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HorsesAreForever 12-19-2008 08:24 PM

Putting to much effort into getting a bond??
 
I guess my main thing right now is my relationship with my horse.. I disipline her when needed but Im getting to the point where im like... I hope she doesnt hate me ect.... and thats what im always worried about.. I see all these horses that LOVE there owners like run up to the gate ect...

well i KNOW me and chance have a bond and she trust me... but nothing more..

I think maybe im trying wayy to hard to get a bond with my horse and getting he to love me....... so maybe shes just getting tired of it??

Let me know if this doesnt make sense..

whitetrashwarmblood 12-19-2008 09:11 PM

It makes sense.
You're not alone. I worry all the time if Athena really is bonded with me or not.
I figured it out while I was watching her and her best friend Neela. Neela is only 3 1/2 years old, so she's still a big baby and gets on Athena's nerves very easily. But even though Neela can be annoying, they'll still eat their hay and grain together, and Neela follows Athena around like a lost puppy. Athena bites Neela, but Neela is learning to respect Athena's space and in a weird way looks up to Athena. She's basically her big sister. So even though Athena disciples Neela, Neela still loves Athena to the point where Athena never gets alone time unless she's in her stall. lol
Horses want leaders. Athena is Neela's leader. Eventually Neela will grow out of her baby stage, and will be more of a best friend than a little sister. :)

Midwest Paint 12-20-2008 06:44 AM

You cued that right on the head! There is nothing wrong with really wanting a bond! That is 100% normal when we are really attached to that particular horse.. I think many of us are like that!

Taking a leadership role, even when it means doing something many of us dont want to do with our babies, which is disciplining them, is where the bond is built. They want and need leaders!

PaintHorseMares 12-20-2008 07:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HorsesAreForever (Post 214401)
I guess my main thing right now is my relationship with my horse.. I disipline her when needed but Im getting to the point where im like... I hope she doesnt hate me ect.... and thats what im always worried about.. I see all these horses that LOVE there owners like run up to the gate ect...

We often get caught up trying to expect human emotions (e.g. love) from our animals.

Horses are smart, you can get a horse to run up to the gate to meet you everytime by spoiling them with treats, but that is not 'love'.

The most important thing to a horse is the safety and security of the herd. If your horse is social and relaxed around you just like being in the herd, you are indeed 'loved'.

...and lastly, especially with young, playful horses, some horse behaviors (like nipping) are associated not only with discipline or pecking order, but with PLAY, also. When our young mares want to play and no one else does, they will do everything they can to 'irritate' the others into a game of lets-run-around-full-speed-like-crazy-horses.

iridehorses 12-20-2008 08:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PaintHorseMares (Post 214560)
We often get caught up trying to expect human emotions (e.g. love) from our animals.

Horses are smart, you can get a horse to run up to the gate to meet you everytime by spoiling them with treats, but that is not 'love'.

The most important thing to a horse is the safety and security of the herd. If your horse is social and relaxed around you just like being in the herd, you are indeed 'loved'.

Well put. When I read these types of posts I think about young riders wanting their horses to be more like Labrador Retrievers but they are not. The horse has a totally different psyche and simply do not think in those terms. Some horses certainly are more sociable with humans then others but that is the same with all mammals.

What I want more from my horses is trust. When I go out to the pasture to get one, the fact that they will come up to me rather then try to escape, is trust. They know that there is a very good chance that I'm there to ride one and they still come up to me - that is all I could ask for. Sometimes that trust is immediate and sometimes it takes a long time to develop. That is the difference in each horse and his/her past experiences.

HorsesAreForever 12-20-2008 11:15 AM

Thanks everyone :)

I think I just get this way because I know chances past [serverly abused] and I also feel like Im ruining a bond when I disipline her but I never thought about the whole they need a leader! Ill keep that in my head next time :)

Thanks again :) keep posting

Vidaloco 12-20-2008 11:30 AM

I think trust is more important than love. I'd like to think that Vida loves me. I love her, but I trust her more. If she trusts me thats good enough. For a horse to trust you they must respect you first.
I've had a few horses that wouldn't look me in the eye. That always bothered me, but it didn't stop the horse from being a good horse. Vida at least looks me in the eye. What she sees is a mystery :lol: Probably just the monkey that feeds her.

CJ82Sky 12-20-2008 09:13 PM

In my experience, a bond with a horse takes time. There may be a feeling of an "instant connection" but it takes time for the horse to really understand you, trust you, take to you, and become your other half so to speak. Just like with people, with horses, sometimes this bond comes quicker than with others. Not all horses and people have that bond right away, sometimes it takes a very long time - months or even years. And sometimes it just clicks.

It's very similar to human relationships based on what I have experienced, and some horses I've had that instant bond with, but others it's taken time and work. No matter how you look at it though the end result is great. And getting there means patience with both yourself and your horse, and giving it all time to grow. There's no rushing these things, any more than one can rush love, but it also take effort and work so it sounds like you're doing the right thing!

HorsesAreForever 12-20-2008 10:51 PM

CJ that made total sense! :D Its true u cant rush things like that and... till i read your post really I never thought about it that way! Thankies!


Lmao vida u crack me up :P

nascarcats 12-21-2008 12:36 PM

Wow, reading this has put more of a perspective on my relationship with my 2 guys. I KNOW Daytona trust me and loves me. He was abused and neglected and I really do feel that he knows that will never happen with me. And he has "opened" up to me.

Presley on the other hand, he is young, 4 years old. No history of abuse or neglect. And he is standoffish. So I know it will take a lot longer than the 6 mos I have had him. But I am also one of those that wants everything now :lol:. But he does look up to Daytona.

Thanks again ladies and/or gentlemen.


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