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ShowJumpr 05-17-2013 08:45 PM

Needs tips to get over sharing a horse!
Hey Guys!
Okay I need to blow off some steam here.

So a year ago I moved to Virginia with my family for two years, during that time a few things happened. My grandma's FANTASTICAL horse Bug-a-boo (whom I had been one of the first riders and lovers <3) was sent off to a tranior for a while. When he got back a boy Diego (who my grandma taught to ride) took a liking to him.

Now, a little bit about Diego before I pin him as the bad guy. He has a bunch of siblings and his parents can barely feed them. So basiclly he has to share everything and the only thing that is his is horses. He rode Bug while I was in Virginia and after the tranior that horse could carry a baby through a strorm and not freak out. So Dieog learned a whole bunch of stuff on him and the drama only started when we moved back. (I only saw Bug once a year because of birthday visits)

Anyway, when I started riding Bug again it was okay at first but I introduced him to jumping. Then all the people down there (I live in the city) started liking it and all my friends liked riding him in the english instead of western saddle. But before this happened Diego would call before he showed up but now he comes before nine in the morning and nobody wants to ride with him because he gets mad and just rants how jumping is ruining "His horse"

I have nothing against Diego but he is a complete ******* to me and I'm afraid that when he's mad some time and is riding my boy they could get hurt. My grandma sorta takes his side just because he's the poor little boy and only stands up for me when she catches him giving me his special attitude. I just feel so selfish when I ride Bug now because whenever I do Diego just stands around and sulks, and that makes my soul hurt!

How to I talk to him and try to meet a comprise and how do I get him to stop getting mad at me every time I try to go down there? I feel unwelcome down there and the last time I was down there I noticed sores of Bug's mouth. (My grandma doesn't want me to ride with Diego because he just runs the whole time and has to use a "Big boy" bit because of it) So that means whenever Diego goes to ride he just runs and uses all bit, not how my grandma taught us.

How do I get over my jealosy? How can I not be selfish? Do I just let him do whatever he likes or do I say something?

Just remmember, Diego is sweet and kind to everyone but me and I want it to stay that way minus the mean to me part. Horses mean everything to him so I don't want him to stop riding. But that could happen soon because my grandma is starting to notice how mean he is. Help.

Copperhead 05-17-2013 09:01 PM

He has to share everything. Nothing in his life is his. The only good thing in his life is probably Bug.

He's getting upset because he has to share something of his (horses) like he has to share the rest of his life. While sharing is a good thing to do, this boy has had nothing to call his own so I can understand his posessiveness.

I would sit down with a glass of Kool-aid (presuming he doesn't like coffee here) and talk about Bug with him. Tell him he's doing a good job with him even though you don't think he is. He's feeling threatened that you might take the only good thing in his life away from him. Thank him for riding him for you while you were away. Tell him how much Bug likes him and that you've noticed.

Even if none of this is true, say it. He needs to feel secure and he needs to feel like you aren't the enemy.

After you soften him up a bit, talk about how you would like to share Bug equally so he gets ride time and so you do. Tell him you don't want him to feel left out, but you don't want to feel left out either so maybe set up a day by day schedule as to who rides him (you get Monday, he gets Tuesday, you get Wednesday and so on) or set up an hour schedule for each day (he gets the morning, you get the afternoon or vice versa).

This is an under privileged kid you're dealing with. He needs to understand that you don't want to take Bug away from him. You'd just like to enjoy some time with Bug too.

hberrie 05-17-2013 09:13 PM

Copperhead...I admire your compassion and I think your advice is good@!

ShowJumpr 05-17-2013 11:20 PM

Thank you Copperhead!
I'm glad someone finally understands that the only thing that is his is Bug, seriously all my friends tell me to tell my grandmother! Thank You, you solved my inner turmoil!

Copperhead 05-18-2013 12:10 AM

I'm actually a bit of a jerk so I'm gonna show my friends these two comments :thumbsup:

He's just a boy. He's not acting spoiled, he's just acting posessive and scared. Its good that you recognize this instead of throwing a giant fit and getting him thrown out.

ShowJumpr 05-18-2013 09:58 AM

Thank You!!!!! :D

ShowJumpr 10-05-2013 03:33 PM

I have a followup with this story.

I had just left again and Diego came while my grandmother was gone and took him out without asking her. He returned before my grandma came back and left Bug out in the pasture while he called our friend Devon. When he came back outside Bug was rolling on the ground and after he got him back up, Diego RAN him all the way to Devon's and when he got there he hopped off and Bug started to roll again. My grandma wasn't there but thankfully Devon's mom was able to understand that Bug was colicing and walked him around then got him to a vet when my grandma came home. My grandma was REALLY mad but she let him off with a warning. Unfortunately Devon and most of Diego's friends didn't want to ride with him anymore because he was showing his attitude toward me to them because they were "riding wrong" as Devon puts it. So that made Diego angry and he stopped grooming, bathing, or even feeding Bug before going out so my grandma put a stop to it and doesn't allow him to ride anymore. He now has flyers all over the little town that he cane train and ride horses and can board some at his unsheltered facilities. Almost everyone who was interested in it called my grandma and she had to tell them not to do it because he can't train horses. So that is whats happened so far.....

tlkng1 10-05-2013 03:46 PM

There was a fear to possessiveness issue and also what sounds like a morph into attitude. I understand the not wanting to share part of kids with siblings but unfortunately, as we go through life, we end up sharing things with outsiders and that is something he is going to have to learn to deal with. If his attitude is starting to put off his friends, and I can understand why it would, he is going to find himself in a much lonelier place if he doesn't learn the simple need of common courtesy.

His attitude issue was also spilling over onto the horse which tells me he wasn't using the horse as a means of fun but more of a see what I have and you don't attitude. In cases I have seen, and in myself as well, the horse and their care is absolute priority..I don't care what kind of a day I was having, or week or year...the horse was kept well fed, groomed and happy.

My horses have always been my sanity check and many times my listeners and to speak.

ShowJumpr 10-06-2013 11:37 AM

He comes around a lot and my grandma doesn't mind but she refuses to let him ride at all. Bug looks to me for everything now and I'm in the process of teaching him to come while I whistle >:D But anyway when he comes its only when I'm there and hes always trying to get Bug to follow him instead of me or interact with him instead of me. It doesn't work because I think Bug can feel the hatred from him to me...I want to tell him that coming here is just going to make him madder and that he should focus on getting a job and then work on getting a horse but I feel that would be stepping over the line. Then again I made a deal with my parents that I need to drive, have a job, and be able to pay for most of my horse bills before we can take Bug back to the stable I ride at but I feel like telling him that will make it worse. One of his friends grandparents are getting him and his friend a young horse to start and ride so I guess that's a step in the right direction :)

Winterose 10-06-2013 12:39 PM

I would be worried that he is going to get upset with his friend now of they are sharing since it sounds like he gas an issue with sharing. But im glad you are working on things with ur horse :)
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