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KGolden 04-11-2012 10:28 PM

How do you keep your cool ?
I don't get overly frustrated with the mare I lease . My barn owner specifically put me on her because she was a pain . And of course, it was a rocky beginning . But some days she goes back to her old self and some days I'm not prepared to deal with it or her for that matter . I love her to death but some days I wish she understood English..

And another problem . The other boarders at my barn . We're all basically teenage girls . And just as mares don't really play nice with other mares, we girls don't play nice either . Yes, it's sweet of you to offer advice . But do not force your opinions on me . Do not make up arguments to make yoursel look better and don't make me look like a bad person when I can do something you cannot . I do everything for everyone, yet In completely aware of everything anyone says . A boarder owns a mare who has kicked two stable hands . Hard . Not little baby kicks, Im talking rib cracking kicks . No I'm not afraid but I AM NOT putting MY head within kicking range, and she gets mad at me for it and complains , yet she constantly asks of my horse kicks on trails..

Here's my question . How do you all keep your cool ? The barn is supposed to be my happy place and lately I dread going and usually end up crying on my way home .

Sorry for ranting but no one really understands my dilemma but horse people .
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RoosHuman 04-11-2012 10:30 PM

LOTS and lots of riding time... lol!!!

chandra1313 04-11-2012 10:41 PM

Girls can be their own worst enemy sometimes, we take stuff too seriously sometimes. If I know I'm probably going to have a bad day doing something, before I do it, I tell myself over and over, I'm not going to give in to my negative feelings. I listen to some happy music, admire how nice the day is outside, I tell myself things could be worse. If there is a negative side to it like this mare is driving me mad then I would say something like, once I conquer her I will be a better horsewoman. If that girl ask me, does your horse kick out on trails I'm just going to say no and think happy thoughts. Sometimes you have to have a plan for your negative thoughts so they don't rule you, you rule them. Just my opinion. ;-)

DrumRunner 04-11-2012 10:50 PM

Kill them with kindness..that truly irritates the mean girls more than you just arguing with them and letting them get to you. Just hold your head high and know that you're better off just ignoring their comments.. If push comes to shove just say "I appreciate your concern and opinion, but its not needed. That is just your opinion and when I want advice I'll ask for it. Thanks!"..always have a big smile and maybe add a wink..You'll look professional to those around you and the other girls will soon figure out that they aren't going to get you to sink to their level... Remember that girls feed off of drama, and teenage "horse" girls are truly worse than others..laugh..Just remember to stay classy.

oh vair oh 04-11-2012 10:52 PM

The thing is, you can't keep your feelings bottled up, or else you'll just stress yourself out. The secret is to respond assertively and fairly, without getting emotional. Be clear about your intentions and talk in a level, yet strong tone. Don't say anything unprovoked. But if someone has the audacity to ask you a stupid question, you can either deal with the stress of biting your tongue, or be clear and confident in yourself. It's scary, but it's how I deal with people I can't stand. Example:

Idiot A: Why are you afraid of my horse? I love her, and therefore she is a nice horse and would never kick anyone because I am an expert trainer and you are just being a coward. You can't even train your horse right.

You: I do not trust your horse. I do not handle your horse. I respect the space of the horse. I am learning, but I am doing the best I can. I do not want your advice, I am here to enjoy the time I have with my horse.

It's being mature, direct, and adult-like. Not being a pushover, not apologizing, but also being very calm and level-headed. You need to show people how you expect to be treated, and that you will not be a part of their immature drama. It is scary at first, but I have learned that people will respect you more if you know how to handle your words. I promise you will feel more confident and better than keeping things stewing every day.

KGolden 04-11-2012 11:16 PM


Originally Posted by oh vair oh (Post 1450382)
The thing is, you can't keep your feelings bottled up, or else you'll just stress yourself out..

That's exactly why I posted it . My "best friend" who rides with me is friends with that girl and repeats anything I say so I choose not to vent to her . I admit I keep things on the back burner till it boils over but there's no one I can trust anymore . And the worst part ? I had convinced this boarder to move here thinking she had changed.. Clearly I was wrong . People talk about everyone at my barn . And I mean everyone . I don't say anything and I don't repeat anything .

I come to the barn with a positive outlook everyday . I'm a schemer in a good way . I always have a plan on something I can improve on . But that's usually ruined by the horse or by other people . I've taken to riding alone more often mostly because I can focus and enjoy myself more . I shouldn't be angry at the horse, she's given me much more than I could've asked for and is the best listener . I do chores to get rid of my anger . When I'm angry I need to move or use my hands for something constructive (like not choking them)..

Thank you everyone for the kind words and I'll try to use them and hopefully things will change . Or it's going to be a LONG summer ..
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AlexS 04-12-2012 12:03 AM

When I get frustrated with my horse I take him back to something I know he can do and then stop. I spend the rest of the time grooming or doing other things.

As far as the teen girls, I just avoided them at my last barn. I wasn't good at deal with that stuff as a teen and I have not improved terribly much as I have aged.

soenjer55 04-12-2012 12:30 AM

My horse, Gerronimo, is the biggest test of patience I have ever encountered. I have a temper, so when I blow up, I REALLY blow up... This makes things difficult. I have learned that if you let yourself take your frustration out, it will get worse. Give an inch, you take a mile... What works for me is breathing. It may sound kind of dumb, but let me tell you- if you're frustrated, just stop whatever the heck you're doing- saddling, bridling, trotting, jumping, whatever. Stop what you're doing, and take a deep breath. Don't continue until you're completely calm and can deal with your horse rationally. Your horse will feel this change, and it will also help the horse- when you center yourself, and act calmly, your horse will eventually stop and think, 'wait a minute. She's not freaked out, why am I?'
As for the people problem, I say do the same thing- breathe, stay calm, and ignore them. Be kind, do what's right no matter the frustration or anger, and eventually, they will notice this. It may not be instantaneous, but eventually, your calm, kind ways will make the people think about things, and either leave you alone, seeing that they can't bother you, or be friendlier.
Dealing with people is a lot like dealing with horses. ;)

As for keeping the emotions bottled up, DON'T! I do that too, and it's horrible. Which is why my little breathing thing helps- it doesn't shove the emotions away, it slowly gets rid of them, if that makes sense. :)

missarizona 04-12-2012 12:54 PM

Urgh i hate yard bitchyness hence why i went for a yard that has me and 1 other person on it.

I think everyone has their own way of dealing with things, where as i would call out my 'best friend' if she was releying to someone everytihng i said others would let it go

nvr2many 04-12-2012 01:04 PM


Originally Posted by chandra1313 (Post 1450353)
Sometimes you have to have a plan for your negative thoughts so they don't rule you, you rule them. Just my opinion. ;-)

I love this, its one I need to remember daily!

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