I'm sure I'm not the only one... What do you say?

Dreamcatcher Arabians · 10-22-2012, 10:47 PM

You are a very kind hearted person! I hope this solution works and you don't have to take anymore abuse.

Delfina · 10-22-2012, 11:02 PM

Perhaps a request for a public apology for the rude remark is in order?

I wouldn't remove the kids but I sure would want the mom to come apologize in front of all the kids.

QOS · 10-22-2012, 11:05 PM

You are a very good egg and that is what 4H is all about!

I should hope though that your leader would have a little chat with this mother and put her on notice that behavior such as that is a poor example for children and will not be tolerated. Don't know how old her kids are but if they were old enough to catch what she said I am sure they wanted to fall through the floor.

Hope it is smooth sailing from now on and the kidlets enjoy their 4H experience.

tinyliny · 10-23-2012, 01:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MapleAir

Haha, yes, I should have maybe told her she can put a ride on my poor abused horse and we'll see from there ;) The thing with moving the kidlets to another group is that it's flat impossible.
We are a very small club and there is only 3 groups. Cloverbuds, older kids and horseless kids (meaning they don't have their own horse), the latter being my group because I was once one of the girls who could only admire horses from afar and I would have killed for someone to give me the opportunity to learn and take the first small steps in the world of horsemanship.
Removing the kids completely or making a big fuss would not make anything better. The general leader for wind of the story through the mother of the other girl who was so upset when she heard what the monster said to me and the end result is that parents are not allowed with the children any more during meetings. They can be there, have coffee etc but not interfere. Which is fine because 99% of parents just come and visit anyways.

I'm in 4-H because I want to reach kids that no matter whether you are different in whatever way, you can become a wonderful horse person and horses give so much love back and I hope that the kids will understand tolerance and respect and compassion for animals and other people. That's all.
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I am slapping the biggest , goldest star I can find , right in the middle of your forehead. Girl, if I could give you a hug, shake your hand and salute you from here, I would.

Your attitude of wanting to bring horse to those that could only wish from the sidelines really touched my heart. I was that little girl, too. And I didn't have anyone like you to share that passion with me. I am so glad that you have this in mind. It will bear fruit that you cannot yet see, but be sure it will be there.

MapleAir · 10-23-2012, 11:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Delfina

Perhaps a request for a public apology for the rude remark is in order?

I wouldn't remove the kids but I sure would want the mom to come apologize in front of all the kids.

I get your point, but see, I think if I were to request an apology, I'd in a way give her an audience. It was only her, me and 5 kids there when she said it and I think it's more beneficial when the 3 other childrens parents and myself sit them down (the two other kids were the monster's own) and explain that this is not appropriate behaviour but not make a big stink about it because most of the kids I'm sure don't even think in the direction "xy might be a bad rider / less of a person because she is bigger", an official apology would only direct them there. I'm not a mother myself but I trust that the 2 sets of parents involved (the parents of the 3 other kids) handled the issue very sensitively and the removal of all parents from our activities is a good thing for sure.

I keep wondering what I would have said if there had been no children around... This has fortunately been the first time that I got attacked like this ever and I hadn't even given it a thought before it happened. Would I have told her to stick her opinion where the sun don't shine or just walked away? I don't know.

Did any of you have an encounter like this before and what did you do?

afatgirlafathorse · 10-23-2012, 04:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MapleAir

See, that's exactly it, I didn't want to take it out on the kids, they are actually very sweet *must have a nice dad with that monster of a mother* and what I did was sit the other kids down and explained that it is not the childrens fault that their mother said something mean to me. One of the older kids got very upset and defensive over that remark and told her mom.

I don't want to cause a stir it was just such a surreal situation that I was completely out of control. And I wouldn't loose it in front of the kids ever. They deserve better than that.

As sad as it is though, the whole story kinda eats on my self esteem. When I was 160 lbs, I was at my best riding level ever. Now, at 200 lbs, I'm less flexible and I had to give up my competition horse due to old age. My new gelding is inexperienced and we have a long way ahead of us.

Long story short, I wonder if there was more truth to what she said then I want to admit.

I was also a childless 4H leader leading light horse for horseless kids and in the end, it was ultimately a nasty mother who ended that for me, berating me via email for "constantly disappointing the kids" when I had to reschedule meetings due to personal issues (the biggest slap to the face was that she and her son live with a man who was once charged with assault on her own son and she dares to tell ME that I am the one disappointing her son??).

I am sorry you had to deal with this - I did not ever have to deal with this sort of issue, I have no idea what I would do but I definitely think removing the parents from the equation was a good move.

texasgal · 10-23-2012, 04:29 PM

IMO .. she wouldn't have said it if the kids WEREN'T around ... they were the perfect shield.

Had you reacted, YOU would have been the bad 4H leader..

What a witch!

tinyliny · 10-23-2012, 04:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MapleAir

I get your point, but see, I think if I were to request an apology, I'd in a way give her an audience. It was only her, me and 5 kids there when she said it and I think it's more beneficial when the 3 other childrens parents and myself sit them down (the two other kids were the monster's own) and explain that this is not appropriate behaviour but not make a big stink about it because most of the kids I'm sure don't even think in the direction "xy might be a bad rider / less of a person because she is bigger", an official apology would only direct them there. I'm not a mother myself but I trust that the 2 sets of parents involved (the parents of the 3 other kids) handled the issue very sensitively and the removal of all parents from our activities is a good thing for sure.

I keep wondering what I would have said if there had been no children around... This has fortunately been the first time that I got attacked like this ever and I hadn't even given it a thought before it happened. Would I have told her to stick her opinion where the sun don't shine or just walked away? I don't know.

Did any of you have an encounter like this before and what did you do?

Again, you are demonstrating leadership and common sense here.

Once, I had an argument with a runner in the park. I had had a bad experience when runner with an off lease dog came around a corner suddenly and my horse spun and I blew out my hamstring muscles (no riding 6 weeks). That really made me wary and defensive if I saw runners with off leash dogs , or ones who don't see the horse because they are looking at the ground and wearing head phones, and run smack into a horse, dead on.

So, one day, a woman was running toward me, headphones on lookind at her feet. "Hello!" I shout , several times as she is approaching rapidly. She nearly runs dead into me and when she sees me, she starts and takes out the headphones. "oh, sorry" , she says. But I am now pissed. I scold her. She say's , "I said I was sorry, didn't I?" But, I keep scolding her as I ride away. She follows up with , "I said I was sorry, didn't I? You fat ass!"

I replied, "Oh, that's great. That really is grown up. Whatever . . . "

But, it kind of stung. I hadn't been called a "fat ass" in like . . . . Ever. But, now it's a great laugh for me, and I do have a fat ass.

smokinindigoblue · 12-11-2012, 09:57 AM

Im a plus sized rider and I have had people tell me to get a bigger horse cause ill never be able to doanything with one so small when im so big I then laugh at their faces as I come out of the ring with either a grand champion or reserve champion in everything I do

Iseul · 12-11-2012, 10:42 AM

I'll go ahead and say I weigh 220lbs, but I have a balanced seat and can ride that 14.1h pony and win a barrel class. Im just as flexible as someone else that only weighs say, 120lbs.
In school I had someone tell me they felt bad for my horse, and I told them I feel bad for their unhealthy body. So what you're a skinny little girl? I can eat food and still be healthy and fit.

Now..this would be the reason im NOT helping with the 4h. I wouldve drug her by her hair and smashed her pretty little face against the wall, multiple times. Im sure she doesnt ride, can barely handle a deadbroke horse, and has her own self esteem issues. While I wouldn't kick her kids out, it would be very known she wasnt welcome at any of the meetings. The father is more than welcome to come though.
Id also make sure to tell your 4h board/head/whathaveyou. Like said by others, she can very well twist it and go to them, getting you in trouble.
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