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pintophile 10-26-2011 06:44 PM

Terrorist Attacks in Europe
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588 when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's Get the *******s." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual. The only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Meanwhile, Australia has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

-- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person

GreyRay 10-26-2011 07:35 PM

Ahaaahaha! This is so bad >.<
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Tyler 10-26-2011 08:10 PM

rofl! This was great! =D Thanks for sharing.

Allison Finch 10-26-2011 08:55 PM

Gee Pinto, is there anyone you haven't stereotyped and offended? Hmmm....let me see.... NOPE!!

ridergirl23 10-26-2011 10:42 PM

hahahahahaahahahahaahaha love it.

LittleZeasel 10-26-2011 10:49 PM

This is actually amusing ;) (using British understatement here ;) ... )
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Maeras 10-27-2011 04:23 PM

Love, love, love it! XD

Kayty 10-27-2011 09:11 PM

Haha definitely not offended by the Aussie bit - because it is SO true! It takes a lot to cancel a BBQ :P

Golden Horse 10-27-2011 09:15 PM

Courtney 10-31-2011 10:19 PM


Originally Posted by Golden Horse (Post 1214147)

... I need to save this for future use.

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