and knew his ways, I might consider it. If it were an online know, I would tell you that I did not approve and if you were ready to lead such an adult life get an apartment.
    Posted via Mobile Device

    Good point, but if I had a 19 year old daughter planning a hotel room for the night with a guy, I'd be thinking there'd be a new addition to the family in 9 months. Of course kids will have sex anyway, but no reason to endorse it, I wouldn't.
    Palomine and Roadyy like this.
         
        06-11-2013, 04:40 PM
      #16
    Banned
    I don't understand. If you're 19, you don't need permission to do anything, no matter who's house you live in. But doing this without their consent could damage your family relationship, and if they trust you as much as you say, you will most likely risk losing a lot of that trust. Not to mention that they could kick you out of the house....

    It's probably best to try talking it out before doing anything drastic.
         
        06-11-2013, 05:01 PM
      #17
    Green Broke
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by HarleyWood    
    i pay for my car, phone, horse stuff, anything I want, and everything for my car and phone. I will be paying for college.
    if that was true youd be on your way on your trip and wouldnt need your parents permission OR be posting about it here.
         
        06-11-2013, 05:18 PM
      #18
    Trained
    While I do agree that the house rules apply, I've gotta say that as a parent of a 21yr old who lives with me, what he does when he is away from the house is his business, but the minute it comes into MY house it is MY business. Translate that into -- if a small package arrives in 9 months, or medication bills I will be demanding that my child take FULL responsibility for it. And my kids know I don't fool around with that.

    Move this to the OPs situation - whether you chose to have sex with your boyfriend of a month or not is ultimately your decision and a motel room is not the only place to do this. Are your parents na´ve or, as I think, just trying to impress upon you the potential for long term consequences?

    You could offer to pay for another motel room for yourself. Or get joining rooms. Or a room with two beds. Options -- always leave options open!

    Without knowing your boyfriend and just generalizing - you can bet that sex will be on the ask-list. He'll pull every card because he'll be soooo sad without out and it will give him something to remember you by. (pile of BS, if you ask me.) But if you go, you'd better be prepared with your answer and be firm with your choices, including protection if that's in the cards. And think about it -- if he's going to be gone, and you can both wait all those months in between, well, you can both wait now too. Not saying you have to, or should... just another perspective.

    Do your parents have the right to say "don't go?" Yes. Should they? Well, not in my opinion if you are a responsible, capable adult.
         
        06-16-2013, 01:00 PM
      #19
    Trained
    I get the fact that it is your parents house.
    I also want to stress though that you are 19 and IMO it is time for them to begin to trust your judgement.
    Especially since you are about to attend college.
    What is lacking in this situtation is communication.
    At 19 the its my way or the highway where your personal life is concerned is not going to fly much longer. It is also a bit unrealistic.
    Talk to your parents . Listen to their concerns. Address them.
    I did not care if my daughters visited a friend when I was paying for their college , car and all their expenses.
    I did tell them that the minute a "friend" moved in or they made other arrangements they would be responsible for everything but college.
    I suspect also that this is about your parents being concerned about your future and their little girl now becoming a woman. That's natural.
    Good luck. Also be thankful your parents care enough about you to voice their concerns. Not everyone is so lucky.. Shalom
    NorthernMama likes this.
         
        07-01-2013, 05:12 PM
      #20
    Weanling
    The way I see it age is just a number, I know people who are in there 30's who act like teenagers, and teenagers who act like there in there 30's. I believe your parents know best and you should take there advice, parents see things there kids are blind too. JMO!
         

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