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franknbeans 10-09-2012 08:43 AM

GRRRRR Sister in laws......VENT!!
 
I am about to do some serious screaming. First-this has been a very tough couple of weeks emotionally. Hubby was just diagnosed with MS-the progressive kind for which there are not treatments, so we are reeling from this. Now, he has told his sisters. Therein lies the issue. One is an MD (surgeon) the other is a nurse (the kind of nurse who has a 50 letter Latin name for every ache and pain, as well as a pill for it). I am also a nurse, but what I would consider a bit more laid back. For example, I did not panic when the nephew stepped on a nail and it bled.....unlike his mom (the nurse) who screamed that "Of COURSE if bled-he hit an artery!!" (ummm is there even one by the 4th toe???)

Anyway, now they are second guessing every decision hubby and I make. For some reason they seem to think they can have input into our lives now. We are struggling to stay positive in spite of all of all the questions with respect to what the future holds. We had already booked a safari to Kenya next spring. WE are both very excited about it, and frankly, it gives us something to look forward to. Now they are suggesting we cancel.:shock:

They emailed my hubby this am already and suggested it.....not me, mind you-I think they know I would tell them to go fly.......They are well intentioned, yes, but at some point he (not me, I am biting my tongue bloody!) will have to tell them to back off. He has already tried once, as the nurse has booked for he and she to go to a seminar on MS together....without me.....!! We immediately got another ticket. We have only been married 30+ yrs......both of them are divorced....I think I may know why.:wink:

Thanks for the vent.......back to biting my tongue. GRRRRRR.

Cacowgirl 10-09-2012 09:15 AM

Sorry that you are having to go through this. The diagnosis is bad enough, but who needs family members giving you directives. It will have to come from your husband not you that you are making your own plans on dealing w/this. I wish you luck.

Saddlebag 10-09-2012 09:51 AM

I'd be asking hubby whom he wants to live with because it could be arranged. He needs to step up to the plate and tell his family to back off. Ask the others if they plan on being his primary caregiver when the time comes as they seem to be wanting to take over. That might be enough to get them to back off as it will suddenly put their lives in upheaval. I hope you enjoy your Kenya trip and all that good sunshine. Frankn, if you two head off to Kenya his sisters lose control. Have a great time, you need it.

MHFoundation Quarters 10-09-2012 10:14 AM

I am so sorry to hear about your hubby's diagnosis. I can't imagine how tough that is in itself let alone with the pushy sisterly involvement. I agree with others, DH needs to put his foot down with them. If not, you do have plenty of boots (to put in their rear ends) right?

Your trip sounds amazing and something you both deserve to enjoy. Send the sisters postcards.

franknbeans 10-09-2012 10:27 AM

haha-he is, gently, tho.......for some reaosn the women in his family have always been "easily upset"......so DH grew up with dad handling the girls (mom included) with kid gloves. They were only told part of the truth when it came to anything. Thankfully, we have overcome this, as I MUST know the truth-good, bad-whatever-I need the facts to deal.

And yes-I have pointy boots, but I also have some really big spurs.......;-)

I may have to take them to Kenya-the MD is talking about joining us. 8-/ (yes the one we partially support, which will be ending-like yesterday.)

Saddlebag 10-09-2012 05:10 PM

It took me a long time to realize what a sofa was far. I tho't it was for company or watching tv. Wrong, it's where men go to sleep when he doesn't listen to wifey. My dad spent a few nights there. He was 6'3 and I'd always wondered why we had such a long couch.

Whisper22 10-10-2012 12:56 AM

Boy do I know all about the issues sister- in- laws bring. I too have three, and describing them as emotional would be an understatement. I recently took it upon myself to write an email to one who had deeply offended me. The result was a midnight phone call to her mother through uncontrollable sobbing. I think she may have overreacted a touch, seeing as the email was not meant to be some kind of hurtful revenge. I simply expressed how she had made me feel and how I didn't think I deserved what she had said to me. Anyway, DH feels he needs to coddle them, which just doesn't work for me. Acting as if the way they treat me doesn't bother him, out of fear they might cry, only results in a very unhappy wife at home.

I'm sorry, your situation is much more serious than just bitchy in-laws. Men are clueless though. You might have to be the one who speaks up. Even when DH thought he was handling it, I would have to break it to him that he wasn't doing a very good job.

Chiilaa 10-10-2012 02:18 AM

If one of my brothers was diagnosed with something so horrible as MS, I would be doing the exact same they are doing. Because what they are doing is not trying to piss you off. They are grieving. Both of them have medical knowledge, which is a two edged sword. On one hand, it is good, because they understand the implications and the treatment. On the other, it is bad, because they understand the severity. If it were me, I would be clinging to my brother, because regardless of how long he had been married, I loved him first. Their "suggestions", while maybe not working for you and him, are probably their way of coping. They aren't trying to piss you off, or to piss him off. To cut them off and tell them to "back off" might be a quick fix, but it doesn't solve the problem. They are grieving for a brother whom they love.

QOS 10-10-2012 02:54 AM

I am so sorry your husband has been diagnosed with this. Chronic illnesses are so hard on everyone. My hubby has Crohns and a head injury...neither have been a picnic and have caused numerous surgeries, procedures, etc.

I also have two sister in laws ...at least yours are educated. My hubby's sisters are both dumber than a box of rocks and act like he is their husband and I am trying to horn in on their party. Oh yay.

I realize your hubby is their brother but wife takes precedence. Brook no argument. I put up with playing second fiddle to his overbearing goofy family for years...no more. Go on the safari without sister tagging along. Y'all need this time of solitude to adjust to this new information. I realize that you are a nurse but the reality of living with someone with chronic issues is a different ball of wax. After putting up with his family acting like I was not in the picture (we just celebrated 30 years of marriage) I finally put my own foot down and told him it is me or them. Ughllllll I would rather not have had to do that but his family is nuttier than a fruitcake - where they got him I don't know as he is pretty normal.

franknbeans 10-10-2012 08:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chiilaa (Post 1713302)
If one of my brothers was diagnosed with something so horrible as MS, I would be doing the exact same they are doing. Because what they are doing is not trying to piss you off. They are grieving. Both of them have medical knowledge, which is a two edged sword. On one hand, it is good, because they understand the implications and the treatment. On the other, it is bad, because they understand the severity. If it were me, I would be clinging to my brother, because regardless of how long he had been married, I loved him first. Their "suggestions", while maybe not working for you and him, are probably their way of coping. They aren't trying to piss you off, or to piss him off. To cut them off and tell them to "back off" might be a quick fix, but it doesn't solve the problem. They are grieving for a brother whom they love.

Chillaa-The one who i an MD is not as much of an issue as the one who is the nurse. Understand clearly-I am also a nurse. This particular sister has so many "issues" because of guilt...we have no idea where it has come from, but we dealt with it when my father in law was ill and dying. To the point where she tried to control when he died. It was all about her and when she could be there. Bottom line is-this is about my husband. It is about helping him deal with a devastating disease, and if she is pushing him too hard-she WILL hear from me. Period. This is not about her-or, frankly their mom, who is the same way. Keep in mind that the day after my dear father in law was diagnosed with cancer she had death and dying and hospice pamphlets in the mail. We have enough on our plates without being concerned that she is going to second guess our decisions or have her feelings hurt. Attitude is everything, and we are trying our best to stay positive. She needs to stop with her negativity.


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