I'm stuck and I don't know how to fix it.
I know I used to have an account on these forums, but I don't really feel like digging it up again right now and I like the handle "Pineapples" better than whatever I had before anyways.
This is going to be long. It's mostly me ranting, venting, because I finally remembered that there IS a place where I can and people will actually understand. My rant boils down to:
I'm stuck too fat to THINK about riding a horse and all of my attempts to fix it have been met with no success.
My weight starts with a three. That's NOT good. I don't give a flying snuff about how I look, but of course I worry about my health. I am frustrated by the EFFECTS of my weight, and chief among them is that there is no way that I am getting up on anything but a freakin' Shire, and even that I am not so sure about. Okay, that's not chief among them -- that'd be my breathing problems -- but seriously, it's really high up there. I want to ride. My passion for horses wasn't a childish fancy. It's not going away. But I'm stuck leaning on fence rails watching OTHER people ride because I can't. It sucks.
But my attempts are just...unsuccessful. Recently, I stayed with my sister for four months in an attempt to lose some weight. I still live at home because I can't get a job because nobody wants to hire a morbidly obese highschool dropout in this economy, and my parents furnish the food -- which is substandard on a health scale because they spend about $250 a week on cigarettes and other assorted 'essentials' like beer and energy drinks. My older sister, seeing the pattern and being a nutritionist, was nice enough to try and help...but it just didn't seem to.
The sibling and I are BOTH very intelligent about eating. We know how to eat right. There's no sense dieting; all you're doing is setting yourself up for failure. I know how to eat: Lots of vegetables. Fresh foods. Beans. High fiber. Not many servings of red meat. It was ON. For four months. We didn't exercise religiously, but when you eat right, you don't actually have to, and when you've got all sorts of breathing problems like I do, it's not the best of ideas. My goal for six months was fourty pounds. NOT unreasonable, considering it was the first six months of a 'diet' and you lose more weight at first. I lost twenty in four months. Twenty pounds for four months of eating VERY well and exercising mostly-regularly, but more importantly, living an active lifestyle in which I spent several hours a day moving.
Yeah. Not so much. That's not right. I'm sure I've gained it all back since I've moved back home, and that's depressing, and I just...don't know what to do. I try to walk. I have a dog; we walk. But seriously, I walk four blocks and I can't breathe. Allergies. Allergies and I are very well-acquainted, and even as I type this I am having a hard time breathing in spite of the fact that I haven't actually done anything recently. I have a feeling it would clear up a little if I weighed about half as much as I do now -- which is my only goal, I'm not looking to be skinny, just healthy -- but I don't know how to get there.
I think my thyroid is out of whack. I used to be on medication for it, but now I don't have insurance, so...well, I haven't been to anything but the emergency room in a while, and it's not really plausible. I don't think I have diabetes (I haven't once passed out after forgetting to eat for fifteen or sixteen hours), just the thyroid thing, but...knowing that that is the problem doesn't help me any when I can't do anything about it.
I want to ride horses. I want to try out these ideas I read, see how far I can go on a good horse. I want to ride across America, because I can and because it's there and really for no other reason than that. I want to have a job so I can do these things. I just can't find a way out of this crap.
The only hope that I have is that they actually will file taxes this year and I'll be able to go to school. If I can get loans and get to school, maybe I'll have enough to get my own place. Other members of my family have had the chance to with their loans. Schools also have their own insurance, so, maybe I could get in on that.
I just don't know what to do. I feel helpless, and, being a control freak, that IRRITATES me and also scares me a little. Every time I try something, it fails, and failing is not something I accept easily. But I just don't know what to do.
Have you thought of going to your doctors?! Maybe getting a band...... Or joining a fight fighters group?
I have asthma you can still excerice :) walk for 10mins for a week then extend the amount once you find this easy :)
Don't give up...I was very big and still am big so know how you feel.
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Beng a person who is extremely physically fit and over 50 years old, I will tell you one thing - cardio. Get your heartrate up for 20 minutes a day and sweat and you will see the pounds drop off. But I know it's hard and very uncomfortable. If you want it bad enough, you can do it, you're young. Just remember, nothing tastes as good as the feeling of losing weight. I am sure you watch the program the Biggest Loser. That's the key after cutting out the crap food, getting the heart rate up & burning your muscles. When you feel that burn, it's your fat cells getting smaller & going away (yay). It's not easy, but once you get into the habit, you will crave it and feel good. You can do it and riding will just be the icing on the cake. Nothing worthwhile in life comes easy, you have to work for it, and you have the advantage of youth on your side, good luck.
What about surgery to reduce the size of your stomach? Are you on meds to control your asthma and allergies? i had bad asthma for years and still played soccer for 15 of them. As to losing weight. It's way more than just eating right. You have to throw in exercise to lose. Cardio is great and doesn't have to be intense cardio. Start small and maybe ask your doctor what he can suggest for exercise.
I am not over weight and can't say I know what you'r going through, but about the thyroid thing, it runs in my family all the women have either hyper or hypo hypothyroidism. A lot of them can't afford the medication because even in Canada it is over $120 a month depending on how bad it is.
Any way, if you have a health food store near by check it out because there is thyroid health (I can't remember brand but can find out), and everyone swears by it, that it works better than the stuff you get from the doctor. I don't know if it is available in the US, but you don't need a doctor to say you can talk it.
As allergies, I am allergic to horses and hay and I know it is hard but keep moving it just seems to make them worst if you sit and wait for them to be better.
as someone who had been there and know what you were going through I know how you feel.. before I started dieting and trying to lose weight I was like 330.. I wanted to learn how to ride, but I was sure I couldnt ride anything..so I decided to try to lose weight before I rode.. I changed my diet and worked out some.. I do have asthma.. so running and such took a toll on me.. when I got close to 300 a friend or mine said I could start riding for short periods.. and I did find a horse to ride occasionally.. and I still am losing weight.. down to 250 ish.. put back on about 10 lbs over holidays.. but my goal is to lose 30-40 more in 2012.. its taken me almost 3 years to lose it all.. but even being 300 pounds.. I have never had any horse I ever rode struggle with me.. or show signs of discomfort.. and I was upfront with my size and weight ahead of time with places so they werent shocked when I came.. but dont rule it out alltogether.. It may take time.. but you can do it if you set your mind to it.. and I have never ridden a draft horse.. in fact a horse I ride in lessons occasionally is 14.3 draft cross
I am currently the heaviest I have ever been in my life. No thanks to the new job that is a desk job, I have always had a standing/moving job until now. Currently I weigh about 250.
Here is where I would start if I was you:
1. Get your GED. It will boost your self worth, and help you get a job. Since you live at home, and are currently not working, perfect time to do so, you can completly focus on your studies.
2. Get a job. How you typed up your thread, you have the smarts to land a job, and do well with it! Maybe it'll be just working at Subway or something but hey its a job!! (I have worked there myself) Stay away from burger joints though, you're just setting yourself up to fail with your weight that way. Find a job where you have to be on your feet, but yet if need be you are able to rest. Maybe a gas station, I don't mean to give you these crappy jobs as a start, but honestly, you have to start somewhere. With a job, and your own income, you then are able to buy the HEALTHY food you need, maybe afford to join a gym, or a wieght support team.
Another tip, you say you get tired easily with walking, maybe find a pool and start there, swimming is soo much nicer on your joints.
Be POSITIVE, apply for any job you can find, and be upbeat, look neat and proffesional, when people see that you care about yourself no matter what you weigh, they are likely to hire. Thats how I landed my job with O'reilly Auto Parts, I knew hardly anything about cars, only had the want to learn, and the upbeat personality.
Good luck! Keep us updated!!
I know what you are going through on the weight loss. I'm there. But I think draftgrl said it right. Stay positive, chin up and get studying.
I am about to start my MBA and nothing in the world makes me feel better about myself than realising my own potential brain power. From your wonderful writing above, I'm positive that you will do brilliantly!
I've had the best luck with low-carb/ Atkins. I lost 22 lbs that way (8 pounds the first two weeks).
Unfortunately I fell off the wagon and am starting over, but it worked so much better for me than "weight watchers" type diets. I actually weigh less right now, not exercising other than riding, than I did when I was doing weight watchers and walking almost every day. For me, the carbs are what really pack on the pounds.
Lets just say this upfront. Being the fat kid sucks the big one. No matter what way you slice it, and that kid was ALWAYS me. So I know how you feel. Sometimes you just get depressed because of the way you are, and it's a downward, self-loathing spiral from there. Been there, done that, got the tshirt.
There are things you can do though, (not going to touch on the eating stuff, as it looks like you have it covered with your sister!). Maybe try beginners yoga, its low impact, and helps you stretch out. I had my doubts, but I tried it and I do it every morning now! (There's even free episodes on youtube! ... just make sure nobody's watching, as you feel pretty silly doing it the first few times :p). Its a great start to you day, and really gets rid of those morning fuzzies.
Some other people mentioned getting your GED, and I agree. It'll help boost your confidence. You may be able to do it online, and if you can, perhaps invest in a set of small, hand held weights (I started off using big cans of tomato paste), and lift them while you're sitting watching tv, or on the computer.
You mentioned you have a dog. Start out going for a walk, and timing how long it takes you (walking at a brisk pace) to run out of breath. Note that, and start out walking for 5 minutes, and stopping for a break. And when you notice you're not running out of breath so much - up it to 10 minutes. It's all about pace.
I'm not sure if you guys have the down there - but in Canada we have a weighted belt that I've used (it was a bit on the pricey side - $130), and that made me drop weight like mad. I wore it all day, even when I was working at the barn.
And most importantly, remember that you're not "too fat" to ride. Horses are animals that are THOUSANDS of pounds heavier, however there are dainty little breeds that us big boned girls just shouldn't touch (arabs? no thank you).
Always remember that you have a support system here, and we're all routing for you! :)
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