To put it shortly: My health is a sucks.
So.. A few members know my of health problems and that I've struggled with it in the past. Now everything is starting to become a huge problem again..I just want to see if there is anyone else on the forum even experiencing a few of the things I am.. This may be long and a slight rant..Sorry!
I am 23 years old and I have Epilepsy, Autoimmune Urticaria, and a different assortment of issues as well..
I had Meningitis when I was 10..Which caused the Epilepsy, and then the Epilepsy just escalated from there. I have Chronic or Absence Seizures, basically, if you don't know what to look for and know me, you won't be able to tell I'm having a seizure unless they are really severe. I tighten up all of my muscles, can't breath, and lose control of my body. It usually lasts around a minute or so and then I come out of it and I'm back to normal. If the seizures are really severe I'll do it repeatedly..Normally one seizure every three minutes for a few hours or unless I go to the ER and they drug me to get them to stop..Which is never fun..My seizures are also nocturnal, they are only triggered while I'm asleep. Why? We're not sure..I've looked into have seizure surgery and have been through many tests for the surgery but at my last appointment in Augusta with the neurosurgeon we found out that the "area" in my brain my seizures trigger in is closely tied in with vision, hearing, fine motor skills, speech..So surgery is a no go for now. It's too much of a risk..So yeah..stuck with seizures..They will only get worse with age, and my medicine dosages will only increase as my body becomes immune to the medication..
The autoimmune disorder has developed in the last year, two dermatologists and an allergist have determined that I brought it on myself because I stay so stressed out and try to do too much and more than my body can handle..Go figure..Basically, my body produces too many white blood cells and when I get stressed my body thinks that it's getting sick or being "attacked" so I just burst out in welts and having an allergic reaction. Big itchy spots, swelling, throat swelling..Fun stuff..Insert sarcasm there.. Anyway, between the stress from the seizures, which I've been having recent problems with from stress, I keep having these allergic reactions..daily, usually three or four times..Whenever I start having an allergic reaction I have to eat Benadryl like Skittles and take a hot shower to get the hives to go away..Still continues to happen..
I'm also a very unhealthy person when it comes to my eating habits.. I eat horrible.. I'm 5'3", 97lbs and cannot keep weight on for anything..laugh, I'm a hard keeper..Even though I eat all day..I am so stressed now that I have to force myself to eat. My body thinks it would be fine to eat once or twice a day and my mind disagrees..
Before I get to the end of my story (Yesterday's adventure) I should tell you that the past month has been the month from HELL..I had a pretty normal life a month ago..horses, family, boyfriend, friends, work, college..Then the bottom fell out and left me on my head.. My mom got thrown in jail because she's an idiot, I had to move to SC to help my aunt with my little sister because my aunt got custody of Sister when mom was in jail..Sister is having a really hard time with it and other problems..She's a very depressed and non active 13 year old.. Aunt is stressed, Sister is stressed..and I'm the strong one..Who listens to it all and takes care of everyone.. Now, my WHOLE life is in GA..All I have here from my "life" is Chloe.. I had to leave my horses and everything at my dad's..THEN Boyfriend of 6 years and I split up because I start getting bitchy towards him and taking things out on him and I know I shouldn't..We still talk every few days but it's not the same.. We are slowly trying to piece back together our relationship after I tore it to pieces.... So here I have zero people to talk to except a few friends on the phone, Facebook, or my few buddies on the forum.. That said..Because of everything turning me upside down lately I am a COMPLETE and total train wreck of emotions, stress, and anxiety..I'm upset because I had to leave my life there, I had to give up barrel racing and the last half of the season, I had to give up being Overall Champion in my association, give up State Championships for the year..Just everything.. I can't even SEE my horses, let alone ride.. and this was MY year, I had everything going for me.. Now..I'm just angry all of the time..
Then yesterday happens.. I wake up at around 4a.m. having seizures, I took my medicine and they finally stopped around an hour later..Wake up again around 8 feeling horrible, just very sickly feeling..get up to go take a shower and realize I'm having an allergic reaction because I was stressed about the seizures..Go turn the shower on and walk back in my room to get clothes while the water is getting hot and BAM.. to the floor I go.. Dizzy, hot, cold, sweating, crying, lose my vision, scared to death of something..Just a mess..I had NO clue what happened.. It's a few minutes later I can finally see again and come to my senses..I still have no clue what happened..I'm covered in sweat and feel sick..I didn't even take a shower..I just went back to my room and called my aunt..She came and got me and we went to the ER..I am talking to the doctor and he just looks at me like I'm a basket case of issues and then announces that I've had a panic attack.. Never had one of those before.. New Issue for Amber!! He then insists I start an antianxiety medicine.. Seriously dude? Do you NOT realize how much medicine I am ALREADY taking...I don't want ANY new medicine that I have to take.. Aunt freaks out, insists I start the medicine and then she and the doctor get together and start talking about me like I'm a science project.. I end up with a new prescription for the anti anxiety medicine AND Xanax.. Xanax?! I don't WANT or NEED Xanax!
So as of right now I'm taking more medicine than I am food..and it freaking SUCKS.. I feel like crap all day because of all of the medicine and my body STILL isn't acting right.. Seizures, autoimmune disorder, and now panic attacks.. What else is going to pile on???
Right now these are the medicines I'm on
Lamictal 200mg 2X a day
Keppra 1500mg 2X a day
Folic Acid once a day
Allegra once a day
Zyrtec once a day
Benadryl like Skittles..Usually around 6 a day.
Pepcid 2X a day.. To "clear the acid" from my stomach so the allergy meds work better
I have to carry an EpiPen with me everywhere.
and let me tell you..Benadryl Children's non-itch cooling gel for allergic reaction itchy welts is the BEST stuff EVER..
Paxil once a day for anxiety issues..
Xanax on hand for emergencies..Yeah right..NOT taking that mess AT ALL.
Vitamic C once a day
Women's One a Day vitamin
I am my own CVS.. and it sucks.. My life was definitely less stressful when I could ride..
Now, if you've read all the way to the end, thank you..You don't have to comment or anything..I just needed to get that out..
*really really long big amazing warm hug*
I read it, and wow. I feel your stress, and I'm not even there. It's thick and suffocating. I know how it feels to be without your horse (s).. it's terrible. You have no way of venting and giving yourself relief and so you're stuck in this smog of crappy feeling.
I wish I could help, that is a lot of pills. I'm so sorry about everything you're going through. I don't think your relationship fell apart because of you. I'm being bold in saying that but honey.. look at what you're experiencing. Yes it's hard for people to understand and it may get really heated at times but you need support. Maybe he's not strong enough as a person to be a good support right now, he might need some time or more experience under his belt. We all have our problems that I know.
But hey, you've got the entire horse forum behind you. We're all here to help, it may seem like nothing because we aren't there physically giving you hugs and cheering you on.. but girl we're screaming from the rafters here, helping you through this.
You're going through a really rough spot right now. It's going to get harder, but you've got to find a way to pull yourself up back on your feet and face this crap head on with all you've got.
You need to find relief, somehow. Maybe see if you can start going to a kickboxing class or a dance class or some little community group for whatever, just so you can .. really take a BREAK from this all.
I hear you on the eating, except I have the opposite problem. I'm forgetting to eat and getting very sick because of it. You eat and eat and eat but don't gain. Maybe try to plan your meals ahead so they are more balanced. Surround yourself with good foods, avoid bad foods. It sounds stupid but that little change alone will help.
Maybe make some shakes with all sorts of good protein powder and fruit and vitamins inside. It's a small meal with a huge punch. Worth looking into :)
Again, so many hugs. You're so stressed and I wish you the best of luck to get some of that stress under control.
Hang in there, fight back
Big, BIG, BIG hugs! That just sounds horrible! Here's hoping that you've hit bottom and are going to be heading up again soon!
<3 I know about the life of medical problems, and family problems. I know how much it sucks. Panic attacks suck, but can be managed. Have you thought of taking up meditation? I know it might sound odd but it might also be a great help to you. Stress is a horrible thing and IMO the root cause of a lot of emotional problems that turn into physical ones.
I'm not saying it'll cure everything, or even anything-- but it can't hurt to try.
Thank you all..I really needed to just get it out there. It's just smothering to keep it all to myself and not have anything to get it out.. It's 2:52 a.m. here and I'm not even close to being tired..My body just isn't working properly..
I've started running more here..I would run a little at home and go to the gym once or twice a week to burn off stress but running has been a nice little escape here..
Maybe you're deficient in something, because that also affects appetite and how you generally feel and perform.
Or you could be overdoing a vitamin or mineral in your body, which also may affect your appetite and how you feel and perform.
The only way to get answers on that is to get tested, which doesn't sound like fun :/ but it would solve some of the mystery.
Or maybe it's due to all the medication :/
I would consider the shakes, they aren't over-filling and they taste good enough to guzzle down or sip.
I'll definitely try the shakes.. A friend said I should start drinking Ensure once a day or so..
Also fresh juice! Buy a juicer and make your own at home. Macro-nutrients are good for you.
I have no advices on how to handle your conditions and riding, but I want to say I'm very sorry for you! I have some issues that came up in last couple years, and there is nothing worse than dealing with something that affects your life. Just be strong and don't give up riding! Hugs!
You are TOO YOUNG to be dealing with all that.. not just the medical issues, but the family issues/stresses (which contribute to the medical issues)..
Geeez .. I'm glad you have a safe place to rant.
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