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babyponies 06-15-2013 05:57 PM

should i finish
 
As Sophie diamond tacked up for her lesson at pheasant hill equestrian centre she was on moonshine that week a handsome 15.1 hand thoughterbreed who loved jumping.

xJumperx 06-16-2013 04:29 PM

You'll need a little more to your story before we can make a judgement! One sentence isn't much to go off of ;) If I can say one thing, make sure you are watching your grammar and sentance structure, it's essential to any good writing!

babyponies 06-16-2013 05:24 PM

Chapter one

As Sophie diamond tacked up for her lesson at pheasant hill equestrian centre she was on moonshine that week a handsome 15.1 hand thoughterbreed who loved jumping. As she mounted onto moonshines back her two best friends came round Becky Robert and Lilly scoter came over riding their own horses buzz a handsome 16hh palomino warm blood and dream a pretty bay sports horse. About 2 minutes later Dan and Aidan came out riding bubble gum and jasmine and following closely behind was Annabel who was riding lightning a fast strawberry roan. Annabel currently dated Aidan just that moment Catharine came out of her office and told everyone to go to the outdoor school. When we got down there we noticed there was jump set up

skyhorse1999 06-23-2013 09:44 PM

It sounds like a good story, but like xjumper said, grammar is important:) also, at th end of the second post, you switched point of views:)

Chokolate 06-24-2013 01:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xJumperx (Post 2816354)
make sure you are watching your grammar and sentance structure

Sentence structure :wink: :)

xJumperx 06-28-2013 05:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chokolate (Post 2875921)
Sentence structure :wink: :)

You know what, I read that RIGHT after I was unable to edit, and did the biggest face palm of my life!! LOL. Here I am reminding someone of their grammar, and I can't even spell!! Can you say blonde moment??? :-P:oops::lol:

Roadyy 06-29-2013 08:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xJumperx (Post 2920114)
You know what, I read that RIGHT after I was unable to edit, and did the biggest face palm of my life!! LOL. Here I am reminding someone of their grammar, and I can't even spell!! Can you say blonde moment??? :-P:oops::lol:

Funny...I had you pegged for a brunette...:lol::lol::lol:

babyponies 07-11-2013 06:40 AM

idicided to write more


Chapter one

Sophie diamond tacked up for her lesson at pheasant hill equestrian centre she was on moonshine that week a handsome 15.1 hand thoughterbreed who loved jumping. As she mounted onto moonshines back her two best friends came round Becky Robert and Lilly scoter came over riding their own horses buzz a handsome 16hh palomino warm blood and dream a pretty bay sports horse. About 2 minutes later Dan and Aidan came out riding bubble gum and jasmine and following closely behind was Annabel who was riding lightning a fast strawberry roan. Annabel currently dated Aidan just that moment Catharine came out of her office and told everyone to go to the outdoor school. When we got down there we noticed there was jumps set up. We warmed up doing a lot of bending work before transition work also.


They all cantered over little cross poles in a line before going over some bigger staightpoles on their own Sophie picked up a nice active canter before aiming moonshine at the jump one two three over Sophie stroked moonshine as she landed. Annabel was the last one to jump that jump she had a bad approach but she still cleared it.

Becca93 07-11-2013 07:36 AM

You really need to work on punctuation - including capital letters for names etc, sentence structure, story line and whose perspective you are writing the story from.

If you keep writing and editing you will keep improving.

LilacsBloom 07-18-2013 11:44 AM

It looks sounds like you enjoy writing, babyponies. You have gotten some good feedback about proper punctuational andsentence structure. Is that making sense to you? I know sometimes my son will not understand how his sentence structure and punctuation is wrong. As you look at the first sentence, do you notice anything that needs to be changed? I am noticing some capitalization errors in that sentence, and the need for additional punctuation. What do you see?


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