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Oxer 02-24-2013 01:09 AM

Motorcycle crash renders me unsupportive
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My boyfriend literally woke up one morning and decided he wanted to get a motorcycle. I have always been supportive of his choices, however; this choice seemed so painfully random, and unlike him. After all the gear and the purchase of the bike, he was nearly $5000 in, so I just kept my mouth shut about it.

On the occasion we would speak a bit about the dangers involved in motorcycle riding, which usually ended in him going on about the dangers of horseback riding. I can't say much... when i was eventing, i had a rotational fall that left me in a coma. So I clearly understand the dangers of riding and jumping horses. But I feel like it's not the same. I've been riding since i was 5. It's part of me. It's who i am. It's not just a fad, or an idea. It's a lifestyle choice that i had made long before the boyfriend!

Anyway, so today he decides he wants to go out with a huge group of people from an internet forum, to ride a canyon that goes through Malibu. Long story short, he ended up losing control of the bike and laying it down. He's alright. Minus a large amount of road rash, a ruined pair of $400 motorcycle boots, a cracked $500 helmet, and a completely wrecked 2012 Ninja.

I have told him that this is it. He needs to get the money from the insurance and be done with it. He says i'm not being supportive. And i agree. I'm not. But come on! He's only had the **** bike for 5 months and he totals it!!! I'm angry and bitter about it. So what do ya'll think.... how would you feel?

alexischristina 02-24-2013 01:21 AM

I feel like if he's supporting you in the VERY dangerous sport of horse back riding... you should support him. Maybe it's not 'just a fad' and just because he hasn't been riding since he was he was five (yeah, pretty sure there are laws preventing that...) doesn't mean it isn't as much a part of him as riding is a part of you. Maybe it's something he's secretly wanted to do for a long time?

I, personally, think you're being hypocritical. I don't like motorcycles either, but you have to put it into perspective...

Did he demand you sell your horse when you fell? Does he demand you sell your horse every time you fall and have a minor injury (or no injury)? Do you oblige him?

If not, then you have no place to tell him to do the same.

Oxer 02-24-2013 01:26 AM

214 Attachment(s)
yes, you're right about a lot. However, the difference is that when i'm thrown, it tends not to cost anything. I'm sore for a couple days, and that's it. The price that he pays with every fall off that bike is incredibly monetary, as well as the very high chance of paying the ultimate price with his life. It's really tough to just be "okay" with it.

alexischristina 02-24-2013 01:32 AM

And while that IS true, I'm sure you're spending LOTS of money on your hobby as well. And while it may not seem as likely to you, a fall very well COULD cost you your life. And I feel like, as riders, we're more prone to falling (horses spook, bolt, refuse) than someone riding a bike. I know it's hard to see this accident and NOT think it's going to happen every other day, but chances are it ISN'T, and you're doing damage to yourself (mentally, emotionally) and your relationship by worrying.

Duren 02-24-2013 02:21 AM

I have a similar situation. However, I trust that he is safe on the road and always wears his gear. I do worry about the other *******s on the road, but such is life. I personally dont ride, bikes scare the hell out of me. I'm not about to suggest that he give up the bikes just because its not my cup of tea.

Life isnt safe. You can die at any moment, from anything. Might as well enjoy life and do what you love.

And unless you are paying for his hobby then its really not your concern what he does with his money.

jinx1990 02-24-2013 05:29 AM

If you think about it...hes only $5000 in and he'll be getting money from insurance for the wrecked bike. How much are you(and your parents!) in on your horse since you were five? I think since he's being supportive of you in a risky sport it, you should be supportive of him in his hobby as well. Its his life, his money. I say be thankful he wasnt seriously hurt in the accident :)
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BarrelWannabe 02-24-2013 07:00 AM

I do agree with the others in that while you may not like his choice, being supportive of him in his hobby of choice will allow for less conflict and a better bond between the two of you.

If he is supportive of your habit, gots gives you a sense of comfort, yes? Kind of like 'Hey, he knows how much this means to me and cares enough to support me whether or not it be the safest hobby.'

Imagine him thinking the same thing. He'll look to you for support and trust that you'll be there to do so.

I understand the dangers of motorcycles. I've been injured many a time, but it was something I liked doing so I kept on doing it! Not many of my friends or family were supportive, but the few that were, I valued their opinions far more and looked to them before anyone else.

I'm certain the two of you aren't lacking in trust, but this is just another thing that will add to that and make you two stronger.
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Speed Racer 02-24-2013 07:51 AM

You're not being rational. Riding horses is MORE dangerous than riding motorcycles, and you've already been seriously injured.

If this is his passion, you're honor bound to support him. If you don't, then you're the worst type of hypocrite.

At least his bike has some monetary value and can be replaced easily enough. You can't say the same about horses. Plus, except for regular maintenance costs, his iron horse is much less expensive overall than your flesh and blood one.

You don't have the right to dictate his life. As long as HE understands the risks and are fine with them, you need to smile and deal with his hobby. If you don't, some other girl will.

HowClever 02-24-2013 07:55 AM

His crash costs money so he has to get rid of the bike? How much do you outlay on your horse on a weekly basis. My bet is more than he has outlaid on the bike.

I think you are being a hypocrite. You have an expensive, dangerous hobby. You can't dictate what he chooses to have as a hobby.

Faceman 02-24-2013 08:21 AM


Originally Posted by HowClever (Post 1909357)
I think you are being a hypocrite. You have an expensive, dangerous hobby. You can't dictate what he chooses to have as a hobby.

I agree 100%...

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