Totally Stressing! Many Decisions Lie Ahead...
I just need to get this out in writing and hear other people's thoughts.
I attend community college right now. I will have my AA in journalism this May. Next fall, I am transferring to a state university. I am excited, which is great, because I tried to go off to college after I graduated and couldn't do it - just wasn't ready. But this past week, a whole bunch of decisions have cropped up and they really affect my life!
#1 - Housing
Originally, I was going to have a 2 bedroom townhouse that was pet friendly to myself on campus next fall. I have never been excited about dorm life - I like to sleep, people are loud and raucous, and I'm one of those people that just need my own space. Additionally, I have anxiety mostly with this phobia I have of throwing up. This anxiety was so bad during high school, but it has gotten to the point, through medication and counseling, where it is manageable most of the time. However, I still get pretty worked up when someone is sick in the household, and I hate feeling and having people see me that way. Which brings me to the other option:
I've gotten really close with this girl that rides at my stable. She attends this college I'm transferring to next fall and is getting an apartment with her friend. It's a 3 person apartment - everyone gets their own bedroom - and she wanted to know if I would like to live with them. It will be a lot cheaper than having my own place, obviously. I love this girl, and she's considerate, respectful, doesn't party, and goes to bed at a decent time. I don't know her friend, but I am willing to bet that she's a lot like her. Anyway, I have scheduled to see this apartment and meet this friend next Saturday. This apartment, I should mention, is also pet-friendly. The only thing that stops me is my anxiety. I know I will likely flip out if someone gets sick, and that is not a side of me I like revealing to anyone because it makes me feel like a crazy, and a lot of people aren't really that accepting of it. I haven't told my friend about this, and I will probably have to, but it just makes me uncomfortable talking about it because it's not a side of me I am proud of or like to share.
#2 - Internships - So, I'm starting to realize that a sophomore in college means I should probably start building my resume. There is a place in the same town that I go to school at that has had internships open before. It is unpaid but undoubtedly good experience. My problem is that I have a lot on my plate right now. I work 20-25 hours a week because I obsess over having a thriving bank account and worry that my horses will eat it away! I want to get a head start to making money so I can get my horses and my stable as soon as possible. And I want to stay out of debt. Plus, my job, a grocery store extraordinaire (I literally do EVERYTHING, but mostly cashier), is laid back, flexible, and is very low key, things I value right now as a college student. This summer, I want to try to make as much money as possible before I head off to school. I know I can get the greenhouse again this year at work, but working 9-6 doesn't exactly leave time for an internship. I plan on doing internships my junior and senior years, but should I start now or what? My journalism instructor said that while work experience is great, a grocery store doesn't have anything to do with journalism...obviously. But it brings in the money without stress. Ughh...I don't know what to do.
I'll just leave it at those two right now I think. But I worry too about what I'll do with my horses (the lamie, the oldie, and my new one). And about succeeding in journalism. :oops: Any clues, guys?
living with other people, no matter how great they are, basically sucks. if you can swing it financially find a smaller, but private individual place. Roomaate issues can quickly become a nightmare, with utility bill arguments, cleanign, noise, smoking, yadda yadda.
Your choices are not groceries for pay or intern for nothing. Look for a summer job that has something to do with your field. OR look for soemthign that isnt related, but write about it and get published. Its not that hard. Does your grocery store have a company news letter ? maybe a union publication ? What do you do with your horses ? any specific magazines ?
Endurance news, Trail riders, and I am sure others are frequently asking for member stories.
Thank you for the input, I greatly appreciate it.
The problems I run into around here is that there is not a lot regarding journalism. The internship I was talking about is with our local news channel. We have one regional paper and then many town papers. I've tried communicating with the people on the hometown newspaper, but none of the reporters are very excited nor forthcoming about the job. In fact, they act like they hate it. I'm not sure what to think of that.
My grocery store is just the hometown one, and the closest thing they do to writing is the manager minutes! But I could definitely write about the grocery store experience lol.
I do hunter/jumper stuff with my one horse. My other one is unfortunately lame now (he was my jumper before) and the other is just a babysitter for anyone that wants to ride. Hunter/jumper riding is not prevalant in my area, so it would be something unique to write about. We do not have any regional magazines around as far as I'm aware, but I do love the Practical Horseman and Horse Illustrated - even Young Rider is good.
I do write for the school newspaper, so that is always something good I guess. I just wonder if I should do more before I go to university or wait until I go this fall.
As to #1, I have the same phobia - a tendency toward hypochondria if I am around sick people. If you are like me, my advice would be to get your own place - college kids often swap spit with everyone and their brother, and are sick a lot. Lysol and hand sanitizer help, but don't eliminate the fretting about it.
As to #2, I don't know which state university you are going to, but if it has a journalism school like Mizzou, it can be difficult to get a related job in a college town, and your professor is correct - an internship not related to your major is of limited value. I am a writer and was a Public Affairs/Public Information person for many years - you might look into a number of things...small newspapers in small towns often will use freelance articles, sometimes without pay, but they still look good on a resume. Also, there are quite a few part time Public Information jobs with hospitals, police departments, city governments, large companies, utility companies, and social agencies, as well as state and federal government positions. Many federal agencies have summer intern jobs and virtually all of them have Public Information officers.
Just throwing out a few thoughts...
I have never had a bad experience with having a house mate or room mate. Then again, I am an easy going person and all my room mates have been wonderful people. I've been lucky.
The more people involved, the more likely it will go horribly wrong. If you're not sure about having one house mate at all, two may be pushing it. I'd do it, but I like people.
#1 It sounds like you have a tough choice to make. I have social anxiety, so I know what it's like not to want to have to tell anyone about your problems in fear that you'll sound like you're nuts. But in this case, before you make a decision either way, talk to your friend and other possible roomate. At some point, if you guys are really close, she's bound to find out.
Ask yourself honestly if you think you can handle living with others for the next few years, who are most likely going to get sick at some point. I would sit down and make a pros and cons list.
#2 It sounds like you have too much on your plate already to add an internship this year, especially if there isn't really a place to intern.
Best wishes for you during your college years! :)
I would opt for the apartment alone, too. if I were you, I mean.
I think you will need the alone time to settle your self after a day of stimulation.
However, it sounds to me from your post that you feel an insistant and demanding need to control everything in your life. What a heavy burden that must be. Believe me, just as soon as you've solved these problems, several more equally as pressing (in your mind) will be on your doorstep. And , more and more and more. It never ends. you can never control them all. I realize that you must know this, but from someone who has had that many more problems come my way (just from being alive longer), I hope that you can take a few deep breaths and allow that you can't control everything and that trying to do so is simply impossible, and so , well, cut yourself some slack is what I really want to say.
Thanks everyone. I totally appreciate the input.
It's like I really want to live with these guys because I know this girl is a great friend and for forever I've longed for some good friends. I've been a little friendless since pretty much forever and sometimes I feel like I'm looking into society. I love talking to people and I love having good fun (meaning I'm not a drinker, etc.), but I would hate for people to see me crumble down. I hate feeling vulnerable.
TinyLiny, you make an excellent point. I do feel like I have to control everything. My half sister is in terrible debt because she never got an education, bought stuff she didn't need, and made poor decisions. She's also been jobless because of bad health that can't be taken care of because she has no insurance. I don't want to end up that way. I don't want to live in the bad parts of town. I don't ever want to be without horses. To me, there is nothing more relaxing than taking a ride with my friend (my horse) and taking in the scenery and just thinking or flying over a jump. It's my only hobby, and I'm really afraid to go without it.
As for other things, I'm trying to control it because I feel like I'm a slacker. I gave up on my college courses in high school my senior year because I went through a rough spot with my mental health. I failed them. I was supposed to go to a private college, and I ended up at community college, still working at the grocery store, and then I broke down my freshman year because I was not on medication. I didn't do well both semesters - not to say I flunked out, but I can do a lot better than a C average, I know. I struggle to motivate. I have trouble keeping my room clean, getting outside in the cold weather to feed my horses, which I feel terrible about because they are the sweetest things. I'm on the right medication now, and I just have this feeling that I constantly have to be on top of things in order to succeed. Journalism is a cutthroat business. I feel like my journalism professor doesn't have much faith in me because I did some late assignments last semester. Albeit, I wrote them very well, but journalism comes with deadlines. These people that have graduated from my community college and went on have interned with the local newstation and with NBC, they've been editors of our paper, which I am not, and they have good careers. I'm afraid if I don't do something, I won't be able to get a good job. Yeah, everyone loves me at the grocery store. My head manager knows I'm reliable, on time to work, and that I have a good work ethic. I'm trustworthy. But that's at the grocery store. That's not in my journalism career.
I guess this whole "adult" business really scares me. I want to go in with eyes wide open, and TinyLiny, I wholeheartedly agree that I'm trying to control everything. But I just want to do well for myself. You know, there's this lady at church, who, everytime she talks to me, tells me how wonderful I am. She told me she told her niece or one of her relatives about this amazing young lady that is a leader in the church - that's supposed to be me. I can do no wrong in her eyes. The thing is, I know I don't really deserve all that praise. I know how to make people's days shine, but I haven't done anything incredible. I want to be able to feel like I have earned that praise - that the girl that lady is talking about is really me.
Sigh...I think I need some chocolate and a good ride!
The best way to lose a friend is to move in with them.
Since you are going to be very busy why not look for a farm that will board your horses. It will likely reduce your costs considerably. If the farmer has cattle there's a good chance he's putting up his own hay. You can't get picky about supplements but the horses will do fine on just hay. I don't think you are in a position to keep a third horse for someone else to ride. Perhaps it time to sell it. Tell the girl how you get squeamish when someone is ill. Lots of people do and she'll likely understand. The lady at the church is trying to complement you. Don't poke holes in yourself thinking you don't deserve it. She may be aware of your lack of confidence and is trying to boost it.
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