Girls in my 4-H club
Okay, so I have a problem. There's these girls in my 4-H club who I can't stand. There's one girl who doesnt care a thing about her horse and she had a gorgeous paint two years ago and she sold him for an ex barrel horse and she always acts like she's better than everyone else. She looks down on me because last year was my first year showing and I was only showing in western showmanship and she always looks down on me like I'm not good enough to hang out with her because I'm not skinny or pretty.
I do have one friend that I know is definitely a friend of mine and shes one of my best friends who shows with her mare and she's friends with the other girl I don't like, and she always hangs out with her and she tries to include me but I can't say I feel included with them. And my friend tries I don't feel good enough with them.
(I'll use fake names to protect the identities of the girls...)
Cassie is the girl who looks down on me, Jenna is my friend, and Jenna's other best friend is Emma.
Now, Emma doesn't really like me either, because I hang out with Jenna and I actually own a horse of my own whereas I think Emma is jealous of the fact that I own my own horse and she leases. But, Emma, Jenna, and Cassie have theyre own little group, Jenna's older sister and another girl who's around the same age as Jenna's sister hang out, and then another girl who's really nice who I'm gonna call Nicole, hangs out in Jenna, emma, and cassie's group and I hang out by myself. Everyone thinks I'm a loner. I'm sick of being looked down on because Im just starting out riding and training my own horse. Any advice? You can ask for more details.
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I would just enjoy my own horse. I would try to make some new friends. Those girls are very childish and they don't sound like they are fun to be with. Just be yourself and have confidence that you are a valuable person whether they like you or not. You are good enough. Don't play their silly games. If Jenna wants to include you, then be included. If the other girls are snooty, pretend you don't notice.
It's tough when you feel like an outsider.....hold your head up high and ignore the ones who look down on you, like ^ said enjoy your horse!
One of my all time favorite quotes:
“There's only one thing that will make them stop hating you. And that's being so good at what you do that they can't ignore you”
― Orson Scott Card
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Why does it matter? You don't need friends or to "belong" to enjoy your sport.
Remember that no one can make you feel anything. How any other girl views you is inconsequential. Decide how you feel about yourself and then stop caring about others.
Saskia - At that age having friends and belonging does matter. It's only when you get a lot older that you realize that sort of thing doesn't matter so much.
PaintGirl - Enjoy riding your horse and learning how to show/train. There's not much you can really do to keep people from being jealous of you. Be nice to them. The best thing you can do to someone who is mean to you is be nice! Drives them bonkers!!
Don't take 4-H to seriously is all I can say, it seems like so many people kids and adults get wrapped up it the showing and ribbon part sometimes they miss the other good parts.
I didn't have a single friend within the five clubs in my county, so I went to every out of county event I could, camp outs, clinics, judging, speeches, fluff n buff (clinic for sheep and goats). You know what? I made tons of friends that four years later I still talk to when we get the chance.
The others gave good advice.
Wow, thanks a bunch to everyone! You all bring up great points and gave me some good advice! Thank you! And Poco, I love that quote!! It's my new favorite too! And Celeste and Thunderspark, I will definitely try. I love your advice on just enjoy your own horse. I guess last year I only basked in Squaw (my mare's) company. But I couldnt take her everywhere. And sometimes I wasn't there to enjoy her as much as I'd have liked to be.
Solon- thanks for that advice, even though it is hard to be nice to some people, I will definitely try :).
And finally, Cruiser-- next year, I'll have to see what all I can get wrapped up in. Thanks for that advice :)
Thanks everyone for your help so far! You have no idea how much I appreciate your help... Belonging is something I've always wanted, but maybe it's not.
I'll keep you guys posted! :)
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You do belong.
I can understand completely what you are going through. I too am in 4H, and am looked down upon for having ranch horses in pasture condition that aren't kept in a stall and pumped full of supplements, and they really hate the fact that I take care of my own horses! I personally think 4H has lost its true purpose, which was to educate kids on the care and training of their horses, instead of how it is now, which is all about the showing aspect. Hang in there!
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