Having re-read your post and thought it over a bit I do have a couple of thoughts/questions.
Do you WANT to maintain the friendship, if possible? IS your husband sabotaging you?
It's easy for someone such as myself to sit here on the other side of a computer screen and say you should end a frienship, I am not the one with the time, emotion, etc invested in that friendship that you have. If you want to maintain the friendship, I think you will have to confront this situation head-on. Ask your fried to coffee and lay it all on the line - let her know that whatever beneficial message she is trying to convey to you is being lost in the delivery methods she is using. Tell her, point blank, how hurtful what she is doing/saying is to you. Once you've done that the proof will be in the pudding - if she makes an effort to change her ways, the friendship may be salvageable (IF that is what you want)