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angelghost 09-30-2012 05:55 PM

What would you do?? *warning long post*
Right I will warn everyone now this is a long post and will try and put as much detail into the post about the situation as I can.

Right my boyfriend at the time helped me relise my childhood dream of having my own horse and he brought me a horse, we have since split. My mum was struggling paying rent for the yard she rents and said I could keep my horse with her ponies and my 18 year old sisters horse (She dont pay rent ect mum does pays all for her apart from now and then her boyfriend buys stuff for her) As long as i payed rent and pay towards the food for my horse cause there was no point me buying my own food as it would take up space and no point having double feeds there as shes on the same as some of my mums. Im a single parent and looking for work to get more coming in, My mum know says I owe her like 300 (shes brought stuff with out notifying me) and now shes telling me i should send my horse to the collage my sister studies at (which will mean there will only be four days a month I can actually go and see my horse casue i only have 4 days a month where my daughter goes to her dads parents) or sell my horse... Mum has being going on about how im to fat to ride my horse too (she does need more build up on her top line but i ride her once every two weeks and thats if my mum allows me too, My 18 sis rides her a lot to help build her up and even then thats with out them asking me first or again letting me know) I dont even have a key to the gate to the yard or the tack room so I cant do nothing with my horse enless they are there anyway. So mums been really nasty today all because i told her i dont want to send my horse to the collage and i broke down in tears and said i would rather sell her so least im not feeling like im letting my horse down by hardly being able to see her ect and so shes not being wasted and my mum rekons she wont allow me to sell her till i pay her 300 for the stuff shes brought her like extra hay and girths ect she didnt need at the time ect, So i said you can have that money when i sell her so she said or you can just give us your horse and scrap the 300 you owe me and you can ride her next year when you lose weight, Im 12 1/2 stone 5 foot 6, My horse is a dwb 16.2 and her privious owner who had her many years was same height but 15 plus stone and never had any problems. this horse jumps up to 6foot and could possibly go higher and is very high in dressage and also does XC... my boyf at the time payed 1000 for her and my mum said she was worth more than that, she knows privious owner and she was only that price as it was health issues that previous owner has that forced her to sell her.

Im just wondering what other people would do in this situation??

Its breaking my heart big time and its caused many hours of tears too... :'(

Sharpie 09-30-2012 06:52 PM

That sounds like a rough situation all around. How old are you? If you are a parent yourself, it sounds like you're plenty old enough to be running your own life rather than having your family run roughshod over you.

You may need to take a hard look at yourself, your life, and your finances. Can you afford to take care of this horse on your own? If so, it sounds like you need to move her somewhere else, where you can take care of her and ride her as you see fit. If it was me, I'd pay my mom off the money she thinks I owe her over time as I could afford to, just so she couldn't hold that over me any more.

If your mare is a healthy horse, at 16+ she should have no problems carrying your weight. If you cannot afford to take care of this horse, then selling her may well be your best option. I expect that no matter what you decide to do, it will be very dramatic and with much complaint from your family's side. Oh well. You'll have to learn to do what you know needs doing or continue on with the status quo...

FeatheredFeet 09-30-2012 07:22 PM

Hmm! Nothing you have written, sounds good.

You say you are a single mum and seeking work. Who is keeping you now? If you are on government assistance, then you shouldn't be owning a horse. If you have some kind of other income and are well able to take care of your home and child and with money left over, then you should possibly find another yard, in which to stable your horse. Pay that which you owe to your mum and move.

You sound very young. Does the father of your child, help with finances? If not, make sure he does. Your writing suggests the need for more schooling. Sell the horse. Go back to school. Learn a trade. Later, when you have a paying career, you can easily purchase another horse.

You say your horse jumps 6'. Very unusual for the average horse. If indeed this is true, then you should be able to generate a quite good price for him.

I wish you well. Young, single mothers, have a very difficult time these days.


DimSum 09-30-2012 08:20 PM

I'm sorry for your situation, but I have to agree with FeatheredFeet's post. You are a single mother and have a child to raise so selling the horse or if you can't part with her letting your sister take it would free you up from the expense and worry of owning her.

You need to concentrate on supporting yourself and your child, and working on your future financial security. I don't mean to be harsh but you can't have it all sometimes. Work now to secure the future, and then worry about keeping a horse after you've provided for your child.

franknbeans 09-30-2012 08:52 PM

OP-as difficult as it may seem, you have gotten good advice, and right now-the kid(s) are priority 1. I was not a single parent and still had to give up riding until they were a bit older....then I leased for abit. Reassess, reprioritze if necessary and do what you have to do to place family first.

angelghost 10-01-2012 04:51 AM

I dont mean to sound ungreatfull for all you advice ect but I think its a bit out of order some of the things said.

1. My daughter gets everything she needs and always does. She never goes with out what she needs and has all my time and love to. My daughter is NOT missing out on anything just because I have a horse.

2. There are MANY people in the world who dont work but have a horse. Me not working is not my choice and hence now my daughter is at full time school it is giving me more time to find a job to get back to work. Im not just some 'scum' on benifits who is not caring for her daughter cause i have a horse ect.

3. Im 27 years old

4. So yeh my daughter is loved and looked after and feed and watered and bathed and clean and all she should be, im not a bad mum and my horse is the same. Im not the kind to neglect either my daughter or my horse.

What I am saying is that i dont just have a spare 300 sitting in my pocket to give my mum just so she gives me the permision to sell MY horse if thats what I decided to do, and I dont just intend to 'hand over' MY horse to my sister who dont pay for sod all her self, but with my mum not letting me sell her first then give her the money I apparently owe its making the situation difficault as I dont like the situation and I love my horse to bits but trying to do whats best for her but my mum is making that hard but not allowing me to sell her till she gets 300 or just hand my horse to them etc

DimSum 10-01-2012 05:01 AM

No one is implying that you are "scum on benefits", simply that if you don't have the income to have the extra 300 pounds your mother seems to be holding your horse hostage for then perhaps you should reevaluate your priorities. Best of luck whatever you decide to do.

franknbeans 10-01-2012 08:02 AM

Hear what you say, and stand by what I said. Good luck.

wetrain17 10-01-2012 09:12 AM

If your mom is holding that money over your head, then I think you're best option is to sell the horse, use that money to pay your mom back and save for a horse all on your own, no strings attached. It sounds like if you keep this horse, there will always be something she will hold over your head making it more of a hassle than it is worth. Good luck!

themacpack 10-01-2012 09:18 AM

OP, you asked in your thread title, "what would you do" and that is exactly what the people responding to you answered with - very kindly and politely I might add - so there is no reason to respond with venom. Seeing that you are not receptive to honest assessment of the situation I am not going to waste my breath.

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