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Wildfire89 07-25-2013 04:20 PM

My grandpa had a heart attack yesterday...not sure how to feel.
I just got a text from my mom saying that my grandpa had a heart attack yesterday. I don't know how to feel about that. I used to be close with my grandparents, but when I was 17 **** hit the fan and I haven't heard from my grandpa since then and have only heard from my grandma a handful of times (i get an obligatory card from her on my birthday and christmas, and an occassional cookie cutter text that is sent out to everyone in her contacts list). I have heard comments made from my grandparents to my mom saying really hurtful things about me, my brother, and my mom. Short version of what the comments are about and why they don't talk to me anymore is because when I was little my cousin did some very innappropriate things to me over the course of a few years. My cousin has always been the "golden boy" and I only told a couple friends years later. My mom found out and told my grandparents and my grandparents say that I am lying and i'll answer to God on judgement day for lying and for not resolving the situation.
It hurts that my grandparents think so poorly of me, but what makes it worse is that it's caused so much conflict between them and my mom. I feel guilty about that and some days I want to recant just so there would be a possibility of peace. I do feel largely responsible for the relationship collapsing and I wish that I could undo her finding out (she had found a letter in my room written to my cousin that i wasn't going to send, i just felt like writing some stuff out).
Anyway. Sorry for the rant. I'm having a whole bunch of feelings and i'm a bit confused by them because I don't have love for my grandparents anymore but yet I am having conflicting emotions...
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my2geldings 07-25-2013 08:32 PM

I think you care more about them then you're being honest about, or you wouldnt take the time to write about it on a horse forum. If I were you, I would leave everything at the door and go make peace with them while you have a chance. There are some things in life that you can't take back or will spend the rest of your life regretting.

Wildfire89 07-25-2013 08:47 PM

Well they live in Florida and I live in Arkansas so I can't go and see them or anything. And I have tried to make peace. For quite awhile I was sending letters and texts updating them on my life. I only got a letter back maybe twice and it was from my grandma. I finally stopped.

Wildfire89 07-25-2013 08:50 PM

I do know about regret. I had a brother who passed when I was 16 (he was 19) and I regret how I treated him in the years before his passing.
He was disabled and I was the youngest child and between him and my other brother who was in and out of psych wards and jail, I felt invisible. I feel horrible about that.

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