How to rebuild "the passion" for riding?
After Indie died, I've been having a lot of trouble with enjoying riding. I get depressed when I walk by her stall and I get upset whenever I think about anything horse-related. Like last night at the awards banquet, they were discussing club trail rides. Indie and I probably would've tried going to one. It also upset me when they were handing out awards because I got to thinking that Indie and I could've won some next year, like I have done the past two years with Major.
I think it's just the fact that I had so many plans for us and they were ruined. I'm just wondering if anyone else has ever felt the same and what they did to get the enjoyment back.
Jore, the loss of Indie was significant and fairly recent. There is no timeline on when that zest will be back. I think its good to go and ride, but there may be benefit in taking a break. Forcing yourself to do something you don't want to do is a sure fire way to burn out on it. There is nothing wrong with taking a break and exploring other things. If you can't imagine not riding than give it time. Its a huge loss and you can't put a time frame on it. When I lost my first great mare I was so uninvolved I took a break from riding and my relationship with my father took a step back because I blamed him (he had to euthanize the mare due to broken leg). Its normal, with time things change and form. I remember a quote from a television show I can't remember. The gest of it is that loosing someone you love is like amputating your hand. You sit and wonder how you will ever do anything without your hand and then gradually and without knowing it you start doing all those things you thought you could never do. Its not that you grew a hand back its just that your body adapted to its loss.
My advice is don't compare yourself to others or think about the awards you could have won. Put one foot in front of the other and you will get through the rough stuff.
It's not even really about the awards, just about going to a few local shows for fun and giving her that experience.. since she never got to have it.
I might take a longer break.. but I don't want to go too long since I'm hoping to maybe get an OTTB as a prospect in the spring or summer to give me something to work for and look forward to again, and I don't want to be too "rusty".
I think it is just takes time to heal. I once lost a filly that meant the world x2 to me. I did not make that much at the time and went into debt trying to save her. I had two other horses at the time. I had to ride - so I rode, but as you say .. the "passion" had evaporated and I just couldn't accept losing her. If you are going to get another, I would suggest you start looking - it will give you something to focus on. And, IMO when you no longer try to find Indie in another horse, your passion is ready to come back.
I second what MM said. And you know that. And im wondering if riding at a different barn, at least once in a while, would be helpful too. It would give you new things to see and learn. And wouldn't remind you constantly what you can't do.
NBEventer had a really generous offer for me, so I might have to check back with her on it during Christmas break. I agree that it might just be nice to hang around at another barn and help out there where there aren't constant reminders of Indie everywhere.
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