let the temper tantrums begin... WARNING RANT
I know I'm new to this site...but this is one of my only outlets for ranting...
I recently asked the forum about keeping my birth name...
Well I decided to do so...maybe hypenate with my husband's name later on...
And we decided to hyphenate our upcoming daughter's name Mylastname-Hislastname
Well then we finalized our birthing plan...a part of that was setting down guidlines for visitation and so on...Im a control freak...and know that I won't be able to control a lot of the labor process...but I can control external forces...
so my rules involved....only visit during certain hours of the day because Im going to be exhausted and breastfeeding on demand (every 2 hours)...please no more than 3 or 4 people at a time...no strong lotions, colognes, perfumes please...please no visitors until we are comfortable in the post partum room...and no pictures or videos...we are going to take pictures and release the ones we want released...
Well his family went into total temper tantrum mode. They started calling us...and get this...my MOTHER at 6:30 this morning!! We released our birth plan last night at about 10 pm. They are totally pissed about the last name issue...and totally pissed about the rules we are asking them to follow. His mother called my mother 3 times harassing her about it...AT WORK!! Anyway...my husband called his family and told them the rules were not negotiable...and the last name was not negotiable. He got huffed and puffed at...but oh well...they will just have to learn to live with it.
In-laws...why couldn't I get normal ones? Or do normal in-laws actually exist... :?
So far my in-laws have been great, of course we don't plan on having anymore children, so I wont be faced with any of the issues you have presented.
First, keeping your last name is your decision, and yours alone. Yea, I can see where the older family members could see that as a bit disrespectful and so on, but you have to realize that it's been a part of almost a world wide tradition for so long, some times it's harder for people to accept change than others.
In my opinion your birth plan sounds completely acceptable and well within reason. You are the person giving birth, you and your husband should be able to call all of the shots, well as many as can be controlled. I was always told that if there was something bothering you, or if there was someone who was being bothersome, tell the nurse. Make the nurses be the bad guy. I did that, I asked my nurses to ask people to leave and so on. It helped on me being sought as being selfish and what not. I think that now, yes the in laws might have a problem with the guidelines that you have put down, but once the baby comes, they'll have to come to terms with the rules, or they wont be able to see the baby. I actually got so sick that my nurses and my mom had put a sign out on my door that refused visitors, my family and ex in laws were forced to abide by them. My motto is "Like it or Lump it".
You're doing great, hang in there!
Your birth plan, your family, your child = YOUR CHOICES! Better to lay down this stuff now because after it will make it easier when it comes time to toilet-train, discipline, schooling, etc. etc. It's very important that you and your husband are on the same page to back each other up. If you have that, the rest of the relatives are just going to have to come in line.
As an aside -- I always wonder about this hyphenated last name thing. So if Susy Johnson-Black marries Jim Trotten-Hanger is their son's name going to be Tommy Johnson-Black-Trotten-Hanger??? I never have reconciled to that.
but we came to the conclusion...when Sydney is a grown woman making her own decisions about her marriage...she will have to make her own decision on what to be called at that point. I can't forsee every decision or trouble that she has in her life...so I can't base my present decisions on what-ifs.
Thanks for the support on my long-winded rant. :lol: My husband and I are standing firm in our decisions and they will just have to live with it.
how about this for your in-laws option: don't visit at all :P
gosh, sorry you're having to deal with that - good for you all for sticking to your guns!
I expected problems when we sent out the birth plan. His family just likes to cause trouble and gets highly offended when they are not included on all decision making...which unfortunately for them I don't include them on any decision making for our nuclear family. :?
I remember way back when...when Josh proposed to me...and he told his mom that he did so... She immediately asked "Where did you get the ring?" He replied "Tiffanys." She then said, "Oh Josh...I could have helped you find a cheaper one." :roll:
I've just learned to live with her "quirks."
Re: let the temper tantrums begin... WARNING RANT
I have had to deliver a few babies in the back of our units and let me tell you those poor moms had some strict rules as to whom could come in the back with us.
YOU are the one going thru this and YOU will be the one deciding regardless of their reaction. It's a shame that they have to put you thru the extra stress of having to deal with them. Had it been me(or some of the unexpected early parents that we have had) I would have told them, that stricktly because of their reaction they can now wait until such and such time to see anything.
These people are full grown, mature adults for craps sake. They are lucky you are being so patient with them. Had I been around or been treating you and I guarantee you, you would have all the privacy you wanted.
You have your own family now so you make decisions with your husband. Maybe those in-laws have adjusted to do their decisions with all members of fam and marvel why you don't accept it. Or then your mother-in-law haven't adapted to the fact that your husband is a "big boy" with his own family now.
Try to hold your horses and bear it. Be cosy for your in-laws but don't change your mind if they ask it. Sometimes people are embarrasing but maybe your in-laws'll give up in some day.
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