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Just Ruthiey 12-19-2012 09:07 PM

I board my bff's horse, but yet he is more mine
Sooo here it is:
Over the summer I taught my best friend, lets call her Kay, the basics of riding and horsemanship, enough to get her into being able to take care of her own horse. She started to ride my neighbor's paint, Moon. Well, Moon's owner soon decided to put her shoeing costs on us and feed. It just became too much to handle for the both of us. So we looked for horses for Kay. Finally after months of searching we found a AQH rescue that needed some real TLC. About 2 months ago Toby came to stay in my pasture.
Now granted I LOVE LOVE LOVE him, he is a sweet boy. But he does have his issues, he bullies Magic around and has a terrible habit of kicking, but for Kay I can deal with that.
What I can't deal with is that her and I had a deal about Toby staying in my pasture. She pays me $50 a month to house him, she pays for the food or pays me back for it, and she helps me out when I can't feed or need a hand. Well that was two months ago she owns me roughly about $150-$200, last two Sundays I have needed to get to church early and she 'forgot' to feed all three babies (and Toby is roughly in need of about 25 more lbs).
It's nice having someone to ride with but I don't ask her to buy her own hay or shavings or medications or even replacement tack parts.

So how do I ask her to pay me back without loosing her as a friend of should I just accept Toby as mine?
I love my best friend, Toby too, but when I say something I stick to it. :/
-sorry all my posts are so long :p

Cowgirls Boots 12-19-2012 09:14 PM

125 Attachment(s)
This is why they say to never mix friends with business. Just write up a receipt with details and prices on everything she owes you. Or maybe if she doesn't pay then the horse is yours? I don't know though.

I let my friend keep her horse in my horses field. Now I do self care and that was the agreement with her too. She fed her own horse bought all her own grain and helped clean the pasture and water trough once in awhile. Well, she never bothered to even clean the pasture and maybe helped me clean the trough once. Needless to say, she moved anyway but point being is to never mix friends and business. She never helped or did anything to help and we got into it one day because I just couldn't take it anymore. I was taken advantage of and I was tired of it.

Point being- don't mix fiends and business cause it NEVER ends well.
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Thunderspark 12-21-2012 12:30 AM

it's tough to mix boarding a friend's horse. I had a very dear friend of mine who boarded her horse here, we got along fine, she helped out when she could or if I needed help.....sadly she passed away back in May of this year and she left me her horse which I love! I have four horses now, I ride my mare but I have a appy gelding coming up 10 and a friend comes out and rides him for me, so now I got a young girl who started riding my friend's horse this summer......I don't charge them for the use of my horses but they do help out when I ask, which isn't often but it's nice to know I could count on them if I did need help.....

Solon 12-21-2012 12:34 AM

You're going to have to just say, hey, are you going to be able to pay me or not.

Do you have anything written down between you? If not, do it now. Write down what is owed, when it is owed and what happens if the amount reaches a certain amount. At our barn, if you go past three months late rent, the horse becomes the property of the stable.

Not that you'd need to go that far, but even as your friend she needs to learn there are consequences for not paying her share. And hopefully, she's not taking advantage of your kindness and friendship. Good luck!

caseymyhorserocks 12-22-2012 12:25 PM

Like everyone else is saying, tell her what she owes you and what for. Then write up a contract saying what you will do (like feed Mon - Sat) and what she will do (feed Sun) and what she will pay for (feed for her horse) and have her look over it and ask her to pay you your money and sign the contract or leave. If she refuses to do either of which, you will just end up with another horse that you pay for but soemone else owns and rides.

Saddlebag 12-22-2012 01:10 PM

The friendship ended the moment she got behind in her responsibilities. While you may value this "friendship" it is obvious she doesn't. Are you content to have it one-sided? It seems to be costing you, not her.

Saskia 12-27-2012 08:49 AM

I think before things go further you have to have a serious talk with her (before writing off the friendship).

A lot of horse people just don't understand the constant responsibility and the costs involved - even if you have explained them to them. Be crystal clear and lay down how it is.

Tell that horses need to be fed "x" amount of times a day and that this never changes regardless of responsibilities or sickness or holidays or whatever. And when your friend is taking all this time off not looking after her horse you are. Everyday. And its not just tagging on the end of yours, its a whole other horse and it takes up your time and money. And most importantly its not your horse.

Tell her how much feed her horse needs and how much money that approximately costs each week. Money you have been covering her for and that you need. Make it simple, don't talk about all the different feeds needed or anything, just say YOUR horse needs "x" which costs YOU "x" which I have paid. And even if you have the spare money say you don't, say you can't afford to keep covering for her, that unless she pays you what is owed now, and within lets say a week of feed purchasing future amounts, that she is going to have to be responsible for ordering and storing her own feed. Perhaps offer her a discount on "board" if she comes out and cares for Toby herself. I imagine after a week of feeding, cleaning etc she'll be happy to pay the $50. Or up the cost. Say you're going to have to charge her $150 (or something) if she's not willing to pay for feed or help out. Give her options so that she takes the responsibility of making a decision, not just having terms dictated to her.

Then, while you're talking, write it all down, just so there is "no confusion" of whatever she decides, try get her to sign or something. Then if she doesn't step up or pay up ask her to move her horse.

Most places don't just allow you to assume ownership of a horse. It's not your horse and claiming someone owes you money doesn't make it your horse. Especially as there is no proof you are owed money and no signed agreement. Also, in many cases with contracts boarding places can auction of the horse, taking their share to cover money owed and then returning the rest to the owner. Unless you have a contract stating the horse becomes yours after an amount of time, and then probably registered letters sent to the owner requesting the money owed, and the consequences, I doubt you can legally assume ownership.

Thats not to say if you talk to your friend about money owed she won't just agree to give you the horse. Be upfront, clear and honest. Good luck.

Just Ruthiey 12-27-2012 10:18 AM

Thanks everyone!
I got ahold of her, finally! She'll be over sometime for the farrier by Tuesday or tomorrow we might ride. I'll attempt to talk to her then .
I've got to be a little more stern. Especially since it's my money and time, I just don't have all of that.

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