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starrylake 03-19-2012 09:59 PM

Cant understand my daughter
 
Hello,

I just joined this forum, in hopes to get some advice from other horse owning mothers. Me and my husband have 3 kids, and raise a few reining horses and run a boarding facility. Were pretty low key, we like to keep things drama free and simple. So anyways, my oldest is 15 and shes confusing me lately :???:. She started riding at a young age, and by about 8 we started putting her on quite reining horses, she hated it... terribly. Even though she had riding experience she didn't like the speed and quickness at all, so then she leased a pony and joined 4-H, started out just doing walk/trot and halter. Then when she turned 11 we bought her a finished western pleasure mare and shes been showing her competitively for the past 4 years. She did 4-H, Pinto Circuit and some open shows threw out the years. The main reason we wanted her to join 4h was to make friends that also showed western pleasure, since me nor my husband are really interested or knowledged in showing wp. Sadly, she only made 1 friend who did wp, and she is older than my daughter and will be moving out of state this fall for college. So now my daughter has lost interest in wp and the slow stuff and wants to try speed eventing (ie: barrel racing/poles). All her other friends do speed events, and i feel like since her only wp friend is leaving she feels like she won't have anybody to ride with (because you know mom and dad arent cool enough for her :wink:). Anyways, my husband owns a 12 year old gelding, that we just basically use for ponying, trails, ranch work etc. We figured he would be the easiest to learn the feel of speed on, she's been riding him for about 2 weeks now and she just acts like hes to hot headed. Once again.. she seems afraid of the speed, im just clueless, i don't know what to do to encourage her not to get tense and nervous. In all honesty, hes not really a hot gelding, he likes to go, but whenever he speeds up his canter or anything shes instantly hitting the brakes on him. I guess my problem is i dont know why shes so scared, in all her years of riding shes never had a bad fall. Never got seriously hurt under saddle, so in my mind im not exactly sure what makes her feel afraid. When i try to talk to her she just says she believes she will fall off?? My daughter has a good seat, and is balanced, she looks fine in the saddle, i honestly think its just mind over matter. She has had a mentor and lessons, nothing seems to work. How is she suppose to do speed events if she doesn't even like a faster lope?? Im afraid to push her, because then i feel like she just wont want to ride at all. Right now she is doing walk/trot around barrels, however my hubbys gelding isn't a barrel racer, and my husband doesn't want him to become one either.

Ok, so now on to what i've been given as advice, everybody says get an old experienced barrel racer that can show her the ropes without her feeling like shes losing control. The problem is, i don't want to buy a horse thats near retirement, because im worried this is just a phase she will overcome within a few months. Then i just have another horse not being used because she once again "upgraded", we already put the wp mare up for sale since she doesn't even ride her anymore, and i actually had a boarder keep her in shape over the winter in exchange for costs cut on board. What should i do here?? She's already looking at horses for sale, im 100% if she wants to do barrel racing, thats not a problem but shes not grasping the fact that barrel racing is extreme speed. I've taken her to open speed shows, shown her videos, i even had her reading up on the dangers and demands a rider undergoes to barrel race. Yet shes still determined, but at the same time doesnt seem to want to push herself at all to succeed in this discipline. It would break my heart to just tell her to quit and that shes not going to go anywhere with this since she can't even gallop under saddle :cry:. Any advice?

calicokatt 03-19-2012 10:04 PM

It took me until the day before my parents sold my pony (23 years ago) to finally have to confidence to open him up and run. I trained that pony myself, and yet there was just something about speed that scared me. I don't think there was much that anyone could have done to help, either. I had to decide on my own that I was ready, and when I finally did, OMG IT WAS AWESOME!!! She may never want to run, but if she ever truly does, she will.
Kathy

starrylake 03-19-2012 10:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by calicokatt (Post 1415214)
It took me until the day before my parents sold my pony (23 years ago) to finally have to confidence to open him up and run. I trained that pony myself, and yet there was just something about speed that scared me. I don't think there was much that anyone could have done to help, either. I had to decide on my own that I was ready, and when I finally did, OMG IT WAS AWESOME!!! She may never want to run, but if she ever truly does, she will.
Kathy

Thank you for your input.

I hope she can let go of her fear and just let loose, i remember when i first started reining, the adrenaline rush became an addiction. I think she sees the fun other people have doing these kind of disciplines and she wants to join in that excitement to. I just don't put pressure on her because im afraid it will back fire.

cakemom 03-19-2012 10:15 PM

For an entire year I paid for lessons where my daughter cried while mounting, at 11. She was scared, and openly admitted it, but was dying to ride.
I then put it all in her hands. We acquired a rescue horse, and she poured all her fears into that horse. I made that horse HERS, feeding, cleaning, groundwork training, and continued lessons on her schoolmaster barn pony. As her confidence grew of her own accord, her fears died. One day I looked out, and she was cantering circles and jumping a small jump, the child who had been crying. NOW, 2 years later, she's cantering that green rescue horse, jumping her and telling her how it's gonna be!! Long story short, it's up to her to own it, put the tools there, and give her the responsibility. It will come or she just doesn't want it bad enough.
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sandy2u1 03-19-2012 10:17 PM

It really sounds like to me that your daughters only interest in horses is for social reason. I absolutely would not buy her another horse. If anything at all, I would do lessons.

I am also concerned about the message you are sending your daughter. When she got tired of her wp horse and quit riding, you basically paid someone else to do it. Kids need to learn to take responsibility for their animals. When your daughter did not have her friend at 4h, she completely left her horse. If I were you, I'd make your daughter start coming to the barn and taking care of her horse. Animals are not dispensable and your daughter needs to learn that. If your daughter had to clean up after her horse, feed and ride the horse even when it wasn't a social engagement, I think she would have a whole different attitude.

Make her clean her stall, clean, groom and ride her horse. You will see a different attitude.

Casey02 03-19-2012 10:26 PM

It sounds like she gets to do whatever she wants, and doesnt see a horse as an animal but rather a thing, I would start with barrel lessons to see if she has got what it takes and go from there. I dont like the fact that she gets to go through horses like they are nothing. I work my butt off to get my first horse at 16 and that is all i wanted. What happens once she gets her licence, is she still going to want a horse still?? It sounds like she wants to do speed events because other kids do. What happens when they quit those too...

starrylake 03-19-2012 10:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sandy2u1 (Post 1415246)
It really sounds like to me that your daughters only interest in horses is for social reason. I absolutely would not buy her another horse. If anything at all, I would do lessons.

I am also concerned about the message you are sending your daughter. When she got tired of her wp horse and quit riding, you basically paid someone else to do it. Kids need to learn to take responsibility for their animals. When your daughter did not have her friend at 4h, she completely left her horse. If I were you, I'd make your daughter start coming to the barn and taking care of her horse. Animals are not dispensable and your daughter needs to learn that. If your daughter had to clean up after her horse, feed and ride the horse even when it wasn't a social engagement, I think she would have a whole different attitude.

Make her clean her stall, clean, groom and ride her horse. You will see a different attitude.

I do not disagree, i just thought with her being so young it was vital she social with people interested in her riding discipline. I do feel like she thinks mom is some kind of a black portal of never ending money she can just spend and spend every time she wants something new. I wasn't raised spoiled, and i had to work for everything i got, i guess i just wanted my children to enjoy what i never got to, in the end it might be getting out of control. Don't get me wrong, she isn't a bad child, but she is really shy, and emotional. So i just kind of lean in to her ways sometimes, however i made it clear were not going to see any horses to purchase. My husband just keeps poking the lion with this situation, and makes crude jokes about how her 8 year old brother can ride better than her, it really does not help anything :-x

Casey02 03-19-2012 10:27 PM

Then you end up with a barrel horse you have just purchased. She isnt happy with what she is getting, that would have not gone over good with my parents back in the day

Casey02 03-19-2012 10:30 PM

Ohhhh they hubby shouldnt say that to his daughter :( that isnt helping at all, thats probably why she want to do speed events in the first place! Sounds like a girl i know, they just got a horse and everything and she isnt even grateful for it, she is already thing about her future barrel horse (may i remind you she is 13) and she cant even slow gallop on her WP mare she has, who has a rocking chair lope

starrylake 03-19-2012 10:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Casey02 (Post 1415278)
Then you end up with a barrel horse you have just purchased. She isnt happy with what she is getting, that would have not gone over good with my parents back in the day

My parents would be the same way, you got what you got back in my day. My mother (her grandmother) thinks she needs therapy because she is to shy and very sensitive. I thought joining 4h and making friends would help her break out of that, in which it did some what.


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