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DuffyDuck 02-21-2012 07:21 AM

Respecting our elders.
Just some food for thought.. and wanting all views, comments, debates

It occured to me, the other day, that I have only ever once back chatted to a riding instructor. My trainer told me to tap Duffy on the shoulder with the whip, and I refused. Due to her reaction a previous time, I was too petrified to do it. So I wouldn't. She told me to get off the horse and put her away. I apologised and the next time I rode, I did tap her on the shoulder and we had no more problems.

I've been watching some of the students at my yard, adult and children alike. And I am shocked, at times, at the attitude some of the riders have.
No one ever said riding was easy, but the way they talk back to the instructor makes my mouth gape!

This only happens with one of the trainers... he's too soft for his own good ;) Do that to Ingrid and she'll walk out on you.

But have you found the same? I watched once as this girl 'but'ted and 'why should I' the whole ride.

Where as I understand they are paying customers and there are limits to what you can say/do I have a lot of respect for my trainers, and if need something clarifying, or I'm confused or nervous about doing something, they're not unapproachable.

I taught a lesson last week, two young girls, who are neat budding riders and have been at the yard for a long time. But as the normal instructor was away they thought it wsa play time. I have to earn their respect too, but when I call out instructions, I shouldn't have to then shout them because they're too busy yacking half way through the lesson.

Just curious on first hand experiences as a rider, instructor, or viewed ;)

mildot 02-21-2012 08:05 AM

I have forbidden my daughter to whine, complain, or ask "why should I do X" during riding lessons.

MHFoundation Quarters 02-21-2012 08:15 AM

Duffy, I think sadly, that disrespect in general has become more commonplace these days. I see it happening in all aspects of life. I'm always amazed at behavior of children (and many parents) when we attend my daughter's school functions. I'm also floored by behavior of parents & children at many of the 4-H shows I judge. Had one mom chew me after not pinning her daughter first in a horsemanship class (in which she blew both leads on the rail and one in her pattern) The mom's argument to me (in front of her child) was "How in the *blank* did someone's backyard 4-H pet beat my daugher on her 15k horse?" Really lady, really?

In the past couple of years I have asked 3 lesson students not to return for the types of things you mentioned. I simply told them and their parents if they don't want to pay attention & try to do what's asked and backtalk instead, they are wasting my time and their parents money. When one parent emphatically thanked me for it, the student responded to her father with a string of disrepectful words including the f bomb. I was floored and VERY thankful I'd asked her not to return.

For me, I have too many students who appreciate my time and want to learn to bother dealing with those who don't.

SocietyJoe 02-21-2012 08:17 AM

Mum has always told me to respect my instructors, they are trying to help me learn, and all they ask in return is my full attenion.

There was one time when I was on my little pony, and he was playing up so badly, I didn't feel like the instructor was helping, and well I thought she kept butting in, so I yelled at her, quite rudely and she was gobsmacked. Of course my Mum heard all about this and after my lesson, she took me into the car and had 'a word' with me, I have never seen her so mad and I remember feeling so embarrased, I was banned from riding untill I learned to respect the enviroment.

I have now learnt to respect the riding world, if I see someone yelling at their parents at a show, or their instructor in a lesson I always ask my self 'would be like that if my mum hadn't taught me a lesson? lucky she had!

Cruiser 02-21-2012 08:17 AM

I admit that I question some riding instructors, but never without reason, if they ask me to do something that is one thing, yelling at me and never explaining how I'm suppose to do something is another. I've done little lateral work how do you expect me know how to do X? I did dismount mid lesson and refuse to pay when a quest instructor came and started bad mouthing me in front of twenty or so people, saying I was stupid and can't ride, I said she was to shut up or forget about her money, she didn't I left. Never once did she explain how to do anything she expected you to read her mind.

I am an adult though, not a kid and to me age doesn't mean you know everything, sometimes it is a excuse on your behalf (yes I have used it before). It doesn't make whipping a horse right, forgetting to never do your horses feet, you have to think for yourself sometimes.

mildot 02-21-2012 08:29 AM


Originally Posted by MHFoundation Quarters (Post 1371204)
When one parent emphatically thanked me for it, the student responded to her father with a string of disrepectful words including the f bomb.

It's the parents' fault for raising little dirtbags like that. Those are the kids that will grow up to be dysfunctional adults that can't keep a good paying job and eventually will run into someone who will not take kindly to disrespect and may lose some teeth in the process.

DuffyDuck 02-21-2012 08:36 AM

I wrote a lovely long reply, and then my computer crashed. I have no respect for my computer at this moment in time grrr, so will re write once I've calmed down and I've read through other posts!

Thanks for all the replies, however :)

MHFoundation Quarters 02-21-2012 08:45 AM

Don't smash your pc Duffy. We'd miss you.

I've got no problem with students questioning methods, ideals or what I've asked them to do as long as it's valid concern (they don't feel ready) or looking to further learning. That type of discussion allows me to help them work through things but backtalk doesn't work for me. I tell students up front that there will be things asked of them that may not be comfortable with the first few times and that's okay but I'll never ask anything of a student that I don't feel they can handle.

DuffyDuck 02-21-2012 08:52 AM

Awh- I feel wanted! I have my laptop at home though, however thats dying on me!

That is another thing.
My trainer puts me out of my comfort zone at times, but only when she thinks I am capable of doing things.

She's a hard faced, no messing woman who has a heart of gold. But don't mess her around.
She has no time for 'mimis'.. wusses, basically. Her other half teaches the kids, she teaches more advanced lessons... however she knows me well enough that I am not messing when I say that if Duffy stays for longer, I will not jump her under saddle- its too much for me, and I'll hurt us both.

I rode later in the evening a few weeks back, a girl was having a lesson. She has basic control in w/t but was trying to get out of riding and turned her small horse in to Duffy a few times. Thankfully, Duffy either didn't notice (silly pony!) or wasn't bothered (thinking this is more it ;)) and she was told to get off.
We all have bad days, but when you purposely try and be disruptive...

My first riding instructor put the fear of god in me! What we were told to do, we did- no ifs buts hows when nos. You did it, or you left the barn for good!

Saddlebag 02-21-2012 08:56 AM

It's never been an issue altho before I ask something of a rider, I will explain why we are doing it. And I encourage dialog. Only once have I felt the urge to yell and strangle someone and it was an adult student. The ones who rode as children/teens, then get away from it for 20 years are the hardest to work with. During the lesson they often think back to what or how they did something way back when instead of focusing on what I am trying to teach them. I was at a show and a mother was assisting her two tween daughters fill out form for the next show. She calmly sat and endured the most disrespectul remarks from both girls who seemed to have been sired by Satan. Bystanders were somewhat horrified.

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