I come on here for advice as I am new to horses and I want to do it right. I find more on here about how I'm a newbie and I should know things, or I am ruining horses, or I'm dumb, or it should be common sense.
I am sorry to say that I did not grow up with horses and being belittled is not making me any better. I am sorry I came here for advice. Some of which was good and constructive, but most make me just not want to come here at all anymore.
It's too bad that when people act and feel and treat others as if they are so superior they in fact stop helping people who need help. I live my life trying to be constructive not destructive. I understand not every is like that though.
I think you need to stop for a second and get the big picture. First, interpreting a complex situation by just the text a person chooses to type is difficult, and often leads to misinterpretation, just like reading a response that is typed in a certain way could be received as constructive by one person, but insulting by another.
If you choose to ask for oppinions on a public forum, with tons of people from different disaplines, ages, experience levels, etc, you are bound to get an oppinion you disagree with. Pick and choose the advice you take, and have an open mind.
also, keep in mind that the vast majority of people here have put a ton of time, effort, blood, sweat and tears into getting the experience they have. Typically the first priority is the HORSE. If someone reads about a person doing something that will be detreimental to the horse, they will advise against it.
your number one job as a horse owner is educating your self, these sites can help, but you have to have humility, an open mind and some what of a thick skin.
Oh, boy...how to reply to this?
Sometimes I think this sort of communication is difficult because it's just words on a screen. You can't hear the other person's voice and it's easy to assume something is being said in a manner that is not the case at all.
I have had horses most of my life. I am continually learning things here from people who have maybe faced a similiar situation as I may be facing or simply I read a bit of information that is just plain common sense and the thought is (smack forehead) Why didn't I think of that? And just because many of us have years of living with horses does not mean we know everything or have never done something bordering on complete stupidity (although we may not publically admit it).
When a new member comes on and requests help with an issue, most replys really are an attempt to get them information or advice. Often it is good detailed info or the suggestion that they need to get help from an experienced horseman. These are not 15 pound house pets we are dealing with but 1000 pound (give or take) powerhouses that can be a real danger if they are out of control. More than once I have read an original post and thought Oh My Gosh!
It's not that I think the poster is a knucklead newbie but can see the danger in a situation if not corrected, and at that point the horse owner does not know what to do. I have been there...most of us have at some point.
So please understand that we really are trying to help, but you need to be open to suggestions and not be quite so thin-skinned. Having horses is a constant learning process. Fun, scary, frustration and rewarding...it's all part of the ride!
Wishing you the very best.
If your horse is rearing and kicking at you, you don't need cuddles.
The situation you are describing is dangerous. You or your daughter could be killed. That is why the advice you are getting is strongly worded. Horses can be fun, but when you combine 1,000 lbs of muscle with a nervous temperament and lightning quick reflexes and then add in a behavioral imperative to dominate or submit, you end up with something that can also be dangerous.
And when people see someone in danger, they want to help. But they may well shout, because shouting is what we do when we see someone in danger.
I just read all of the posts you wrote and the answers you received. I don't see where you were belittled or insulted anywhere, on the contrary I read a lot of post complementing you on your assessment and observation skills. Where some people said your trainer was lacking and dropping the ball for you, most of the posts were pretty helpful.
I am fairly astute on the nastiness that abounds here, and I just didn't see it. Try reading the answers again in the morning, and read it as if you are not intimately involved, like, it was happening to a barnmate.
Your horse has very dangerous behavior, and it does need to be addressed.
You're going to get abrasive comments anywhere in life. In person, or on the internet. You just have to learn how to deal with them and carry on.
I went to read everything you have posted so far to be able to respond and in the meantime just about everything I wanted to say has been said already:-)
I've been around horses for more than 45 years and have had all my horses for a very long time. That means I knew them inside out, we live with each other, first thing in the morning for me is going to look out the window to check if they're okay, even before I go to the bathroom. So you can safely say I know my horses very well. I know I can trust them, and how far I can trust them. But even they have moments where they won't pay attention for a second, and may step on me. Or spook and bump into me running off. Do I blame them or accuse them of trying to kill me? No, certainly not. Do I reprimand them? HECK YEAH!!! U act within 2 seconds, because that's how long they associate one with the other, AS IF I WILL EAT THEM ALIVE, RIGHT THEN AND THERE. They are big, heavy and strong. I am not. What they do to each other might kill or seriously hurt me. Therefore I have to get ingrained in their mind that they cannot do it and better react when I raise my voice. And they do. They know when I'm serious.
This doesn't mean that I don't love on them. Or have them stand like soldiers all the time. They know the difference. But not with sweet talking them into it.
Everybody here who has read my posts can tell you I'm always pro- horse. So when I, or other long time horse folks here say that a horse is spoiled and is taking the whole hand when given a finger it's not to hurt the horse. It's to help the horse. And the owner who possibly lacks experience or guidance. Sometimes even to the extent to suggest finding another owner for the horse and a better suited horse for the newbie.
So what Cherie said and explained is not to hurt you or your mare. It is to help both of you.
Keep in mind also, it's not easy to describe some things in writing. So they might sound harsh, or easy, or stupid, or mean. Or weird in my case, since English is not my mother language;-)
Now seeing your situation, if you can't get any real live hands-on help at your barn, maybe you could look into one of the NH trainer clinics and attend one for a weekend with your horse, and your daughter. That will give you guidance, hands-on, right then and there, and help you " rate" your horse better in certain situations.
With horses you can read a lot, watch videos, all you want, but nothing beats the learning by doing.
EVERYONE here is on their own journey with their horses, just different places. Hopefully that includes extending a helping hand. However, if there is danger, the OPs need to know that, and get help if needed.
I've read your threads and to be honest, you've jumped in with two feet while wearing a set of blinders.
Cherie spent a lot of time and gave you some very good advice.
Instead of being offended and insulted by receiving the very well put advice you have received, be humble and thankful, take it away and use it.....after all it is FREE.
I read your "Sour Horse" thread, if there was belittling responses, I saw none. Some very experience horse people gave you some great detailed advice and took a bit of time doing it. When you have a horse displaying aggressive behavior towards a handler, something has gone very wrong and someone could get seriously hurt. If your trainer didn't tell you the exact same things, may the Force be with you.
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