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littleerin5 06-25-2013 02:12 AM

Is it rude to make an offer, then back out if you find something better?
Two horses, and I can only choose one. Here is my problem.

There is this BEAUTIFUL dun mare (see horse pictures forum for the post of her). She is 11, she isn't a fast horse, mainly used for trail riding. She is short, I mean she is 14.1hh short, but she is stocky. She doesn't like her face being washed so she steps back, and she disagrees with being cinched sometimes. I have made an offer on her and the owner has accepted it, but nothing will be paid or moved until Sunday.

The problem. I came across this gelding who may be better for me. He is 6 years old, taller, trained in both english and western, he is good on trails, he is mellow and has no problems being washed, feet picked up, stands for being saddled, and is also good looking.

They are the same price. Part of me wants to stick with the mare because the owner has accepted the offer, and I don't want to be rude and say "No I found something better", but I really think this gelding might be a better match for me. I ride both english and western, I love jumping and barrels, so finding a guy that can do both is ideal. I mean I won't compete in anything, just do things for fun, but the gelding seems like more of the "whole package" rather then the mare who is just trained western and hasn't jumped anything before in her life.

Advice on backing out of an offer? Should I stick with the mare that I have been looking at for a couple weeks because the owner accepted an offer on her? Or should I back out because I think I found something better suited for me? :oops: How do I go about letting the owner down that I might not purchase her horse?

Phly 06-25-2013 02:18 AM

To me? Did you ask to buy the horse and make it clear that you would at x price? If so, I do think its rude to back out.
They may need that cash, and writing checks they can't cash on your word....
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littleerin5 06-25-2013 02:18 AM

I want to ride enlgish**

alexischristina 06-25-2013 02:21 AM

Are you going to be happier with the gelding than you will the mare? Sounds like the answer is yes.

I experienced a similar situation when I bought Jackson, I was in a year long free lease on a TB mare, with the option to buy at the end. I had told them that yes, I would be buying and we started casually talking about paper work and then my farrier mentioned the horse she was selling. I tried him part way through my lease on the TB and it was like night and day. I wasn't a hunter rider, I wanted something with a little more 'spunk' and ended up buying Jackson, told them I wasn't buying the TB and they took her back (although I had been willing to hold onto her until the end of the lease). Were there hard feelings? I think so. But if I had stayed with the mare I would have been miserable, turns out my gut feeling was right, I've seen her at shows and while she's a nice looking horse she is 100% not for me and I'm beyond happy with my decision.

Test the gelding and then test him again, make sure he's really what you want and you haven't fallen in love with the idea, and inform the mare owner that you've thought about it and she really isn't the right horse for you. People back out of sales all the time, and as long as you don't have a contract signed you aren't bound to this horse. Just don't buy her because you want to 'be nice', sometimes you have to think of yourself, not other people. :wink:

littleerin5 06-25-2013 02:24 AM

The person who has the horse right now is a middle man between the owner and me (she is a trainer). She said there has been a lot of people interested in her, but she wanted her to go to me. So she made my offer to the owner and he accepted it. I really don't think she would have a problem reselling this mare because she is so good looking and well bred... I just think that the gelding could be a better match for me.

I am really embarrassed that he was brought up to me AFTER I made the offer. And I really don't want to be rude about it to her... but if I think the gelding might be a better match for ME, shouldn't I back out?

alexischristina 06-25-2013 02:24 AM


Originally Posted by Phly (Post 2886466)
To me? Did you ask to buy the horse and make it clear that you would at x price? If so, I do think its rude to back out.
They may need that cash, and writing checks they can't cash on your word....
Posted via Mobile Device

Phly, people back out of sales all the time. It isn't ideal, but so long as OP wasn't 'pulling the wool over her eyes' I don't think it's rude at all. It isn't the OP's issue if the seller needs money, the OP's objective is to find the best horse for her. I would hope the seller is smart enough to hold off on spending money they don't yet have.

Misty'sGirl 06-25-2013 02:25 AM

If you've already made an offer and they've accepted... if it were me selling the horse, I'd be annoyed. But you haven't given the money, so you can do what you want, but prepared for her to be a bit peed off.

Chevaux 06-25-2013 02:29 AM

I'm unfamiliar with US law but that won't stop me from saying you have made a verbal contract (or maybe it's in writing - I don't know) with the owner to buy the mare. There is a possibility that if you back out now and the owner has turned down other offers because you said you would take her there may be the potential for a lawsuit if he cannot get the same amount of money in a subsequently selling (or is it reselling?) of her.

littleerin5 06-25-2013 02:30 AM

Alexis- I really appreciate that you have the same situation and you gave me some really good advice. I do think I would be happier with the gelding... I am just not a mare person, but the little mare stuck out to me. I haven't signed anything yet, so that isn't the problem.
I don't have a relationship with the woman I am purchasing the horse from other then the actual purchase of the horse herself, but that is no justification for saying "no" and then giving the cold shoulder treatment... I just feel like such a brat about the whole situation!
I have been looking for MONTHS for the right horse, then when I thought I found her and made an offer, I find one that has the potential to be better for me in more ways then one. Ugh! Lol

Phly 06-25-2013 02:33 AM


Originally Posted by littleerin5 (Post 2886482)
I want to ride enlgish**

I get that, and you may have been tire kicking?
But I do think it is rude to say yes you want x horse, then back out. Who knows if they need that horse gone for any reason, now it may be of the market to someone who WOULD buy it. It's rude, that's my opinion.
I'm not saying that's the horse for you, not at all, in fact I'd tend to say its a horse you shouldn't even have went to look at. Honestly. It's not what you want, why bother everyone involved?
Please don't take that as rude, it's just common curtesy.
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