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A Thread That Is Not About Weight Loss

6K views 54 replies 18 participants last post by  Cinder 
#1 · (Edited)
I poked by here yesterday to see if there was any conversation of interest and noticed a significant amount of threads focused around weight loss. This is completely fine, but I wanted to throw something else in the mix. A thread about accepting yourself the way that you are, and recognizing that not every physical body has to lose weight to be validated.

For a very long time, I existed as a fat woman who felt my existence was only acceptable if I validated by the "but I'm trying to lose weight" tag. It was like an apology for existing. "Yes, I'm fat, but I'm trying to lose weight!" - and that helped others to respect me or see me as a valid person. You know, when I stopped apologizing for being who I was and started to accept and care about myself, a healthy lifestyle was so much easier to maintain. It was a tough road to go but hen I acknowledged that "hey, this 325lb girl is a valid, worthy person", it was only then that I dropped 70lbs - because I wanted to do good things for myself, because I was a good person. You don't do favors for people that you hate, so why would you be able to sustain treating your body the right way if you feel bad or shameful about it?

Now I am not knocking those who are attempting to lose weight, and I'm not saying that I'm not trying to gain fitness and shed pounds, or that it's BAD to try to lose weight or that I am encouraging anyone to gain copious amounts of weight and not be aware of it -- what I am saying is that if you treat your body the right way - fuel it right and move it correctly and don't count EVERY SINGLE CALORIE, and live life with a little bit of joy, but you still are over the standards that are set by society for "weight", then that is OKAY. I also want to let it be known (for those who aren't fat that poke in here from time to time) that sometimes fat people DON'T sit on the couch and eat Doritos and ice cream all day (this is my favourite because it was an actual comment on my blog at one point, LOL). That as fat people we aren't lying if we talk about how active or clean eating we are and still don't drop weight hand over fist.

I'm definitely not trying to invalidate the weight loss threads that are going on right now, just trying to balance the topics on the forum. :) So that when people on the outside look in they can see that we are not quantifying our existence by saying "... but I'm trying to lose weight!".

ETA: In going with this, perhaps we could all post a recent photo of ourself (with or without a horse!) in which we feel like we look good and we appreciate and accept ourself.
 
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#3 ·
YES.

Sure, I am currently trying hard to lose weight, but I am happy with who I am right now. More than that, my goal weight will still have me be obese. Even so, I want to get there and stay there, because it is a weight that I want, not what the rest of the world wants. I'm not losing weight for anyone but myself (well, and horses). It's for my health, and only slightly because I want to be able to shop in the average clothes store.

This is a photo from yesterday of me and my beautiful lease boy, Dozer. It's one of the few photos of myself that I like, even though it shows off my 'turkey wings', as I like to call them.
 
#4 ·
I don't give a flying crap about what others think of me and my extra pounds. I have lots friends, family and a girlfriend that love me just the way I am. Most of all, I love myself. I love the person I am regardless of what others think. Beauty is certainly more the skin deep! And remember, its not only "fat" people who face the challenge of self acceptance.

The reason I was to lose weight is because no amount of loving yourself is going to prevent a heart attack, diabetes, COPD, joint damage, sleep apnea, hypertension, etc. Working in the hospital I see a lot of things and I swear when I say if it wasn't CAUSED by being overweight then it was definitely COMPOUND by being over weight!
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#5 ·
No, self love certainly doesn't prevent those things -- but by what value do we measure "over"weight - which weight is it? For many of us (myself included at 6' tall), the BMI that seems to be most commonly used to measure what is "healthy" and what is not is impossible, literally. I would have to lose another 100lbs on to hit that scale appropriately.

My point is that sometimes you exercise and eat right and you DON'T hit that BMI-set number, and you're HEALTHY. And that's acceptable.

I just wanted to remind everyone that their self worth is not tied to that number on the scale. :)
 
#6 ·
I agree, the "appropriate" weight is a little... unrealistic. My sister is skinny, 4'11 and about 120. She would look emaciated if she was able to get down to 100, or less. I think that whole system needs to be revamped.

Bottom line is our bodies were never made to carry this much weight, regardless of good eating and activity. Our joints aren't designed to carry it. Our hearts have to work harder to circulate more blood to a larger body. Our kidneys are over taxed for circulating that blood. Our respiratory systems have difficulty with expansion. Sure, you feel healthy when your younger, but think of 10, 20 and 30 years from now!
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#8 ·
I agree with what you are saying and I agree with what SlideStop also said. I believe you are correct that it is easier to 'let go of the weight' when you have some self love. If you are truly doing it for yourself, because you love yourself, then it becomes easier... You don't mind giving it your all.


This was my first archery lesson.

I can say that right now I am not really concentrating on losing weight specifically. My boyfriend and I now do archery every Saturday morning. We also just got a puppy, so I am being more active just from that. Plus the weather is FINALLY getting warming and I am looking forward to getting out there more.


Isn't he perfect? :) His name is Rook.
 
#9 ·
Posting in haste, but:

Numbers on scales..

Here am I riding at 250 pounds odd and feeling like a million dollars



Here am I at around 250 feeling like a sack of pooh



The difference? Well in the first pic I was on my way down from over 300 pounds, and in the second I was on my way back up from under 200:oops:

I was thinking about this today when my lying rotten stupid scales say I have gained weight this week, and that is impossible, because I have been on target with my eating all week:twisted:

My Thoughts.

I AM not happy at my current weight and shape, so I am doing something about it.

I will not wait until some mythical time in the future when I am some 'perfect' weight to actually get out and enjoy life.

I will do all I can within the physical capabilities of myself and my horse, and that boundary will constantly expand.

Numbers are numbers and do not define me.

Apart from my losses..

I have lost 30 pounds since November, and have been going

"Oh Woe is me" "Only 30 pounds and I nave so much more to go."

I should be saying

"GIRL YOU ARE A ROCKSTAR! 30 pounds is great"

Gotta go, but just some thoughts to add.
 
#10 ·
Okay so I'll say it..."GIRL YOU ARE A ROCKSTAR and 30 lbs is great!!"
*hugs to you Goldenhorse* Oh and that is one super attractive boy you are riding! Keep on keeping on. I know exactly what you mean by being both happy and sad at the same weight, I just fit back into a new pair of jeans I bought-and stored for a few years as I'd gained weight.

I've never been hung up on numbers, when I was younger and working out my fighting weight was 165 lbs and I was very fit. Now I'm 48 years old and over time have gained a lot of weight. I feel it in my joints every single day, I'm up for a knee replacement sometime soon. As a nurse I see the problems that being overweight produce...diabetes which causes kidney failure, blindness, ulcers and limb loss. I see heart attacks and strokes, hip and knee replacements etc.

So yeah, I'm actively loosing weight. 45lbs since last summer, and more to go. I'm not saying for people to "not be comfortable in your own skin" about being overweight but you do have to think about taking years off the end of your life in trade for being overweight...that's the reality. I shudder to think I'll be lying there in one of my hospital beds not able to, to well clean myself up due to being overweight or loosing my leg to diabetes. Just my disjointed 2cents on the subject.
 
#11 ·
Yay!! Another nurse :) well I'm just a meer student for the next year! I'm extremely worried about my joints. My foot recently developed plantars faciitis from rugby...yes, I could play fine but my foot wasn't able to handle the stress. But yes, very sad, scary and most of all undignifing when a patient so is large they can't get out of bed to use the bathroom, let alone clean themselves. That's all disease aside of course.
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#12 ·
I have been fat for something like 22 years, (I am now almost 55), for the most part. Sure, I dieted the weight off , and gained it back with it's new extra pounds. I also had (have) a good life. I do everything a nonobese person does. I did/do not allow being fat to stop me. Dancing, swimming, riding, badminton, hiking, you name it. Being fat always made those things more difficult for me than for my skinny-minny friends, but I actually felt perversely proud of the fact that even though I was well overweight, I could still hold my own in all those activities. just like my skinny friends playing badminton with a 50 lb pack on their backs. just try that! I soldiered on. But . . .

Now here comes the big HOWEVER. ..

It cannot go on forever. you cannot deny the weight and its' effects on your body or the toll it takes. You have to work harder and harder to overcome it, and it wears you down, joint by joint.

Most of the pictures posted show young people .. You cannot get back your knees once they are trashed. And, you will find that the thing you love most in the world - riding- will become harder to do, more painful and you will be less able to do it. Of course, age itself plays a part, but I hate to say this, but being fat will make you age harder than those who are not fat for many years of their life. AND, the longer you are fat, the harder it is to take the weight off. The older you get, the harder it is to take the weight off.

Sure, you should most definitely love yourself and immerse yourself in life without self hate or shame. But, try to keep in mind the very far distant future.
think of it this way; "if it's hard to take off weight now (and it surely is), will it be easier next year? (I assure you it won't). Do I want hard or harder?"
 
#13 ·
I do like the idea of acceptance and body positivity, I'm huge in the world of fitness on tumblr and it's a common theme, something that is much debated. Yes, body positivity is a great thing, and you cannot lead a healthy life style if you're constantly putting yourself down about your weight. I'm a firm believer that it's not healthy to be over weight, it's not healthy to be underweight, and it's not healthy to be at your 'perfect' weight if you're still afraid of calories (note afraid, not conscious). So yes, accepting your body is one gigantic leap to being a healthy person, but too often I see 'body positivity' carrying over into using it as an excuse to not try to achieve health in the rest of your life. At 5 ft, my highest weight was 150 pounds. I wore an XL shirt and felt like a 90 year old women, not fun when you're in your teens. Riding hurt, falling hurt, now I'm down 30 pounds and have a decent amount of muscle, but my body still hurts because it wasn't built to carry that much weight and I've pretty much mucked up some of my joints for the rest of my life... at 19 years old.

The idea of being positive about yourself and accepting your body is a good one, if you're still conscious.
 
#14 ·
It's all relative as to what feels like unbearably fat. I am something like 205. I'd be thrilled to be 150. I would be thrilled to be 175. twenty years ago, that would not be so thrilling.

I do agree, wholeheartedly, with what the OP said about loving yourself. I love the way she said, "you don't do favors for someone you dislike, so you won't take care of yourself if you don't like/love yourself" or something along those lines. So, so true!
 
#21 ·
And one reason I might be harping on this rather harshly (please excuse me. I am usually not so direct and "mean") is that my own weight is the cause of the knee and lower back problems that are now threatening my ability to ride and to walk anywhere of any real distance. I NEVER thought it would actually come to that. Not me. I could always keep up , even being way overweight I could outride some of my skinny friends. Now, I am seeing a very frightening spectre of being unable to actually ride. OMG. That is simply unacceptable. but, my knee is pretty trashed, and so is my lower back, and if you think being 50+ lbs overweight for 20+ years didn't have somethign to dowith that, then you are fooling yourself.

It's not too late for me to change. Am I willing? well, a lot more than a year ago, becuase it's one year more critical. Will even this threat of being unable to ride or walk well be enough to make me do what it takes? not sure. Overeating is a POWERFUL addiction. and the older you get, the less food it takes to make you fat, so you have to eat even less to lose weight. People always said that to me, but it never really seemed true until now. I doubt it's possible for a person to really realize these things purely by another person warning them of the impending nature of them. one has to walk the path themselves to feel the stones.
 
#22 ·
I think there is a big difference between loving yourself, and loving the fact that you are overweight, or even being ok with it. The smallest that I have ever been was 180, and at 5'5" that is still overweight, but I was literally rock solid, nothing moved, and I had a 24" waist. I look in the mirror now, and wonder wth happened? But one thing that no one can take from me, is my confidence. I can, will, and do still walk into a room or situation like I own it. Does that mean that I'm happy with being fat? Hell no. But I do love and respect myself enough to walk in with my head held high. When I say that I'm working on losing weight, I mean it and will do what I have to. I'm never going to offer that phrase to anyone in an attempt to justfy my existance, because at the end of the day I really don't care what they think of me. It only matters what I think of me, and whatever I'm doing to lose weight, get fit, get healthy, etc etc is between me, my body, my mind, and no one else. The way I look at it, is if someone doesn't like me simply because I'm fat, they are missing everything else that I am, and it's their loss, not mine.
I understand completely why this thread was began. We are more than our numbers, and we have to love ourselves enough to change, but we don't have to love the fact that we're overweight. You can love yourself, and not love your circumstances. Life happens, it knocks you down, well you can choose to cowboy/cowgirl up or you can lay in the dirt. Get up, dust yourself off, and keep pushing forward.
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#23 ·
i think there is a big difference between loving yourself, and loving the fact that you are overweight, or even being ok with it. The smallest that i have ever been was 180, and at 5'5" that is still overweight, but i was literally rock solid, nothing moved, and i had a 24" waist. I look in the mirror now, and wonder wth happened? But one thing that no one can take from me, is my confidence. I can, will, and do still walk into a room or situation like i own it. Does that mean that i'm happy with being fat? Hell no. But i do love and respect myself enough to walk in with my head held high. When i say that i'm working on losing weight, i mean it and will do what i have to. I'm never going to offer that phrase to anyone in an attempt to justfy my existance, because at the end of the day i really don't care what they think of me. It only matters what i think of me, and whatever i'm doing to lose weight, get fit, get healthy, etc etc is between me, my body, my mind, and no one else. The way i look at it, is if someone doesn't like me simply because i'm fat, they are missing everything else that i am, and it's their loss, not mine.
I understand completely why this thread was began. We are more than our numbers, and we have to love ourselves enough to change, but we don't have to love the fact that we're overweight. You can love yourself, and not love your circumstances. Life happens, it knocks you down, well you can choose to cowboy/cowgirl up or you can lay in the dirt. Get up, dust yourself off, and keep pushing forward.
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bravissimo!
 
#28 ·
and you look beautiful my dear!

I think the point of this thread was just to deter people away from the "I need to lose weight to be happy/ride" attitude. So what if you do or think you do? We can also talk about how beautiful we are in our own skin, BESIDES focusing on weight loss.
 
#30 ·
I'm 5'7" and 230-ish pounds. Six months ago, I weighed 170-ish (but mostly muscle, as I was wearing a size 12). I haven't changed anything in my eating habits (if anything, I'm eating better) and I'm definitely more active (my job now requires it as I wash cars all day). I have a great life that I love. I have an amazing boyfriend, an awesome family, ridiculously incredible friends, and a pretty okay job.

Do I love who I am as a person? You bet your boots! I've got stuff I need to work on, but so does everyone (unless you ask my boyfriend...he thinks he's perfect lol).

Do I love who I am physically? Hell no!

Can/do I accept myself as I am physically right now? Not a chance in hell.

And here's why not...

1) I drive a 1983 Ford Thunderbird Heritage. This is a car that sits low to the ground. I have a VERY hard time getting into and out of my car, especially if it's sitting on any sort of an incline.

2) I can't wear my uniform pants. I had to trade them in for a bigger size (size 46 in men's...they don't have women's) and they are still too small. I wore a pair on Saturday and I literally have a bruise across my stomach from the waistband.

3) I get winded walking across the parking lot. Where I used to be able to go on a 5 mile hike over rough terrain and barely get winded, I now can barely walk a half mile on a manicured trail before I'm spent.

4) We're just not even gonna get into my (non-existent) sex life.

I could go on, but I won't. My point is that I cannot and do not accept myself at this weight.

That being said, I do need to get checked out medically because I can feel that something isn't...right...with my body.
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#32 ·
Why not comment, does this make you feel uncomfortable?

For those who are comfortable in their body, that is great, I feel happy for them, but that isn't everyone.

I tried feeling happy with my body, I just got fatter, I don't seem to have a 'normal weight' I am always on a journey to another place. To me is is important to accept who you are, but at the same time very few of us are perfect, we are always working to improve our lives, bodies, minds etc etc.
 
#33 ·
My point being... why be the debbie-downer on a thread meant to uplift?

There are plenty of other threads on here where you can gloat about your perceived body image. I, for one, will continue to uplift and compliment the women who post pictures because they ARE beautiful, even if they aren't completely happy with themselves.... its nice to hear nice things about yourself instead of always being "OMG I need to lose weight, I look horrible." mentality.

Not addressing this to anyone specific... just go be unhappy on other threads instead of bringing people down on here because it reaffirms your own negative body image. So what if we all need to lose weight? Why does that need to be the center of all discussion on here?
 
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