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xxEmilyxx 02-15-2012 08:46 PM

Is it worth a shot? or sell him?
I have a 14 yr Thoroughbred that I've had for about a year now. He is an ex-racehorse. We've never really had much of a connection from the beginning...I really just wanted a horse and he was the only one that my mom really liked. So I bought him.

The thing I've discovered though is that he really prefers men over women...I don't really know how to describe it but he just responds a lot better to men and looks a lot happier. Maybe he was treated well at the racetrack?

Anyway, I found a barn right down the street from me that I never knew about! I could even take the bus there after school. The barn he's at now is 45 minutes away. I can only get out there on the weekends. I've wanted to try Parelli/Clinton Anderson methods for a while now, but I feel like a relationship or trust with him really can't really be built when I can only see him once a week. If I moved him here, I'd be able to see him nearly every day.

I just want to know if I should sell him to a man where he'd probably do his best, or try and build a relationship with him? Can I ever even have a bond with him since he prefers men?

Thanks :)

loveshorses79 02-15-2012 09:00 PM

is it worth a shot? or sell him?
I don't think you should sell him. My grandma's neighbor had a Tennessee walker that didn't like men AT ALL. He would always pen his ears back and try to bite whenever her neighbor (a man) would go near him. He didn't give up on her though. He slept in her stall for two nights on a cot and spent a few days just hanging out withing a few feet of her. He didn't try to ride her or even touch her. He would just talk softly to her now and then. Three or four days into it she came to him on her own and they were best buddies after that. She was even more tolerant of other men that came by their place.So don't give up yet. You should, however, move your horse closer so that you can build your bond. I know you probably can't sleep in his stall or maybe not even spend the whole day hanging by his side but I still believe if you just spend some time just talking to her and being around him he will come around. You never know he may end up being the best horse you'll ever have!! Good luck and let me know how it goes!

sierrams1123 02-16-2012 06:07 AM

Try moving him first and working with him more and see if that changes anything.

gypsygirl 02-16-2012 06:45 AM

i would not give up on him ! my sisters tb loves men too, but that doesnt stop them from getting along.

Joe4d 02-16-2012 07:22 AM

sorry I dont buy that, likes men, likes women, stuff people say about horses. He probably does better around men you see because they are a bit more forceful and project leadership. Whereas you are timid around him.
I have seen the opposite quite often, the wives ride, groom, handle and discipline the horses all the time, the husband is afraid of them and never messes with them. So anytime the man has to mess with the horse it acts up and gets away with it. So the owners start saying, "she doenst like men".
More likely the horse needs to learn disciplin and to respect you as a leader. Quite a few trainers are good at doing this. Julie Goodnight's "Lead line leadership" DVD is where I would start. and yes working with horse a few times a week is way better. especially since it is on your bus route and you dont have to bum a ride.

OwnedByAlli 02-16-2012 07:49 AM

Being able to spend more time with your horse will build up the bond you are looking for. Don't give up on him. Alli was difficult to bond with at first. She loved poeple but didn't want to accept any particular one as 'her human'. I spent tonnes of time with her and she sees me completly differently to other humans now :D

PaintCowgirl 02-16-2012 02:12 PM

my newest project Snowbird is a spotted draft and she prefers "men" over me anyday. she was also amish broke and then driven by a man and then i got her. i am forceful and dominant and do not let her get away with anything. we arent bonding as fast as i thought we would but by no means do i think it isnt something we can overcome. i actually just got the Seven Games and will be starting with that. i have been working with her for over a month now and have seen a slight improvement. do not give up. some horses, just like some humans, trust slow!!

i agree with everyone though, spend a lot of "un intentional" time with her. just being around her. the sleeping in the stall works. its crazy and you wont really "sleep" the first night but ive slept in many stalls and noticed a difference.(Snowbird is currently not stalled due to my older horses being in because of the cold). just hang out in the pasture. grab a good horsie book and a chair and sit in her pasture. horses are naturally curious and she is bound to wonder why you are camped in her pasture!

good luck

xxEmilyxx 02-17-2012 02:44 PM

Thanks so much guys...I really want to stay with him...I've had him for a year now & I don't want to start all over with a new horse. I'm going to try and convince my parents to let me keep him!! ;) and I'm definitely going to try some of the exercises you guys suggested!!!!

BoldComic 02-27-2012 12:30 AM

Glad to hear you are going to stick with it. If everyone sold a horse they didn't instantly bond with there would be a lot of horses for sale. It's funny, because, even after you've bonded and you've ridden hundreds of miles/hours together you will still have days when you feel totally disconnected from each other. Like you have no idea what each other are thinking. He'll come around. He just needs to learn to trust you and look to you for companionship. Keep posting how things are going.

kjr5horses 02-27-2012 11:32 AM

Read Dancing with Horses. Klaus Hempfling is amazing.

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