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HollyLolly 03-10-2013 02:58 PM

Losing the Will to Live *rant*
Okay, so just lately I've been a little down. I lost my little mare in a tragic road accident (I shan't, mainly because I can't bear to, go into details) and my other mare has been on her own for 3 weeks.

In that time, as is probably normal, she has become very spooky. But, I thought when I bought a companion, she'd settle right back down.

Obviously, I haven't given it much time, as I only bought her companion today, but she's just as spooky. I thought she'd be more relaxed with another pony around.

She's always been very high strung, but never like this. She runs about like a crazed animal and is always staring over at the "evil creatures" that live over the fence. I can never get her attention any more. Even when I work with her, I never have her ear on me, she's always got her head high and looking over the fence. I've tried doing Clinton Anderson's sense and desensitising techniques and also got her feet moving all over the shop (when working with her) but I haven't been able to be consistent with it due to ghastly weather (and no facilities), and also when have done it, she doesn't seem any better.

I am at a loss, and it's really, really depressing me. I mean seriously. To the point where I want nothing more to do with horses, and even to the point where I don't see the point in anything. I just feel like crap, and every time I go and see her, I just feel worse, because she has NO interest in me. I've done NH methods for a long time, and she is the only horse that I cannot get attention or respect from. She's not disrespectful in the sense that she's nasty or naughty, just **** ignorant and I just feel SO down.

Maple 03-10-2013 03:19 PM

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Give her time, chances are in the morning they'll be pals over the fence. Heck, for all she knows that thing over the fence is a horse eating monster in a horse costume. Give them a chance to settle in.

MAG1723 03-10-2013 03:21 PM

Like Maple said, give her time. Time can do so much. She is probably just depressed and scared without her buddy with her.

Wallaby 03-10-2013 03:23 PM

Oh sweetie, I am so sorry to hear about the trouble you've been having! :hug:

I don't have much practical advice but I know that when my mare lost her bestie a few years ago (like we have "heart horses", the mare Lacey lost was her "heart friend", if that makes sense) she got very much the same way. Even with other horses around, she was spooky and just freaked out initially. Then she got really depressed, didn't have a lot of interest in anything, I continued to work with her, didn't ride much just did her favorite things (lunging and round penning) and a few months later, as suddenly as it started, she was back to normal.

The one thing that really changed once she was "back" was that she began to treat me like she had treated Dani, the mare we lost. She had previously looked to Dani for everything and I was just "the human". But once Dani was gone and Lace got through the grieving process, I was suddenly Lacey's bestie/protector.

Anyway, my only advice is to just give yourself, and your remaining mare, time and room to grieve. Maybe go out and groom her or work with her a bit if you feel like it, but don't feel forced to ride or really work her if you don't feel like it.

The only thing that will truly fix this is time, IMHO. Don't give up but don't burn yourself out by forcing yourself to act like everything is normal.


HollyLolly 03-10-2013 03:24 PM

You are right, of course guys, I just needed to tell someone, you know?

tinyliny 03-10-2013 03:24 PM

Maybe it's time to bring in another human being to both help you for a bit and work with your mare. Sometimes, if we get "stuck" it helps to have someone else give us a new perspective, either by teaching us, or for us to just watch them. Hang in there.

HollyLolly 03-10-2013 03:26 PM

And thank you Wallaby, your post has made me feel a lot better, thank you :)

HollyLolly 03-10-2013 03:27 PM

tinyliny, I've just contacted a couple local trainers maybe just to get an outside look (especially someone who deals with all sorts of problems) for some advice.

Thank you everyone for your support

Maple 03-10-2013 03:32 PM

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I say it's not only her who needs time either :)

Time with help both of you, just give yourselves a chance. I'm sorry for your loss, and do hope things look up for you soon.

HollyLolly 03-10-2013 03:38 PM

Thanks Maple, just needed to share with people who would get it :-) You guys are the best!

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