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kathryn 10-30-2011 03:22 PM

Barn Breakups
So I have been riding at my barn forever, but since I've gotten to college I've started riding at this new barn thats a bit closer but also just for something different.

My trainer at my old barn is a perfectionist, with her I feel like I've never advanced beyond 2ft singles because I have not perfected them. The new trainer lets me do 2'6 courses while still trying to perfect my form. The old barn doesnt have the best reputation, and I always just brushed it off but now after seeing and riding at this new barn I can see why. The new trainer almost always lets me hack another horse after my lesson for no reason except to get me more saddle time.

There are a lot more reasons I want to make the switch, I am obsessed with this new barn and its everything I've ever wanted in a barn (except a sad lack of outdoor ring). How do I breakup with my old barn and tell them I am not coming back, but also tell them I "may" start at a new barn, because its inevitable I will run into my old trainer at some point showing for my new barn.

I feel bad for "cheating" on both barns and trainers, but I didn't want to leave my old barn before I testdrove the new barn, and I didn't want the new barn to think I wasnt serious. I've kinda gotten myself into a pickle.

Reiterin 10-30-2011 04:40 PM

I understand how you feel like you're "cheating" the old barn, but you shouldn't feel that way. I'm sure you're not the first person who has 'moved on' to advance their riding.
I'm not really sure what to tell you about How to leave you old barn,.. but just don't feel bad about doing it.

Allison Finch 10-30-2011 04:47 PM

You don't have to say anything at the old barn. If you feel the need to, I would simply say that you are going to this barn because with school and all the work it entails, you need to go to the closer barn....period.

I wouldn't burn any bridges, though. You can imply that after college, you may be back. You never know what may come in the future....

catsandhorses 10-30-2011 05:49 PM

You may not be up for this (which is OK), and others might disagree, but I would consider being perfectly honest with the trainer you are leaving. You could simply say that you feel like your training has plateaued and that you tried out a place closer to your college that seems to be helping you progress beyond 2 ft singles. Thank the coach for her time and everything she has taught you, and then don't look back.

I feel frustrated FOR you with coaches that fail to help their students progress, especially as the coach won't tell the student that it is time for the student to move on to a more advanced coach. Coaches need to hear from their students if/when they need to improve their coaching skills - or they will continue to loose dedicated students.

kathryn 10-30-2011 10:39 PM

Yeah I absolutely do not want to burn bridges, I still have a lot of friends at the old barn and one friend who's horse I ride fairly often, so I don't want to be awkward showing up there to ride Bailey ever. I think what I will do is say that with school and everything I don't have time to come home every Friday and also next semester I will have class on Fridays. I will say that I will probably end up looking into a closer barn because I don't want to stop riding. I will just tell tiny white lies that I've already found the place. Which I do feel guilty about but I feel like thats the only way to go about this.

haleylvsshammy 10-31-2011 12:35 AM

You don't need to feel guilty. I understand it happens, you dedicated your time to this barn and now you feel bad that you're moving on. Tell the BO that you've enjoyed the time you have spent there but you need a place closer to where you are going to be going to college.

Remember, as close as you get to everyone at the barn, it is still a business and the BO will understand that you needed to relocate. If the BO doesn't understand, be glad you're moving on to a better place.

Dreamcatcher Arabians 10-31-2011 12:56 AM

No need to lie. The barn owner probably already knows about the new place and since it is closer and more convenient, that's all you have to say. You really don't owe anyone an explanation and that way no bridges get burnt and you can go back if you need to when you're out of school.

Kiviknon 10-31-2011 04:18 AM

What's wrong with wanting perfection? I don't run 5 miles before I can run 3 with ease. I've had trainers and teachers who have the, "That'll do" mentality and it doesn't work for me.
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caseymyhorserocks 10-31-2011 06:43 PM

Just say that I am really busy with college, and I need a place that is closer. Say that you will swing by every so often, maybe with an occasional lesson or to visit a friend. Good luck ;-)

kathryn 11-08-2011 11:15 AM

It is done haha. I think I left the door open and also said that I was going to look for a closer place to take lessons because I don't want to become super rusty, so they are aware I will be taking lessons at another place. I hope I did it correctly.

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