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Puddintat 10-14-2012 06:10 PM

Stressful Riding with Mom
 
I can't believe that I am 32 years old and still fight with my mother. Is this normal?

We decided to take both boys (Dancer and Ranger) for a little stroll down the street. There is a spot on the road that has new construction. Dancer was acting dumb and not going over it, even though he's been over it several times. Since Dancer wasn't going over neither was Ranger. I told my mom to please wait and give me some room so that I could get him across. Every time I have to get him to get through something I ask for some space so this isn't a new request. I ask this because Dancer likes to back up fast or spin around and I prefer not to have any horse/rider collisions. She never ever gives me space and its so frustrating. She's always right up my bum and I end up getting angry. I try not to but since we always have this issue I'm getting fed up.

We got the horses through but it ended up in a huge fight which ruined the rest of my riding. She always says she just forgets but I don't understand how she can forget every time?! I know I sound like a horrible daughter but I want riding to be fun and not stressful.

waresbear 10-14-2012 06:18 PM

Just remind her to give you space, she said she forgot. No need to get all upset over such things. You are pretty darn lucky to have your mom riding with you, just remind her every once in awhile to hang back, small price to pay for some enjoyable trail riding with the lady who changed your poopy diapers!
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Puddintat 10-14-2012 06:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by waresbear (Post 1719076)
Just remind her to give you space, she said she forgot. No need to get all upset over such things. You are pretty darn lucky to have your mom riding with you, just remind her every once in awhile to hang back, small price to pay for some enjoyable trail riding with the lady who changed your poopy diapers!
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I see what you're saying but I just get frustrated because she says this every time we're out.

NorthernMama 10-14-2012 07:03 PM

Oh definitely. My mom and I had a HUGE blowout after several years of little conflicts. Looking back at it, I'm not sure there was anything that we could have done to prevent it, but if you want to try - its all about communication.

She does this everytime you ride? So, when you are NOT riding, bring it up. Ask her why it's so hard for her to remember that you and your horse need some space. It might dredge up some other things you and she are not aware of. If you can still speak amiably (my mom and I were waaaay past that), just remember to stay cool, not take things personally and try to understand how her mind and emotions are working. Its tough.

My mom and I made up years later, but it took a tragedy to do it. And only then did she realize that it was OK for her to do some things and I realized I had to not expect her to be 20 years younger.

DancingArabian 10-14-2012 08:00 PM

Couldn't this all be resolved by you letting her know when you need her to step aside and give you space while you're riding? She probably doesn't think about the nuances of riding and of horse behavior. She may not be able to know when you'll need to have a little battle or if he just needs a push and then you're fine. Don't hold her to your standard of what you think she should do, especially if she's purely a pleasure rider. Accept your mom for who she is and how she works and stop expecting her to read your mind.
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Puddintat 10-14-2012 08:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DancingArabian (Post 1719210)
Couldn't this all be resolved by you letting her know when you need her to step aside and give you space while you're riding? She probably doesn't think about the nuances of riding and of horse behavior. She may not be able to know when you'll need to have a little battle or if he just needs a push and then you're fine. Don't hold her to your standard of what you think she should do, especially if she's purely a pleasure rider. Accept your mom for who she is and how she works and stop expecting her to read your mind.
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I don't expect her to read my mom. I explain to her what I need at that moment. We talk about it before it even happens. We talk about it after it happens.

heymckate 10-14-2012 09:54 PM

Can you try it from a different angle? Next time, perhaps you can be specific: "Mom, see that flattened squirrel 20 feet away? I want you to go stand right next to it and stay there until I tell you otherwise." If you see her approaching out of the corner of your eye before you're finished getting your horse where he needs to be, tell her, "I'm not ready yet! Please go back to the roadkill!" (obviously I hope you'll choose a sign or something, not roadkill, as your landmark of choice for your mom to hang out at)

If that isn't working, is there any way her horse is capable of going first over some of these obstacles, and then having her wait on the other side?

I understand how frustrating moms can be. I get frustrated often with mine. But at the end of the day, she's my mom, and there's no point in wrecking a mother-daughter relationship over the small bumps in the road, literally and figuratively.

Puddintat 10-14-2012 09:59 PM

Good idea, hyemckate. I wish Ranger could go over first but he's such a weenie that he relies on Dancer to be brave.

DancingArabian 10-14-2012 10:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Puddintat (Post 1719222)
I don't expect her to read my mom. I explain to her what I need at that moment. We talk about it before it even happens. We talk about it after it happens.


Are you asking for space when your horse refuses and immediately she's "forgetting" and not giving you space? Or are you asking at the beginning of the ride that you may need space?

I think you need to ask for space to work right when you need it, or send her past the scary thing. Though if you send her past it, your horse won't develop the confidence to do things first and on his own. If you're asking for space right when you need it and you're not getting it, she's not forgetting; she's ignoring you.


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