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-   -   New Office Rules (http://www.horseforum.com/general-off-topic-discussion/new-office-rules-13032/)

Spyder 08-09-2008 06:18 PM

New Office Rules
 
EFFECTIVE AUGUST 1, 2008

NEW OFFICE POLICY

Dress Code:

1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to
your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a
Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially
and therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your
money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and
therefore you do not need a raise.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need
to be and therefore you do not need a raise.



Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof
of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every
effort should be made to have non-employees attend the
funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where
employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be
scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to
allow you to work through your lunch hour and
subsequently leave one hour early.




Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the
stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall
door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your
second offense, your picture will be posted on the
company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders'
category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
sectioned under the company's mental health policy.



Lunch Break:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need
to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a
balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's
all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.


Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here
to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore,
all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,
allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation
and input should be directed elsewhere.


The Management
Pass this on to all who are employed!

:lol: :lol:

Kentucky 08-09-2008 06:56 PM

You or the bosss are trying to kill morale. Good luck kepting your work force, quiting, gerenal poor perfromance will raise. and production will out south.

americancowgurl31391 08-09-2008 07:03 PM

wow thats funny!!!

GeminiJumper 08-09-2008 09:52 PM

LMAO!!!!!!!!!

Hahahaha

Ahh, that's great! Just what I needed tonight!

Pinto Pony 08-10-2008 01:34 AM

Hahaha, I love the meal breaks :lol:

Rachluvshorses4eva 08-10-2008 04:07 AM

Haha, I love the sick days. Very good. Very funny! :lol:

TaMMa89 08-10-2008 08:26 AM

Lmao :lol: ! I wouldn't want to work in this office but the wc-section was fun :wink:

rums_mom 08-11-2008 11:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kentucky
You or the bosss are trying to kill morale. Good luck kepting your work force, quiting, gerenal poor perfromance will raise. and production will out south.

Ahem, hon.......it was meant as a joke! :?

kickshaw 08-11-2008 01:38 PM

hehe - i'm the HR department at work...it would be soooo fun to send this out :twisted:

Brandon 08-11-2008 01:52 PM

"Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the
stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall
door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your
second offense, your picture will be posted on the
company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders'
category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
sectioned under the company's mental health policy
. "

LMAO!!!! what is bolded describes exactly what i would do!!!!

omg thanks spyder, i had the biggest kick out of that!! you just made my day!


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