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Equus_girl 10-18-2011 11:25 PM

"The Customer is not always right!" Share yours!
 
I found this website - and it has some hilarious things on it! I can relate to some of them as I work at a hardware store and get some interesting customers at times! There was one man that came into the store this week and ranted and raved because we didn't have a certain type of screw he wanted! Oh, well!

Here are a few I found from that website. Feel free to post your favorites and your experiences! :-)



(This gentleman regularly comes to the gym and seems a little bit high-strung, but was always normal before.)
Me: “Goodmorning, sir, how are you today?”
Customer: “Not very good.”
Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir.”
Customer: *suddenly intense* “Have you seen any NAZIS lately?”
Me: “…uh…no?”
Customer: “They’re EVERYWHERE.”
Me: “Oh. Well…I certainly haven’t seen any Nazis lately, sir.”
Customer: “Good! But they’re everywhere. You gotta watch out for them! *leaves to go work out*

(A lady comes in with an 8-foot boa constrictor draped over hershoulders.)
Customer: “Where is your cookie aisle?”
Me: “No!No! No! You cannot bring that in here. You have to leave.”
Customer: “Why? He won’t hurt you.”
Me: “I’m terrified of snakes for one, and also, it’s a health code violation.”
Customer: *walking closer to me, as I slowly back away* “That’s crazy! I’mnot leaving, and you can’t make me. Plus, he’s not on the floor or touching anything in the store, so how can it be a health code violation? Now, where are the cookies?”
Me: “It’s a health code violation because no animals are allowed in a store where food is served, unless they’re service animals, and that’s not a service animal.”
Customer: “You’re crazy!”
Me: *calling to manager* “Can you please come out here, NOW?!”
Manager: *walking over* I’m sorry ma’am, you’re going to have to take the snake outside. You can come back in only if you get rid of it.”
Customer: “I’m not leaving the snake outside; I’m going to get the cookies.”
Manager: “Ma’am, you’re terrifying my employees and customers, and it’s a huge health code violation. If you would like, you can tell me what kind of cookies you’d like and hand me your money, and I’ll go get them for you.
Customer: “I’m afraid that’s not going to work either. My snake here likes to pick out his own cookies.”
Me: “…”
Manager: “Then I’m afraid we can’t help you and you must leave.”
Customer: “I’m going across the street, and telling the police station you won’t let me shop with the snake. This is an outrage, and this isn’t the last you’ve heard of me!”

Customer:*tone, serious* “So, are you 50% off too?”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Customer: “Your sign says that everything is 50% off. That includes you, right?”
Me: “Sir, I can assure you that I am not for sale. The sale is only on Christmas items, and I am not included.”
Customer: *still serious* “But you work here! That means you’re for sale too!”
(After a 5-minute battle, he finally gives up and walks out empty-handed.)

American customer: “Your flag is just so pretty. I love maple leaves. Does it come in blue?”
Me: “Um, no, sorry, only red.”
American customer: “That’s a shame. My kitchen is blue, and it would look so pretty on the wall.You should make them in other colours.”
Me: “…”
Canadian customer behind her: “That’s a good point. I’ve always thought the stars-and-stripes would look great in earth tones.”
American customer: “Our flag is ALWAYS red, white and blue! Honestly, Canadians are so stupid sometimes.”

(I used to work in a building on 17th and Pennsylvania Ave, which is a block away from the White House.)
Me: “Good morning, *** & ***.”
Lady: “Uh ,hi… is this office in DC?”
Me: “Yes ma’am, this is the DC office. How may I direct your call?”
Lady: “Is your building by the White House?”
Me: “Yes,it is…?”
Lady: “Can you run over there and tell them to pick up the phone? I’ve been calling all day but I can’t get ahold of the President!”
Me:*click*

Customer: “I would like to get a portrait of my dog done.”
Me: “Okay, sure. I would love to do that for you.”
Customer: “Do you always do your portraits in black and white? Because I would like it in color.”
Me: “Sorry, no… I just work in pencil.”
Customer: “So you can’t do color?”
Me: “No, all my portraits are done in graphite pencil. I don’t paint or anything.”
Customer: “Aw, well I really wanted it in color, but oh well… I guess.”
(She then proceeds to hand me a picture of her pure white dog with a black nose.)




Me: “Thankyou for calling, how can I help you?”
Customer: “Hi, I’d like a personal pan pizza for my son.”
Me: “I’m sorry sir, we’re all out of personal pans for the day. Can I getyou something else?”
Customer: “No! I guess my son will just have to go ahead and STARVE!”
Me: “…”

Customer: “Excuse me sir, where are the Exacto knives?”
Me: “They’re on aisle 24, ma’am.”
Customer: “Thankyou, you do seem like someone who would know where the knives are.” *walks off*
Me: “…”



(I was helping a regular customer who had wandered in–as he did daily–from the nursing home across the street.)
Old Man: “You’re working again?”
Me: “Yes, every day.”
Old Man: “You know what? Every time I see you, there’s a big smile on your face.”
Me: “What can I say, I love my job.”
Old Man: “Yes,you have a wonderful smile. You’ll make a good looking corpse.”
Me: “…”
(He got a wide berth after that.)

Poseidon 10-19-2011 01:45 AM

Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes, I assume?

I submitted one in about March from when I took my laptop to Best Buy to be replaced. The Geek Squad guys told me to just browse around on it to see if it would crash again. He asked if he could help the next people in line, I said yes. The next people in line are a family of 4, the one needing help is a maybe 15 year old boy with an iPod Touch.

Geek Squad: Hi. What's your problem?
Boy: I just bought this, but it won't connect to iTunes or let me put music on it.
Geek Squad: Was it connected correctly?
Boy: Yeah.
Geek Squad: Is your iTunes updated?
Boy: Well, there was a pop up that asked me to update it, but I just closed it.
Geek Squad: ..you're going to need to update it or your iPod won't work.
Boy: *stares* Oh..okay.

As soon as they were out of earshot, both me and the Geek Squad guy started laughing really hard. The look of realization on the entire family's face was priceless.

Joe4d 10-19-2011 06:06 AM

I did taxes for a number of years, I had a client kept arguing things with me, leaving me to wonder why was he paying me if he knew so much. Then he started with "so and so said this , so and so said that blah blah blah, I finally asked who this person was, He said it was a guy he worked with at his plumbing business.

Fed up I slid his paper work across the desk, "Tell you what bud, get your GD plumber to do your taxes and next time your toilette clogs up give me a call."

Horsesdontlie 10-24-2011 03:03 AM

A while ago I used to work at Legoland, a small kids park. I would be assigned a small shop, by myself for the day. This day I was working at a shop that was at the exit of a small roller-coaster. One day I was approached by a lady

Lady 1 : Excuse me could you do a favor for me?
Me : Sure, what can I help you with?
Lady 1 : Will you watch my purse while I go on the ride?
Me : I am sorry ma'am but I am not allowed to watch personal belongings of guests in the park.
Lady 1 : It will be really quick.
Me : I'm sorry, but I can't. I'm sure the ride attendants will let you take the purse on with you.

(Lady 1 walks away disgruntled, Immediately after I am approached by lady 2 towing two kids, one looks to be 3 years old, the other 6 years old)

Lady 2 : Hello, I was wondering if you could help me.
Me : (hesitant now) I can try my best, what do you need help with?
Lady 2 : My son here does not reach the height requirement for the roller-coaster, can you please watch him while I take the older kid on the ride?
Me : I am sorry, but I cannot do that.
Lady 2 : But lady, he really wants to go on the ride, but I can't take the younger one on with us, please just watch him!
Me : I can not take that responsibility, I am very sorry.

(At this point I see Lady 1 RUNNING up to us as Lady 2 turns to leave)

Lady 1 : I think I can help you! If you watch my purse I will take your older son on the roller coaster with me!
Me ::shock:
Lady 2 : You would be a life saver if you would! He would cry the whole way home if he doesn't get to go on!
Lady 1 : Oh that would be wonderful, here. (hands over purse)
Lady 2 : Thank you so much! (takes purse and hands off the kid to this stranger)

(Lady 1 takes the older kid on the ride while Lady 2 sits down with the purse and younger child...)

I found the whole concept of trading a kid for a purse liability wise very very odd. I would never trust my own kid to a stranger (I don't have kids now.... but still) neither would I hand a stranger my purse. Yet I had no place to say anything in the matter...

eastsea 12-19-2011 12:59 AM

Nice encounters you've got in this thread! Keep 'em coming!


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