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Scarsmyhorse 08-13-2013 07:38 AM

A rough Draft
 
So this is just a rough draft and im not finished I need to reread and see how many words are misspelled will not enjoy that day .

Chapter 1. Through The Storms
The First day i got my horse I did not the know the storms and trails that came with him he was not my first horse nor will he be my last horse but i do belive he is going to help me on my journey for what God has for me in the future , And I know God will always have his hand upon me and scar I can tell more then one story about how God has kept his hand on me and Scar , Im thankful for that without his hand on us we both would have been gone long ago .Just like last summer we both could have gotten into serious trouble It wasnt a perfect day far from that acutely it was windy and if you know my horse he hates wind and when my helmtes slapping on the tree branches your just asking for trouble . Thats just what happened dad decided to put our neighbor's duaghter up on him to I told him not to do that i was getting ready to put scar up for the day but he decided it would be fine so off we went . Scar started freaking out more then ever Dad was being dragged along and us in the saddle were just hanging on for dear life getting whacked in the head with the tree branches . Scar was zigzagging through the park cars never hit one of them and I soon saw the woods coming up I soon realized it was time to get out of that saddle so we bascily fell out of the saddle she landed on the ground not hitting her head thank God i landed on my back not being able to breath much turns out ,I broke my tailbonethe girl was only sore for a few days she only had a few scratches it could have been a whole lot worse then it was .
That was just one Instancte there has been many others when I was on the ground and on his back . Before we continue maybe you should know more about me and scars trials and trails togther.
Chapter 2. The wounded soul
The night we went to the auctions we were not looking for a wounded soul we were acutely not looking for any horse how did it turn out this way well we were walking in the parking lot we had just went in and looked at the horses inside there was not anything there worth buying . I knew There had to be a horse for me there Thats when I saw my dappled grey Gelding the man had told us he would not be the right horse for me . They let me ride him anyways I could have rode that horse for hours but of course I was not able to we had to get the money for him when we did he was mine and only mine my friends told me he was magnifcent but to me he was more then that he was my angel . I can not begin to tell you how thrilled i was to finally have another horse in my life sure i had trigger ,but this was a five year old dapple grey Gelding . I never knew it at this time but he is just one of the keys to my future . On the way home it was raining really hard he was in the trailer and he was tied up and something happened were it undone itself he fell in the trailer and made a v mark on his head I always have said maybe it stand for victory . Who knows but I do not belive in conidence I know for a fact I was supposed to have him . I quess you can imgange how i started freaking out when I saw how hurt he was , But he recovered and soon our journey began the ups and downs would soon take place.
Chapter 3 : These Times the good and bad
I did not really do much work with scar until My older horse died the only thing I can say is you never forget but you learn to live with it and you got to move on i eventually did that and when i started working with scar he got better everyday little by little . One day we were galloping very fast into the driveway and then he just started bucking . I started freaking out . I soon fell off he ran behind the house snorting and looking for me he was very afraid. A few years later we had learned he had been abused .We were not very shocked and the old owners would have probably just denied it . We took scar to a so called trainer but right around my birthday we soon found out he had not been feeding my horse except for when we were there ,nor were they working with him so we took him home right away. So what were we to do He did not do anything with him he just left him setting in his stall so I took very little of what I learned from them and I tryed using . The stuff they tuaght me was just making him worse so we decided we were going to horse camp which was a brave step for us .
I knew something had to happen but I did not realize how bigof a change it would be.
Chapter 4. Unity is Important
Joshua 1:9 - Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God [is] with thee whithersoever thou goest.
@
Well the day had finally arrived for horse camp i had spent hours giving him a bath and when we finally got their i went to unload him and he stepped on him foot well if you were there you would have probably heard my say a word cuase when 1,200 pound quarab steps on your foot and will not . Move his foot something coming out and i have never claimed to be perfect nor will i ever claim that but when our around horses you forget all your problems you forget everything that just happened during that day .
When we both finally got settled in there for a bit my friend had said she would be right back she was goanna go sign in so i waited for thrity mintues she never showed she was with her other friends so i looked at a few horses and found something rather funny the horse only two stalls down from him looked almost like him ! imgange my surprise I sure was surprised and the owner of him soon became my horse camp friend thats who i hung out with most of the time at horse camp .
Now my instructors they had sense , they tuaght me alot but I was not able to conquer everything on the first day . They took alot of time to help me with my tack for that im thankful . On the first day we learned how to walk over stuff and back up If you know scar at all you realize how much of a victory that is for us , but the one thing we did not get the victory over was a sled you had to drag around they told us to leave it alone for the rest of the week ... I was not very happy about that how do you except to conquer something if you do not keep getting up when you fail , so when the final day came quess what they wanted me to do the sled i reached for it and he almost spooked serval times and then finally they said just to walk him around it and all this was happening while my cell phone was going off.... yeah talk about embarssing people were looking straight at me and I was like crap ! no please do not spook at a time like this . You know what he did not spook at all he walked right around that sled i was so proud and relived when it was over and we got the most improvred award . I deffitantl was not excepting that at all.
Chapter5. Courage Defines Bravery
2 Timothy 1:7 - For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

@
Sometimes all a horse really needs is love thats one of the most powerful forces in the world its love that drives me to help scar , We all get scared we all get scars but were do we run who do we run to . I still rember running to mom's bed during a thunderstorm thats how God wants us to come to him running , I love it when my horse comes running straight towards me when he sees me though rare it always a joy to see and hear . The Power of love is unstoppable

NorthernMama 08-13-2013 09:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scarsmyhorse (Post 3336425)
So this is just a rough draft and im not finished I need to reread and see how many words are misspelled will not enjoy that day .

Chapter 1. Through The Storms
The first day I got my horse, I did not the know the storms and trials that came with him. He was not my first horse nor will he be my last horse, but I do believe he is going to help me on my journey for what God has for me in the future. (that whole phrase is difficult). I know God will always have his hand upon me and Scar. (I had to read further to figure out that Scar is the horse; his name should be introduced before this point.) I can tell more then one story about how God has kept his hand on me and Scar. I'm thankful for that. Without his hand on us, we ("we both" is redundant) would have been gone long ago. (Gone where?) Just like last summer we could have gotten into serious trouble. It wasn't a perfect day; far from that actually.

I think it's great that you are expressing your creative skills here. Your spelling and typos can easily be corrected with autocorrect. You really need to learn about sentence structure. I started to edit it to help, but it got too difficult because there are entire thoughts missing. Fluency is lacking in your writing. Remember that the reader only knows what you write, not what you intend to communicate. It is important to set the scene, give background and be consistent in the storyline.

For example, in the excerpt below, the scene starts with a girl being put on the horse. Then "off we went." Then somehow the father is being dragged along and there are two of you on the horse. It's not clear at all how the scene transitioned from one person on a horse, to walking out, to Dad still hanging on and two of you are on the horse.

Quote:

Thats just what happened dad decided to put our neighbor's duaghter up on him to I told him not to do that i was getting ready to put scar up for the day but he decided it would be fine so off we went . Scar started freaking out more then ever Dad was being dragged along and us in the saddle were just hanging on for dear life getting whacked in the head with the tree branches .


It might be helpful for you to keep your sentences shorter. Break your thoughts into smaller, more concise ideas. One sentence -- one thought. Words like "and" and "but" allow us to make sentences too long and unwieldy. Another method might be to job an idea down, then write a little bit that embellishes that idea or event. Lead up to the event, set the scene and then describe the event.

Learning to write clearly is not easy, especially since the current school system doesn't provide the education for it. Keep trying!

Edited to try to fix the font. Sorry, I couldn't make the italics go away in the first quotation.

Zexious 08-13-2013 11:52 AM

I agree with the above--try writing in smaller sentences, and in varying sentence lengths. It will make your piece flow better, and make it more of a pleasure to read.

Godgirl 08-15-2013 09:44 PM

I agree. if you made your sentances smaller or even used some commas here and there it would flow a lot more nicely.


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