Leaving a barn w/ Relationships intact
So, I have been fighting with the possibility of changing barns for awhile. I actually did post a thread about it awhile back, but got sick with pneumonia before I could go check it out.
The family and I braved the bitterly cold weather yesterday to check out the new barn. It's really nice. They are mainly a family facility, family owned and run; they focus on having a laid back atmosphere and having the best care of the horses.
They have two really nice barns, a nice heated indoor arena, a smaller outdoor, and are building a nice 100x200 outdoor this summer. They have access to to trails, and a HUGE pasture. They also bring pasture boarded horses inside in the event of bad weather.
As if all of that wasnt enough, this new barn charges 1/2 the price for lessons as my current barn, AND they are about 100 dollars cheaper for board.
Where I am having my issue is the relationship I have with the people at my current barn, mainly my trainer. I have said it myself that I dont feel like I am getting much from the lessons I have been doing, also she is a bit pushy and is the type of person who you talk to, she always turns things over to herself (like she has to 'one-up' you). Yea, you're probably thinking, whats the issue? My trainer has connected me to some pretty good horse people. Like say a guy who has insanely cheap tack, another person who buys horses at auctions and re-sells the 'good' horses for cheap. She has also said that she would help me find the right hose.
I'm afraid of losing those connections, and that help. But I also feel like our personalities clash a bit. I dont know. I want to change barns, but I dont want to taint any future relationship I may have with my current trainer.
How would you handle this situation?
Just tell her that this barn is more convenient for you to get to or something... As long as she doesn't think you're leaving because of her, you should be fine. Tell her you would like to keep in touch and you really do appreciate the help she has given you and that it would be sweet if she could continue to help you. Just not the riding portion.
Sorry if that made no sense, I'm extremely tired.
It sounds like you have made some good connections through you current trainer, but you clash on several important issues(riding). Write down on a piece of paper the pros and cons of each place. Keep in mind that you may make even more great connections at the new barn! Good luck!
I did that when I moved from where my trainer was to her new facility and I had to cut ties with the old BO. I explained why I was relocating, nothing personal to her it's just the location and facility better suited what I wanted to do and I wanted to stay with my current trainer.
Regardless of how smooth you try to make things, there will always be a degree of resentment and there should be because they have competition and that barn obviously has a better deal that they can't compete with.
You are just to nice Moxie :D
LOL I am too nice. I hate hurting other people's feelings.
you can always blame it on the economy... :-)
I think that you could tell her that now that you are looking for a horse, you need to conserve money, and it will be easier to do so at this barn. However, i would not say anything until you know that things will work out at the new barn, other wise you will have no barn.
Im not quite sure if any of that makes sense but whatever!
I tried to leave somewhere and keep our relationship..
Best advise I think would be, just leave. Tell the truth about why you are leaving and if they get bitter about it you dont want friends like that anyway.
I ended up going back to my old place and we're all good now but I know a completely different side to the lady. I will never fully trust her again as after I left she turned very nasty, and threatened legal action against me for trespassing (I went onto her property while my horse was still there to change his cover).
**sigh** If only it was easy.
Some people, no matter how you go about it, will be nasty. Always.
I had been a working student at a barn where the deal was I worked 4 days a week for lessons and a lease on one of the horses. I went to the barn under the impression that I could take jumping lessons, but later found out none of her horses were trained for jumping and her experience was fairly limited. Her barn was actually a APHA pleasure barn. But I decided since I had a mare to ride, it was ok....I'd keep going. Then she started cancelling lessons on me and her mare injured herself and had to be on stall rest for 6wks. I was working a good 25hrs or so a week at her barn, so I asked about the possibility of reduced board if I continued working for her and possibly let her use my horse (who would be trained for jumping) in some beginner lessons. She said yeah sure.....so I asked for a board contract. She kept telling me she'd get one and in the meantime was going to help me look at some horses. I looked at one mare that I really liked and when I told her about it, she was excited for me. Not even a week later, she told me she didn't think it would work because she couldn't afford it. Hmmm....but our deal was I would pay for feed. Basically, she wanted someone to lease her mare to show this season and put some points on her, and she wanted free labor. I decided I needed to get away if I wanted to actually go in the direction I wanted.....and well, it didn't end very pretty. She tried telling me I used her and all sorts of other ridiculous things.
I've tried to explain it to her, but she absolutely will not listen to me or give me the time of day. Her mare, the one I leased, colicked not too long ago, and I had posted about it on a forum I was on, asking for well-wishes....it got back to the girl and she tried to say I was slandering her!? For saying "get well soon" about a horse I care about.....hm!
Your best bet is to be honest about why you'd like to leave (though it's not necessary you say anything about clashing personalities). If they aren't nice about it, that's their problem. :)
My suggestion would be to try to get out gracefully, but get out for sure. There are plenty of people who can help you find a horse and there are plenty of good horses going for cheap right now. If you're saving $100 a month ($1200 a year!) on board, and 50% on lessons, you're probably doing much better than having an indirect relationship with a guy who sells tack for cheap.
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