Need to vent :(
alright so at the moment i’m really upset so im just going to vent to who ever will listen.
I really want to volunteer at this thing in June that goes for a week, but mum just got really annoyed at me and said things about how i cant do it because i cant even control my mental health and yesterday i got really upset while i was doing my artwork because i couldnt make it look nice and i get really really stressed about not doing things well and when im stressed I cry.
Shes also saying things about how I cant do stuff anymore because i dont eat. I tried explaining that eating makes me feel sick but she wont have a bar of it.
Im just really upset. this has been going on for ages and im feeling that mum hates me. I know she loves me, but I just dont think she likes me at all.
Im not even able to tell her i feel upset or sick or have a headache without her scoffing and rolling her eyes.
Marlea, sometimes walking away for a while allows you to look at something (your art) with refreshed eyes. We see it in our mind yet the fingers don't cooperate. For years I struggled with cartooning and the pencil should just glide on the paper. Other things kept me occupied for about two years. One day I picked up my pad and pencil and sitting comfy, I just stared at the paper. A white figure began to appear on the white paper and I began drawing, copying the outline I was seeing. When I was done it was a man, full length, a bald headed priest. I couldn't help but laugh at what I'd drawn but after that I could draw cartoon characters, my own characters, not copy someone elses. The great thing about art is that it takes you in different directions. Learn to enjoy it. I am sure your mom loves you but there's no training manual that teaches parents to deal with every situation that comes along. We do our best and stumble along hoping it works.
I know it feels like your mum is holding you back from doing things you like, but it sounds like she has legitimate concerns. You say she worries for your mental health, and that you don't eat because food makes you sick. How so? If there is something medically wrong with you then sit down and ask your mother to take you in to the doctor, although I suspect it's less that and more mental, in which case your mother is certainly right to worry and restrict the things you can do. Have you talked to a professional?
In what way does food make you sick? Like, vomiting, upset stomach, etc?
What I've gotten, you're still pretty young.
During your teen years, it's quite normal to think that your parents want to be mean toward you. Most of cases, I think, it's still more about it that you view the world a little differently than your parents. They are still responsible for you and most of times that mean attitude or 'not loving me' (as you experience it) stems from it. But as we say here in Finland, limits mean actually love :-).
I think that people are differently sensitive and some are naturally just more prone to cry. Nothing wrong with that, it can be related also teenage. I still hope that if there are concerns with your mental health, you'll receive support that you need in that. I'm also sorry that food makes you feel sick but if you just can, it's better even try to eat. If your body feels continuosly hungry, it doesn't usually help to improve your mood either. I also hope that you'll get sorted out this eating issue, despite of it if it's mental ot physical :-).
Teen years for girls can be INSANE. When I was a tween/teen me and my mother fought like crazy people every day. And when your emotions are running wild it makes everything else seem bad as well.
I highly recommend going and talking with somebody, school counselor, favorite teacher, etc about the problems you are facing.
I know it may seem awkward but it really can help if you talk and get an outside look on what's going on.
If your having problems eating and are getting very stressed over everything then your mom has a right to worry. She doesn't hate you she is probably worried about you and wanting to help, but maybe not really knowing what To do to help
Samstead, you don't know WHAT she's being held back from, yes in some instances it's better to get out and do things, but if someone needs to be 'kept an eye on' it's not the best idea. I'm sure her mother has her reasons, and I'm sure it's hard for OP to understand what they are.
I know it feels like your parents are working against you. That they deliberately want to stop you doing things for control or power. I went through years of despising my parents, wondering why they wanted to make my life hell. I thought they blamed me for costing them money, or taking their youth, or they were just dissapointed how I turned out. They didn't understand me and I didn't think they wanted to. It's often not the case even though it feels that way.
These concerns, like managing your own mental health, coping with stress and eating. Well they may seem like none of your parents business because it's about you, and no one else but them comments on it. But that is what family is. Even though their opinions and judgements may be blunt or harsh or simply just said the wrong way, it is because they care for you, and have a responsibility for you for your entire life. Just as you do them.
If you have real concerns then address them. Don't cry, or react but make a list of what they are. If you are actually sick from certain foods then try and organise an appointment with someone to see if you can work out if you have allergies. I'm betting if you go to your mother after not eating and crying, saying you feel sick and have a headache (both can be symptoms of stress and hunger) then she's not going to be overly impressed, especially if this happens often.
If you want to be treated like an adult to make your own choices then you have to act like one. You have to realise that you are in control of your emotions, they don't control you. If that means you have to learn new ways to deal with stress, failure or disappointment, then take that on as your responsibility. If you're feeling sick find out why. Are you eating well? If it's making you sick why? Perhaps you don't like the foods your family eats and you can organise to write your own shopping list and prepare your own meals.
From your mother's point of view the behaviours you are exhibiting at home are probably, in her opinion, indicators that you are not able to behave appropriately or responsibly outside of the home. Start acting responsibly all the time, and then her opinion of you will likely change.
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