My history why i am
judge if you want but this is part of why i am were i am. (sorry its still hard to think about let alone type):cry:
I got my first horse when i was 12. She was given to me by my moms boyfriend after the her mom died, two weeks old. I had to earn the money to buy the milk supplement, and my bed was moved to the shed and I found out then about midnight feedings. Spanky was what i named her she was a blue paint and i always hated her color but i loved her. My first ride on her was without saddle and it was because my dog had been hit by a car and went racing accrosed the field, Spanky had been about 1 1/2 she never bucked she just followed Kail. When we made it home and i seen kail i had to hit my knees because the only thing holding his leg on was the skin on the inside, bone and blood was all i could see. I made a call to the vet and walked behind our house and sat on the steps to the clinic, spanking nibbling and nugging us. When the vet arrived his assistant took sapanky and i followed him with Kail. He was abil to save my dogs leg. The following weeks i introduced the saddle and would put Kail on the saddle when we went for our walks that winter. the following spring i was given the ok you can ride her now. after schools were grate and i loved the weekends, at least until i met josh then i kindlv forgot about spanky for a bit. when josh and i split, i wanted to try endurance racing but didn't have the funds to do so.
I took on a kill horse, from the action and halter broke it and resold it for quadrupled what i had paid for it. I paid and had shoes put on Spanky and we started training for our first endurance race. to keep money coming in for the higher feed, i bought the cheep kill horses, learned by trail and err on how to train them and resold them. The date for our first race came up i wasn't doing well and a trip in to the doc i had developed walking phenomena. My adopted dad said i wasn't going to ride in the race. I felt like i had let Spanky down. The night of the race i saddled up one of the kill horses and lead Spanky 7 miles to another competitors house and went to the race anyways. I finish 19th out of 24, I learned my lesson my self but as soon as i crossed the finish line my adopted dad pulled me down and whipped my ass. (i was able to enter the race because of home issues i had multiple legal gardens) We continued to keep training, and there came a day when she step-ed on a 20 penny nail out in a filed. it took about 6 month s to heal, and in that time I continued to buy and sell other horses, and i was also allowed to train some directly for other ppl. Todd my vet final told us we could start training, so we went back to long fun rides.
We rode out with friends alot and it was June 9, and Spanky was full of piss and vinegar we rode over to ride with friends. We all agreed to let the horses run, but i knew something was wrong, but Spanky reared up and was attempting to get her head to run so I let her. I remember the rush of air and the thrill of how fast she ran and her love of it! Out of no-were i felt her left front leg buckle, and her head came up and i came out of the saddle as we tumbled down. I lay in the two foot of grass trying to breath when i hurd it. I horse scream, as i struggled up Spanky was doing the same. I couldn't breath, blood gushed from her leg and when she put her wight on it, it became an s shape. friends moved there horses in to help keep her still as others went for help. I could only cry and hold her head. Some one handed me a hand full of bute to feed her. My uncle arrived, gun in hand. My friends held my as i sobbed into her main. Fred told my friends to take me home, but i wouldn't go. Instead I took the e gun and Told him she is my horse, my responsibility. Part of me died that day when i pulled the trigger.
Because of home life i contued to buy horses and i would gentle them i could get the saddle one and mount dismount but i lost the ability to ride. I teamed up with another man who would do the finishing work with them and we split profits. then came the day i found out i was pregnant, and a way out. I left horses behind. But uh O my kids love horse. My boys asked me to teach them to ride, then began begging. So i bought a green broke mare last year, I can could saddle her up get on and i do ok at a walk, but i try to trot and pain and fear hits. I am doing my best to get over it. this year has been hard and my kids want to ride so bad, and it was horses that made me who i am today so i am not giving up. Although the mare i bought last year coliced and died while i was stuck on bed rest have a rescue mare that needs meat put on her (im good at that) and worked. She will never be a show horse, long ridding kind of horse she will be a good kid horse.
Who am i kidding? I loved to ride, i can still feel how they move under saddle, the feeling of one. I want to ride as much as my kids do if not more because I Know the joy and the unity of it. I have a fear that i need to over come. I dont and wont get a theripest into it because well fear of riding is the last issue they want to work on thanks to the life i lived as a kid. My husband is supportive and is willing to learn with us. So I am going to reteach myself and my kids how to ride.
Spanky was only one of the horses I had, but the closest to me, she had been more then just a horse. When I suffered at hands of my step dad or his friends she was the one i went to, she was almost a sisster. I loved her then anything and few can truly understand the bond we had. I know i will never have that bond with another horse but the love of them are still there. I remind myself the first horse i showed, Star and of the stud I rode along with the other horses i trained. I didnt have that deep bond but i did enjoy it.
So if in some post i know what i am doing and others its like did she forget..yes and no. Thanks I can use the support of other horse lovers and if you know what i am going throug Please add me as a friend because support helps
I struggled but read the entire thing.
You've had a rough childhood, and it shows... however working with green horses was not doing your confidence any good. Bless your heart for helping horses that needed extra attention but you should really think about taking lessons for you. Your kids don't need lessons right now, maybe a nice pony ride now and then. But from what it sounds like, horses are your passion and you need to let yourself have that passion.
Are you a single mother? If you don't mind me asking.
Sorry to hear about the hardships you had to go through.
Is there anyone close that would help you, a trainer? You need help getting over that fear and build your confidence.....good luck!
You have come a long way, we all need help getting to the finish line from time to time Is there any 4 h near you are there any horse council were you could meet friends that could help ??
I love my house, and wish i could pack it up and move some were els but no trainers in this town and the closest decent ppl are about 60 miles west of me. Part of the reason i got the horse was because only thing to do in this town is drink and gamble, kids dont have anything in the way of sports so it gives us somthing to do and keeps them out of trouble.
It sounds like you life situation has improved.You are fortunate to have a working husband. I would take your time w/the new horse. Do lots of ground work while you are building her up. Baby steps for all of you. Do you have the horse at your home?
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