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paintsrule 03-17-2013 10:03 PM

Need comfort/help. Might have to give up my horse due to finances.
 
Hi guys, I don't post here much but avidly read and I need help etc from the one group of people who will understand, horse people.
So here's the situation/backstory. When I turned 18 in October, and three days later got a job I've had since, I was turned out financially by my parents aside from car insurance. No clothes, shoes (actually just bought myself my second pair of shoes after my other 2 broke/got holes :D), gas, board anything except food, and a place to sleep. And that was fine, I became independent, learned to deal and was doing okay.
But now, I'm going to college in August. In order to continue paying for these things, I need a job while there, and thus a car to transport me to and from said job. But for some strange reason, my parents refuse to allow this to happen, they boycott it, saying we won't allow you to have a job, so we wont help you pay for a car, we want you on campus and that's it. Now I completely understand them wanting me to focus on my studies, but at the moment in high school I'm taking college level courses, and maintaining a job and 3.7 GPA. Good enough to get me into university, so if I'm determined (which by all means I AM) shouldn't I be able to maintain that while at college and holding a job as well?
Getting to the meat and potatoes now, paying for gas, board, feed, vet, farrier etc isn't going to be cheap. I'm worried that doing this and trying to save for a car that is SAFE and RELIABLE, and not just a clunker that will break down and cost even more money I don't have to fix it again and again, too just isn't going to happen by august. Thus, the only thing I can think of is to give up the horse I've had since I was 12, whom I've grown up with and done EVERYTHING on and with (trust me, there were rough times, and we barely made it out), my rock and my best friend, give him up in order to be able to pay for my life, and life expenses. Not to mention give my horse GOOD care (farrier, shots, vet should he need it) and not neglect him due to bad finances, it just doesn't seem feasible to keep him while affording a car by august and college life after that.
I've contacted a therapeutic horsemanship program to see if I could donate/lease him to them, I think he would be perfect for it. If not I could find an alternate lease/buyer.
I know A LOT of people have to give up their horses for college/life, but this is so painful, he's always been the one thing my worlds been able to rotate around.
Any people gone through this?
Any ways out of this or am I making the right decision?
And my parents WON'T assist me, they laughed at me and told me I'm ruining my future to consider a job. Just to let you guys know.
And either way I will still get a job, I'm just not sure my horse (why does it have to be him?) will be supportable (correctly) even with that.
Thanks SO much if you read this.

Tracer 03-17-2013 10:12 PM

Please don't take offense to this, but your parents seem... Odd. If I had of gone to university, I know that my parents would have forced me to get a job. It's just the normal thing, as far as I know. You need money to live your life, even whilst studying, so a job is a necessity.

On the horse front, leasing definitely sounds like the best option. If you could find someone that you can trust to care for your horse as well as you yourself would, then that would be best. With studying and a job, you wouldn't get much time to spend with him anyway. You love him too much to let him go. Not to mention that if you lease him for a fee, you'll have a little extra income coming in. Selling him would give you the money for a car, but it wouldn't be worth it emotionally.

Back on the job/car front, perhaps you should look at jobs close to campus, public transport etc or find someone to carpool with until you earn the money to buy a car. You definitely do want a reliable car - if you buy a cheapie, chances are you'll spend thousands on repairs to keep it running.

OutOfTheLoop 03-17-2013 10:13 PM

So if I read right, your either stuck on campus with no job, no clothes, no car, and no food, or you get a job and pay for these things but deal with your parents wrath? If they are paying for you to go to college, I say you proboly need to.do what they say, and pretend like it diesnt bother you. If they arnt financially supporting you, then piss on them. It.sounds like either way, your going to have to give up your horse. Sometimes that happens when we become adults. I'm not going to sugar coat it and pretend it will be ok, because it won't. ope and pray you find him a great home, and cry about it whenever you deem it nessacary. It will always bother you, but it will get better. I wish you luck in whatever decision you have to make. I had to give my boy up for three years, and I have had him back almost a year now. I was lucky enough to find someone to care for him, but I knoe not everyone will bbe that lucky, and my heart truly aches for those put in that situation.
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DancingArabian 03-17-2013 10:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by paintsrule (Post 1942521)
Hi guys, I don't post here much but avidly read and I need help etc from the one group of people who will understand, horse people.
So here's the situation/backstory. When I turned 18 in October, and three days later got a job I've had since, I was turned out financially by my parents aside from car insurance. No clothes, shoes (actually just bought myself my second pair of shoes after my other 2 broke/got holes :D), gas, board anything except food, and a place to sleep. And that was fine, I became independent, learned to deal and was doing okay.
But now, I'm going to college in August. In order to continue paying for these things, I need a job while there, and thus a car to transport me to and from said job. But for some strange reason, my parents refuse to allow this to happen, they boycott it, saying we won't allow you to have a job, so we wont help you pay for a car, we want you on campus and that's it. Now I completely understand them wanting me to focus on my studies, but at the moment in high school I'm taking college level courses, and maintaining a job and 3.7 GPA. Good enough to get me into university, so if I'm determined (which by all means I AM) shouldn't I be able to maintain that while at college and holding a job as well?
Getting to the meat and potatoes now, paying for gas, board, feed, vet, farrier etc isn't going to be cheap. I'm worried that doing this and trying to save for a car that is SAFE and RELIABLE, and not just a clunker that will break down and cost even more money I don't have to fix it again and again, too just isn't going to happen by august. Thus, the only thing I can think of is to give up the horse I've had since I was 12, whom I've grown up with and done EVERYTHING on and with (trust me, there were rough times, and we barely made it out), my rock and my best friend, give him up in order to be able to pay for my life, and life expenses. Not to mention give my horse GOOD care (farrier, shots, vet should he need it) and not neglect him due to bad finances, it just doesn't seem feasible to keep him while affording a car by august and college life after that.
I've contacted a therapeutic horsemanship program to see if I could donate/lease him to them, I think he would be perfect for it. If not I could find an alternate lease/buyer.
I know A LOT of people have to give up their horses for college/life, but this is so painful, he's always been the one thing my worlds been able to rotate around.
Any people gone through this?
Any ways out of this or am I making the right decision?
And my parents WON'T assist me, they laughed at me and told me I'm ruining my future to consider a job. Just to let you guys know.
And either way I will still get a job, I'm just not sure my horse (why does it have to be him?) will be supportable (correctly) even with that.
Thanks SO much if you read this.


Are your parents paying for your college education? If they're not, since they're not paying for anything in your life except your car insurance, I don't see how they can allow or disallow you anything since they're not contributing financially. Are you planning on going to college full time, or part time? Are you planning to work full time or part time?

Is your horse marketable? I mean, does he have skills that would make him desireable to lease? Are there lesson program barns nearby where you could place him and allow him to be used in exchange for reduced or no board (though you would need a carefully written contract)?

paintsrule 03-17-2013 10:20 PM

Thanks guys. They're paying for college but I'm trying to get as many scholarships as possible. Everyone in person I've talked to finds it very odd as well that they want me to support myself but wont give me a way to do so.

paintsrule 03-17-2013 10:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DancingArabian (Post 1942533)
Are your parents paying for your college education? If they're not, since they're not paying for anything in your life except your car insurance, I don't see how they can allow or disallow you anything since they're not contributing financially. Are you planning on going to college full time, or part time? Are you planning to work full time or part time?

Is your horse marketable? I mean, does he have skills that would make him desireable to lease? Are there lesson program barns nearby where you could place him and allow him to be used in exchange for reduced or no board (though you would need a carefully written contract)?

My horse is very bombproof, trained english and western, and TONS of experience showing and in multiple disciplines with both beginner and advanced, I think someone would want him. Would this qualify him well for a lease?

rookie 03-17-2013 10:30 PM

okay, so color me confused as well. Have you tried speaking to your parents about why they don't want you to have a job? are you talking full time or part time job? Full time job + full time student does often time equal no social life and possibly poor grades.

If you go to school, live on campus and don't have a job, what happens to your horse? If the trade off is that you live on campus, don't have a job and your parents pay all your finances ie room and board plus pay for your horse. Then go and don't worry about finding a job.

It may be that your parents want you to have the "college" experience. Which is going and meeting people and trying new things. They don't want you driving home every weekend and/or working all the time.

Copperhead 03-17-2013 10:34 PM

Sounds like they are footing the bill for everything college-wise. If they won't let you get a job, then they will have to afford clothes at the very least. I'm guessing the food and shelter will come from the college. It sounds like they don't trust you fully enough to be out from under their roof with that much freedom in another environment, unsupervised.

There will be other horses. You will find another one after college or maybe you can buy this one back. College is insanely expensive and they want your focus to be on education.

My father paid for my education. I repayed him by doing my best, going to class and graduating and when I got out, found a job relating to my major to support myself. Failing and dropping out was NOT an option, especially on his dollar. It was an unspoken law based on trust and respect. I couldn't imagine him paying for my college and then having the audacity to flunk out or quit. Along with going to class, I also followed his rules on housing and everything else. College is a privilege, not a right.

You may have to give up a horse, but you'll be lucky enough to actually attend college. Many, many people can't do that.

paintsrule 03-17-2013 10:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rookie (Post 1942558)
okay, so color me confused as well. Have you tried speaking to your parents about why they don't want you to have a job? are you talking full time or part time job? Full time job + full time student does often time equal no social life and possibly poor grades.

If you go to school, live on campus and don't have a job, what happens to your horse? If the trade off is that you live on campus, don't have a job and your parents pay all your finances ie room and board plus pay for your horse. Then go and don't worry about finding a job.

It may be that your parents want you to have the "college" experience. Which is going and meeting people and trying new things. They don't want you driving home every weekend and/or working all the time.

I have tried to talk to them, with my mom it turns into a screaming match about how a job=ruined future. I don't know why except to say they think my studies will suffer, but they haven't.
A part time job.
If I don't have a job=no horse, I guess they don't care if I get rid of him. So they're fine with that. A non issue to them.
That's not the trade off, I go to college, they pay for it (minus scholarships) and they don't care about my horse, if he goes away. And they don't care if I can drive either, like with a car.
Its hard to explain to my parents. Sorry guys.

paintsrule 03-17-2013 10:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Copperhead (Post 1942560)
Sounds like they are footing the bill for everything college-wise. If they won't let you get a job, then they will have to afford clothes at the very least. I'm guessing the food and shelter will come from the college. It sounds like they don't trust you fully enough to be out from under their roof with that much freedom in another environment, unsupervised.

There will be other horses. You will find another one after college or maybe you can buy this one back. College is insanely expensive and they want your focus to be on education.

My father paid for my education. I repayed him by doing my best, going to class and graduating and when I got out, found a job relating to my major to support myself. Failing and dropping out was NOT an option, especially on his dollar. It was an unspoken law based on trust and respect. I couldn't imagine him paying for my college and then having the audacity to flunk out or quit. Along with going to class, I also followed his rules on housing and everything else. College is a privilege, not a right.

You may have to give up a horse, but you'll be lucky enough to actually attend college. Many, many people can't do that.

I am lucky, thats why I'm willing to give up my horse, for this opportunity. I guess I just wanted comfort, theres really no help at this point, saying goodbye to my horse is what needs to be done.


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